Tag: Family

  • Money

    I was trying this morning to write a blog, and I just couldn’t get anything to stick. The reason for that is that I had to sort out what was going on with our bank, car insurance and the shop working on our car. And the faster that I tried to get it all sorted out, the longer it took. Finally, at 11am, I gave up on the idea of getting a blog done out my self-appointed deadline, and just gave in to doing on the family budget for the month.

    Now that I’m at the local library to write, I’m trying again to blog. I sat here at the main table for a minute or two trying to focus on some literary or political point that I wanted to make, or maybe crafting a 300 word joke. But, what is on my mind is money. Well, rather the lack of it, and the attempt to get on top of it.

    Yes, yes, we all know the cultural norm of not talking about money, as it is embarrassing for someone, or at least, we are told someone will get embarrassed if the conversation happens. I don’t think I have ever hidden the fact that my family has a large amount of credit card debt, student loans, and we have a car. It’s a chunk of money, but not insurmountable to take care of. We are fine; no one in our house goes hungry or lacking what they need. Out level of indebtedness is best described as having to plan in advance and save. If we want to do something big, we just have to plan for it, and save.

    But it does ware me down. The last time that I had no debt around my neck was when I was twenty-two. (Oh, what carefree days those were. I used to pay cash for things.) At forty-five, I would like to own a home, pay for the kid’s college, and maybe retire. The normal American Dream shit. BUT, I’m forty-five and I have none of those things. Sure, we are getting closer each day, but we still haven’t arrived.

    And this is what keeps me up at night, if I let myself think about it; I don’t want my daughter to have it worse than I did as a kid. There are days, like today, where that thought is hard to shake, and I feel like I’m not getting it done.

    At fort-five, I do know somethings about myself. Like, I’ll go to bed worrying about this stuff, and then in the morning, I’ll get up and try again to make it better.

  • Shared Aches and Pains (Uneditied)

    We all had a bad night of sleep. Me, the wife, and the kid. We all woke up late, and each had a different ache and pain. The kids feet hurt, the wife’s hip hurt, and I had knee and hip pain. I mean, we are all better now that we are up and moving, but this morning, man, we were all moving slow.

    Can you have communal aches and pains?

    I guess that is possible, but still seems odd.

    I know why I feel the way I do, because I stayed up too late and fell asleep on the couch, which isn’t the best place to sleep. Normally the sofa causes back pain, but every day is a new discovery. For this reason, I am skipping going to the gym.

    I have been going to the gym for nine weeks now, and the best I can tell, I have lost 6 lbs. other than that, I don’t feel better. I don’t feel that I am thinking clearer, or have a more positive attitude. What I have is a new item on my schedule, that I do four times a week. I know that they say you need to do something 90 days for it to become a habit, and I guess I am closing in on it, but I don’t seem to be getting the rewards that are claimed.

    This doesn’t mean I’m quitting. No, I need to work out to stay healthy, even if that means I’m not losing weight, or thinking clearer, or having positive attitude. I need my heart to work properly for the next thirty or so years. That’s what keeps me going. I was just hoping to lose my middle-aged man gut.

    I’ll be back tomorrow.

  • The Return of the Cold

    The wife has a cold, and is laid up in bed today. She was laid up in bed yesterday, too, so I feel like we are repeating ourselves. This cold came from our child. I hate to be like that, but it’s true. The kid was the carrier monkey, as she had this exact same thing a week ago. The kid had a sore throat on the past Thursday night, so we kept her home from school on the next day. About half way through Friday, she was pretty much back to normal. She was still a little groggy, but the sore throat was gone. Today, my wife doesn’t have the sore throat, but she feels like crap. Furthermore, this leads me to believe that I will be sick next week.

    As annoying as all of this is, this is the way life used to be. The kid would go to school, get a cold, then we all would get it in the house. It’s amazing that once we stopped isolating, and wearing a mask, the old cycle of disease has returned. Good or bad, the rhinovirus cycle was a part of the old normal.

    On a small level, it has been rewarding taking care of my wife and kid through their little colds. It’s always nice to be needed, not that they haven’t made me feel needed. It’s nice to take care of something you love.

    The funny part of all of this, is that I started to remember back when I worked in the very toxic office, how I would look forward to getting sick, so I wouldn’t have to go in to work. When I would get that first weird feeling of being rundown, I would celebrate a little in my mind. Yet again, another sign that I should have quit that job sooner. You live, you learn.

  • Ketanji Brown Jackson’s Family

    I have been watching some of the Ketanji Brown Jackson hearings. What I wish is that both political parties would take this thing seriously. The Republicans are attacking her as an act to placate to their base, and Democrats are throwing softball question to her that, either won’t garner any controversy, or giving Judge Jackson a chance to defend herself. What I would have liked to have seen, from both parties, is a real deep dive into what shaped her judicial philosophy, what does she see as the most important cases in history, and just giving her a chance to talk about the courts so I can get a better understanding on what she is going to bring to this position. We all know, barring some explosive revelation, she will be on the Supreme Court, so let us learn about her.

    But that is asking too much. I know.

    And this is when I go back to bashing the Republicans; what they are doing to her is beyond disrespectful. From what I have read about Judge Jackson, this has been a life-long goal, and she has made sure that she has an outstanding career record, and has stayed true to who she is, so she can capitalize when this opportunity presented itself. (I still believe there are good ambitious people left in this world.) So, when the Republican Senators go after her with nothing, and cut her off, and try to trap her with questions, it makes me angry. And also, very disappointed that this is where we are.

    But Judge Jackson has handled herself amazingly. She hasn’t let anything rattle her, and been patient with a lot of dumb questions. I feel very fortunate to be alive to see this accomplishment, and get to know that she will be on the Court. I am alive in the time when our Institutions are beginning to look more like the Nation that they are there to protect. It also makes me feel good that a very smart person will be at the wheel.

    Which brings me to Judge Jackson’s family. I want to give them a whole bunch of credit as well. I’m talking about her parents, who clearly did a very good job raising their daughter. She could not have arrived at this place without their support. But also, the poise they are showing in this hearing. I don’t know how they are sitting there, watching their daughter get attacked in that way, and not yelling back. Hell, I would have thrown a shoe at Ted Cruz if he talked to my daughter like that. Nope, they are better than me in that regard. My guess is that they know their daughter can take care of herself, that nothing anyone can say will change what they know to be true. Judge Jackson’s parents are my new heroes.

    The last thing I want to say on this subject was best said by Senator Corry Booker yesterday in the hearing:

  • Short Story Review: “After the Funeral” by Tessa Hadley

    (The short story “After the Funeral,” by Tessa Hadley, appeared in the March 28th, 2022 issue of The New Yorker.)

    I don’t think I’m telling you something that you don’t already know, but there sure aren’t many stories about mother and daughters. Hey, I know that there are some great mother and daughter stories out there, but if you compare it to the number of father and son stories, then you can see that mother/daughter’s haven’t been given enough due.

    “After the Funeral” by Tessa Hadley is a mother/daughter story. It begins just like you’d think, after the funeral of Philip, a BOAC pilot who has died in a hotel away from his wife, Marlene, and his two daughters, Charlotte age nine, and Lulu age seven. Marlene is so grief stricken that her two daughters have to step in, not only to console their mother, but also to push her to just function as their mother. Soon it is revealed that Philip wasn’t a very good father nor husband, as when he died, he was not alone in his hotel. Soon, Philip’s family, especially an over baring mother-in-law, steps in to take charge of Marlene, Charlotte and Lulu’s life; sorting out finances, having them move to a more affordable flat, paying for the girl’s school, and helping Marlene get a job at a doctor’s office. Time passes for this small family, and soon the married doctor Marlene works for starts spending more time with her and the girls, but soon Marlene is let go from the job due to implied reasons. Marlene finds another job at a grocery store that supports her family, and fulfills her. At the same time Charlotte is accepted to go to University, but refuses because she feels her mother cannot function without someone watching out for her. The doctor reappears, now having separated from his wife and wants to marry Marlene, but Marlene cannot commit to him, which bothers Charlotte immensely, as the marriage to the doctor would allow Charlotte to leave her mother, and go off to college.

    It is a very well-made plot, and a very well-made story. It’s beautifully written, and shows that Tessa Hadley is a very good writer. Yet, something was still off for me. It was the climax of the story, which I will not spoil. This story is very direct, which is shown by the fact that the title is literally the first line of the story, which to me signaled that this is the moment that these lives all changed their trajectory. What they thought their lives would be has completely changed, and the relationship between Marlene and Charlotte is central to that idea. Marlene has not been the maternal one, relegating that responsibility to Charlotte. And when the climax arrives, and Marlene starts to behave motherly toward Charlotte, Charlotte slips right in to accepting this affection. I found it odd because there was no resentment from Charlotte to her mother, no angst, anger, spite, nothing. Why it bothers me is not that I believe a daughter wouldn’t accept this consoling from her oft-absent mother, but because the story had laid out a very methodical cause and affect motivation for these two characters. It left me with a “meh” feeling because I wanted these characters to reconcile the way they did, but I didn’t feel it was authentic to the story that was laid out. Sticking the landing in a short story is tough, not matter what the story is about. I liked that these characters were messy, but not abnormal; just off a little. They cared about each other, but clearly wanted different things in their lives. It is complicated. As mother and daughter relationships can be, but also illuminating in showing how we become the people that we are, which is why these stories need to be told.