My family went apple picking this weekend. My daughter even brought a friend, so we had an extra person to help enjoy our Autumnal Tradition. And there was a hay ride (Actually, no hay was involved, but no one cared) and a core maze, a pumpkin patch, and apple cider donuts. There were food trucks as well, but those don’t interest me.
What interests me is putting on a flannel shirt on a warm Fall morning, and sweating too much, as I stomp and trip over rotten apples on the ground, looking for that one unplundered Golden Delicious apple tree that’s hidden way in the back of the orchard. And I also enjoy eating an apple a day for the next month, and wonder at the benefits of my increased fiber intake!
I was rather excited to be there
The whole thing is cheesy and cliched, and I love it so much! As the kid and her friend were running around the corn maze, I told the wife that I know that we won’t be doing this forever with the kid. She’ll either outgrow it, or move away. But, I would like to still come out and do this; walk around the orchards, watching the families and their little ones enjoy the fifteen to twenty minutes of pleasure they all get picking fruit from a tree.
It’s not done yet! I know it’s August still, and it’s hot, and the subway platforms are a swamp, and when I step outside, I just start sweating. I’m an old man and I can’t stop talking about the weather, and around this time of year, I want it to be Fall more than anything. But I’m going to throw the marketeers of America under the bus one this one. These Ad-Wizards starting running back-to-school commercials before the 4th of July. Halloween junk on sale at drug stores and Home Depot in August? Just yesterday, I got a catalog in the mail from L.L. Bean telling me that it’s time for Fall! I’m not crazy; they’re all jumping the gun here, right?
The kid auditioned for a school play. This made me very excited and proud. Also, it put me on notice not to be a “Stage Dad.” See, the kid needed to have a one minute monologue memorized for her audition, and she came to me for help. You know; me, her dad, the guy who got a theatre degree, and did plays and puppet shows and physical theatre here in New York City. Me! She came to me for help, and I said yes! And then I had to tell myself that I cannot live through her, and her experiences in auditioning and doing this play. No! I am here to support, and give guidance when she asks for it. But, she didn’t know how to score a script, or what a beat was in reference to dialogue, so I had to fill her in a little. But no Stage Dad shit!
This could be a rough season for Spurs. Just saying…
If you were to ask me what was the best part of being a stay-at-home dad, I would easily say it’s spending time with my kid. There will never be a moment in my life that I will regret all of the time I got to have with her.
But number two on that list would be cooking for my family. It is an act that is more rewarding that I ever imigined.
When I was in college my roommate/best friend bought me a wok for a birthday gift. (We would watch PBS cooking show on Sunday mornings, Simply Ming was my favorite, and he picked up on my desire to try my hand at cooking Chinese food.) I found a Martin Yan cookbook at a secondhand bookstore, and tried my hand at it. I wasn’t very good, but I was having fun. And it was college, so trying anything new was kind’a cool.
I also got very luck because my girlfriend who became my wife is a trained chef, and when we moved in together, I got a very friendly education on how to be competent in the kitchen.
Time moved on, and the wife found herself on a different career path which she excels at, and then that Pandemic thing, and I accepted the position of Stay-at-Home Dad. Besides the enormous amount of cleaning and moral support I give, I also had to take on the responsibility of cooking for the family.
Now, I’m still not the best cook in the world, nor am I even the best cook in my family. Yes, there is the feeling of satisfaction of being able to delivery food to my wife and kid that makes them happy; that’s very rewarding. Another aspect that I have come to appreciate is now feeling competent and confident in the kitchen. Being able to eyeball measurements, and recognize when different techniques are needed. Knowing how much fat, salt, and acid are needed to balance out a dish. These are skills I have attended through repetition and practice, but using them daily has brought a new medium of creativity into my life that I didn’t know I needed.
Gumbo pasta. I want to make that. I know I could look up a recipe online, but I also know that I could wing it, and it would be pretty good. And I know the wife and kid would love it.
(The short story “Unreasonable” by Rivka Galchen appeared in the September 29th, 2025 issue of The New Yorker.)
Photo illustration by Stephen Doyle
A couple of years ago, my daughter got invited to a classmate’s birthday party, and as good parents, we attended with her. As the wife and I mingled with the other parents hiding on the periphery of the party, we struck up a conversation with a father who was a scientific researcher on fruit flies. It took a few minutes to convince him that we were actually interested in what he did, because as he put it, “No one thinks fruit flies are interesting.” But once he started talking about his research, he got excited and animated about the topic. It was a great conversation, and it reminded me that if someone is passionate about what they do, when they talk about it, it can be very interesting.
It was this conversation that I kept thinking about as I read Rivka Galchen’s “Unreasonable.” The narrator/protagonist of this story is a bee researcher at a university, and in essence, she’s telling us about her life and about bees. These two tangents work exceedingly well at complementing each other as the narrator’s tone is measured, funny, scientific, and relatable. I was struck at how seamless the story went from one area to the other, exemplifying how much the research and her life were intertwined, and impossible to separate from each other. But what truly reminded me about the conversation at the birthday party was how excited and passionate the narrator was about bees. Maybe it wasn’t a volcano of exuberance, but it was an intense interest and knowledgebase, just like that fruit fly researcher. Their excitement, made you excited. I don’t know if Galchen is a bee enthusiast or not, but if she isn’t, then lots of respect to her for creating this character.
The other aspect of “Unreasonable” that I enjoyed was how the narrator, perhaps a bit subconsciously, viewed her life through the lens of bee behavior, and the study of bees. It’s pointed out in the story that male bees only have one function in the hive, fertilization, and that they don’t do anything else. I couldn’t help noticing that this fact of male bees is used almost like a prism towards the other male characters, exemplifying how some of them shirk responsibility, are adolescent, or are oblivious to the world around them. Then there is the use of tracking bees in the narrator’s research, and also how tracking is used in her personal life; how she tracks one of her daughter’s movements on an iPad, and how the other daughter used a bee tracking device to follow an ex-boyfriend. There are other examples in the story, but I think you get the point. It almost felt like a fun parlor game connecting the two worlds together.
I liked “Unreasonable” and enjoyed how this was the type of story that kept rolling and moving, and left me wondering where it was going, but was happy to have that feeling of unexpected surprise. This was a fun place to inhabit with the narrator, and experience her world, because it’s exciting to be around a person who is excited about what excites them, and let’s it swarm into their life.
