Tag: Family

  • Small Country Cemetery

    This weekend, the family and I, including the dog, started up hiking again. This is our third year, and I have mentioned it before, I am really looking forward to it. As New Yorkers, getting to the location of our hikes is half the battle. On average, we have to dive about 45 minutes out of the City, before we can hit some more rugged nature trails, and if we want to try our hand at more moderately difficult paths that are less trafficked, then we have to go an hour to an hour and a half away.

    Such was the case this weekend. We had decided to hit up Mountain Lakes Park in Westchester County, right on the New York/Connecticut border. This was our first time out there, and Google Maps ended up failing us. The app said we had arrived, but we were in the middle of a country road, surrounded by horse farms and BMW’s. So, I pulled the car over to the first public parking space I could find, which ended up being a cemetery off of June Road and 116.

    After I had figured out that we were like five minutes away from our destination, the wife suggested that we stroll through the cemetery; see what we can see. As far as I could tell, people were buried there from the 1780 to the present day. Quite a few Revolutionary War Veterans were there, from the 4th New York Militia. My seven-year-old daughter, who is very curious and inquisitive, had lots of questions for us. Why were so many people with the same name buried together? Do you have to be buried together if you are married? And sadly, she observed that many of the graves were for children, and wanted to know why so many kids died long ago? All good and honest questions that I would expect her to ask.

    Because families used to always live near each other, and married people normally want to be with each other forever, and sadly, medicine wasn’t that advanced long ago, and kids who got sick would sometimes die.

    But the kid kept asking us if we, me and the wife, wanted to be buried together. “I guess,” was my answer, not because I’m unsure we should spend eternity together, but because we never talked about it.

    The wife wants to be eco-buried so she can be plant food for a tree. I can live with that.

    I want to be buried someplace quiet and just have a boulder for a headstone. Like Jackson Pollock did. Only my name on it.

    We decided that whomever dies first, that their wishes should be honored, and the other one has to do the same.

    Seems fair. Either a tree or a boulder.

    Very Taoist in a sense.

  • Money

    I was trying this morning to write a blog, and I just couldn’t get anything to stick. The reason for that is that I had to sort out what was going on with our bank, car insurance and the shop working on our car. And the faster that I tried to get it all sorted out, the longer it took. Finally, at 11am, I gave up on the idea of getting a blog done out my self-appointed deadline, and just gave in to doing on the family budget for the month.

    Now that I’m at the local library to write, I’m trying again to blog. I sat here at the main table for a minute or two trying to focus on some literary or political point that I wanted to make, or maybe crafting a 300 word joke. But, what is on my mind is money. Well, rather the lack of it, and the attempt to get on top of it.

    Yes, yes, we all know the cultural norm of not talking about money, as it is embarrassing for someone, or at least, we are told someone will get embarrassed if the conversation happens. I don’t think I have ever hidden the fact that my family has a large amount of credit card debt, student loans, and we have a car. It’s a chunk of money, but not insurmountable to take care of. We are fine; no one in our house goes hungry or lacking what they need. Out level of indebtedness is best described as having to plan in advance and save. If we want to do something big, we just have to plan for it, and save.

    But it does ware me down. The last time that I had no debt around my neck was when I was twenty-two. (Oh, what carefree days those were. I used to pay cash for things.) At forty-five, I would like to own a home, pay for the kid’s college, and maybe retire. The normal American Dream shit. BUT, I’m forty-five and I have none of those things. Sure, we are getting closer each day, but we still haven’t arrived.

    And this is what keeps me up at night, if I let myself think about it; I don’t want my daughter to have it worse than I did as a kid. There are days, like today, where that thought is hard to shake, and I feel like I’m not getting it done.

    At fort-five, I do know somethings about myself. Like, I’ll go to bed worrying about this stuff, and then in the morning, I’ll get up and try again to make it better.

  • Shared Aches and Pains (Uneditied)

    We all had a bad night of sleep. Me, the wife, and the kid. We all woke up late, and each had a different ache and pain. The kids feet hurt, the wife’s hip hurt, and I had knee and hip pain. I mean, we are all better now that we are up and moving, but this morning, man, we were all moving slow.

    Can you have communal aches and pains?

    I guess that is possible, but still seems odd.

