Tag: Family

  • Thoughts on Time and Settling (Unedited)

    The wife and I made a promise to each other for 2023. I don’t want to call it a resolution, because those are stupid, and doomed to fail. The promise we made was twofold:

    “No more wasting time, and no more settling.”

    This isn’t self-help garbage, like the “Hang in There” kitten poster. This is a pragmatic reminder.

    We do waste an enormous amount of time each day. Looking at our phones is the biggest culprit. But also, mindless eating while looking at the tv. Staying up late to stay up late (that one’s all me) and I have to go back and mention the phones again, because, you know, phones will eat up hours of your day. See, and this time wasting leads to us having to settle on things, because we haven’t given ourselves enough time to accomplish the things we want to do. It can be a vicious cycle, and we’d like to bust out of unhealthy cycles.

    And like all changes in life, no one really likes it, and it’s hard to follow though on.

    The wife is doing better than I. She is making it to yoga on the scheduled days, and going to bed on time. I can’t seem to get to the gym more than twice a week, and that should increase to at least three to four days a week. Like I said above, I’m still not making it to bed on time, which means I’m only getting like six hours of sleep.

    And as we start the game of setting goals and trying to achieve them as a family, I can’t shake the feeling that there is a clock, and I am running out of time. Maybe it has to do with being in my mid-forties, which I have been thinking about a lot of late, and that I might need to have to make some tough choices; I can’t do it all – something will have to fall to the wayside and be left behind.

    I have been with my wife for seventeen years, married for twelve, and they have been good years. We have a kid we love, and want to provide for, which is the real motivation for this. We will only have so much time with her, and then she will be out there in the world. We need to be parents that she can count on, and follow through when we say we are going to do something.

  • Ready to Work Again

    My little family has been pretty lucky through the Pandemic, up to present. My wife has a very good job that covers things, and the kid is in a good school not too far from our place. I stepped into the role of stay-at-home-dad because the wife had the job, and I didn’t, and for our family, after some adjustment, it has worked out well. The wife gets to focus on her career, and I take care of the family, especially the kid, which also allows me a little extra time to focus the blog and writing.

    The one sticky wicket in this situation is that the wife’s job is allowing us to get by, and not ahead. A few months ago, we had the hard conversation that there needs to be a second income for us if we want to do, well, grown-up things; pay down debt, save for the kid’s college, retire, maybe even buy a house. (Though the writing is going well for me as I have yet to earn a dime, let alone get published anywhere. Besides that, it’s going great!) We both agreed I need to find some sort of work, part or full time, so we can get back on track. That’s what is best for the family.

    Now, I haven’t had a normal, regular job since January 2020. Three years out of the labor market is a long time, and I won’t lie either, I have been having some anxiety about getting back to work. My last two jobs weren’t the most fulfilling experiences, which is making me shy to get out there as I don’t want to repeat those situations. I try to remind myself that I have learned from those jobs, and know not to make the same mistakes, but there is still a “twice shy” affect that happens when I look at the want ads. But I had made a promise to my wife that I would start looking in January.

    So, with all of these thoughts and emotions flying around me, coupled with the fact that when I went job hunting, it would turn my stomach, I started to drag my feet on this promise. Finally, the other night, I had to admit to the wife that I’m nervous about working again. Then I called it for what it was, I’m scared about going back to work.

    And we talked about it. About what I was feeling, and where it was coming from, and what I could do about it. She reminded me that I can take my time on this job hunt, and look for something that is the right fit; that I don’t have to take the first job offer that comes my way. And most importantly, if I find myself in a toxic work environment, just quit. No more trying to tough it out – just leave.

    With that, I am back to looking for a job. I mean, I still have my issues, that I need to work out on my end, but yesterday, when I checked the job sites, I didn’t feel like throwing up. I wasn’t jumping for joy or anything, but I was looking at positions, and thinking, “I would be okay doing that.”

  • It’s Thanksgiving, Ya’ll!

    Yup, it’s Thanksgiving, and I can say that I do have many things to be thankful for. My amazing wife, wonderful daughter, family, and friends. I did want to also say thank you for taking the time to read this silly little blog. I also wanted to mention that I am thankful for the bots, from China, Vietnam, and Croatia, who continue to check out my posts for some reason. Maybe you’re looking to hack me, or maybe you are a real person who finds short story reviews, Ikea essays, and general bitching about the state of Tottenham Hotspur highly entertaining. Either way, thank you, all of you, for taking your time and spending it on me.

    Now, here’s to the Cowboys beating the Giants!

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  • Yup, That’s a Career – Mini Golf Course Designer

    In case you missed it, I am a stay at home parent currently. Will I return to the traditional work force? Not sure yet, but it is a thought that I keep kicking around my head, as a second income would be beneficial to our family. My old career was in arts/theatre administration, but being that I am middle aged-ish, or at least I am knocking on that door, the idea of switching careers often comes when the wife and I talk about careers.

    Recently, my daughter started introducing, or insisting, depending on the evening, that we watch these mini golf videos on YouTube. They feature two people, Brooks Holt and Elisha, who go around the country playing different mini golf courses. Some of the places they go are rather basic, while others are fascinating in their ingenuity. A few courses, which are indoors, play like a Rube Goldberg machine. The videos are fun, my daughter loves them, and it has inspired us as a family to go out and play mini golf, which has been great.

    As Brooks and Elisha go around playing golf, I started wondering; do the owners of these mini golf courses design these places themselves, or are their firms out there that do this stuff?

    You guessed it, of course there are firms. Good for them, if I might add. And I wondered how one gets in that business? I am sure some are family businesses, but do these companies go out and recruit people from adjacent fields? Like, landscape designers, or set and prop builders from theatre and film? What skills do you need to have to be successful in that line of work? (I bet there is a story there.) Looking at some of their websites, a few of the companies have been around for forty plus years, so they must be good at what they do. If there is a need, you know there will be a business to provide that service.

    Not that I’m about to start a career designing mini golf courses, but I do respect the people who do it.

    (Speaking of careers; could you help me with mine? Well, it’s more like a hobby that I hope helps me buy a new laptop. Either way, if you enjoyed this blog, please take a moment to give a like, or share the post, and a comment wouldn’t hurt. I mean, following this blog would be the cat’s pajamas, but use your discretion as to what you see as appropriate.)

  • Short Story Review: “Come Softly to Me” by David Gilbert

    (The short story “Come Softly to Me” by David Gilbert appeared in the October 17th, 2022 issue of The New Yorker.)

    Illustration by Millie von Platen

    Sometimes a story comes along, and calls me out on principle. Such as, a story will ask me, “If you were okay with this trick being used in that story, then you have to be okay with this same trick being used in this story, right?” That is what I feel “Come Softly to Me” by David Gilbert did. I mean, if I was okay with “Wood Sorrel House” not making much sense, then I should be okay with this story not adding up.

    Now, I’m not saying all of this to be derogatory to David Gilbert. I did like his story. I enjoyed the different elements of the family interacting with each other. The quick glimpses of issues family members had, and how they were either dealing with them or hiding them. I picked up easily on the blanket of death and mourning that was all tucked into this story, and not that this diminished the piece, as I felt it added a depth.

    Yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this story was an excerpt from a novel, or had once been a part of a novel. There were a great number of characters mentioned, and it felt like even more ran in and out of this story. Everybody had a backstory, and in a few cases, I wanted to know more about them, and not so much about feeding tubes. As the story came closer to the ending, I was expecting a payoff of all these tangents being pulled or tied in together. But that didn’t happen. What occurred was a ceremony, which did connect to the theme of the piece, but wasn’t really explained.

    Hence the feeling I was being called out on principle. I have pointed out and defended many short stories that have contained inconclusive endings with the reasoning being that a short story need only have a rise in action, and not a conclusive climax, like a novel, if theme or character or mood is the driving force of the piece. As such, I find “Come Softly to Me” is that type of short story.

    Yet, I still found myself wanting more from the story. That’s a compliment to the writer and the story, and perhaps that is the reason why I felt like there was a novel connection to the creation of the story. But wanting more can also create a feeling of frustration, though I was enjoying this ride.

    (Hello again! Ya, I see you. Look, if you are here, then I want to say thank you for reading. Not that this is a transactional relationship, but if you could help me out with giving a like, or comment, or sharing the post, or even following the blog, really would be appreciated. Just trying to build a following.)