    I know why I feel the way I do, because I stayed up too late and fell asleep on the couch, which isn’t the best place to sleep. Normally the sofa causes back pain, but every day is a new discovery. For this reason, I am skipping going to the gym.

    I have been going to the gym for nine weeks now, and the best I can tell, I have lost 6 lbs. other than that, I don’t feel better. I don’t feel that I am thinking clearer, or have a more positive attitude. What I have is a new item on my schedule, that I do four times a week. I know that they say you need to do something 90 days for it to become a habit, and I guess I am closing in on it, but I don’t seem to be getting the rewards that are claimed.

    This doesn’t mean I’m quitting. No, I need to work out to stay healthy, even if that means I’m not losing weight, or thinking clearer, or having positive attitude. I need my heart to work properly for the next thirty or so years. That’s what keeps me going. I was just hoping to lose my middle-aged man gut.

    I’ll be back tomorrow.

  • The Return of the Cold

    The wife has a cold, and is laid up in bed today. She was laid up in bed yesterday, too, so I feel like we are repeating ourselves. This cold came from our child. I hate to be like that, but it’s true. The kid was the carrier monkey, as she had this exact same thing a week ago. The kid had a sore throat on the past Thursday night, so we kept her home from school on the next day. About half way through Friday, she was pretty much back to normal. She was still a little groggy, but the sore throat was gone. Today, my wife doesn’t have the sore throat, but she feels like crap. Furthermore, this leads me to believe that I will be sick next week.

    As annoying as all of this is, this is the way life used to be. The kid would go to school, get a cold, then we all would get it in the house. It’s amazing that once we stopped isolating, and wearing a mask, the old cycle of disease has returned. Good or bad, the rhinovirus cycle was a part of the old normal.

    On a small level, it has been rewarding taking care of my wife and kid through their little colds. It’s always nice to be needed, not that they haven’t made me feel needed. It’s nice to take care of something you love.

    The funny part of all of this, is that I started to remember back when I worked in the very toxic office, how I would look forward to getting sick, so I wouldn’t have to go in to work. When I would get that first weird feeling of being rundown, I would celebrate a little in my mind. Yet again, another sign that I should have quit that job sooner. You live, you learn.

  • Ketanji Brown Jackson’s Family

    I have been watching some of the Ketanji Brown Jackson hearings. What I wish is that both political parties would take this thing seriously. The Republicans are attacking her as an act to placate to their base, and Democrats are throwing softball question to her that, either won’t garner any controversy, or giving Judge Jackson a chance to defend herself. What I would have liked to have seen, from both parties, is a real deep dive into what shaped her judicial philosophy, what does she see as the most important cases in history, and just giving her a chance to talk about the courts so I can get a better understanding on what she is going to bring to this position. We all know, barring some explosive revelation, she will be on the Supreme Court, so let us learn about her.

    But that is asking too much. I know.

    And this is when I go back to bashing the Republicans; what they are doing to her is beyond disrespectful. From what I have read about Judge Jackson, this has been a life-long goal, and she has made sure that she has an outstanding career record, and has stayed true to who she is, so she can capitalize when this opportunity presented itself. (I still believe there are good ambitious people left in this world.) So, when the Republican Senators go after her with nothing, and cut her off, and try to trap her with questions, it makes me angry. And also, very disappointed that this is where we are.

    But Judge Jackson has handled herself amazingly. She hasn’t let anything rattle her, and been patient with a lot of dumb questions. I feel very fortunate to be alive to see this accomplishment, and get to know that she will be on the Court. I am alive in the time when our Institutions are beginning to look more like the Nation that they are there to protect. It also makes me feel good that a very smart person will be at the wheel.

    Which brings me to Judge Jackson’s family. I want to give them a whole bunch of credit as well. I’m talking about her parents, who clearly did a very good job raising their daughter. She could not have arrived at this place without their support. But also, the poise they are showing in this hearing. I don’t know how they are sitting there, watching their daughter get attacked in that way, and not yelling back. Hell, I would have thrown a shoe at Ted Cruz if he talked to my daughter like that. Nope, they are better than me in that regard. My guess is that they know their daughter can take care of herself, that nothing anyone can say will change what they know to be true. Judge Jackson’s parents are my new heroes.

    The last thing I want to say on this subject was best said by Senator Corry Booker yesterday in the hearing: