Tag: Family

  • Soup Season

    (I’m going to sound like a very old man, and I don’t care.)

    Autumn for some people means sweaters. Others, it’s Halloween. For the annoying, it’s pumpkin spice in everything. Cooler weather, leaves changing, sports on a weekend afternoon – all that stuff – you know, Fall. And for me, it is the start of soup season; I’m talking homemade soups. The cooler the weather, and the cloudier the day, all the better.

    First is just making the stock, which most of the time coincides with the leftover bones from a roasted chicken. If I have time, I’ll do the stock pot on the stove, but most of the time I have to use the Instant Pot. In about 2 hours, or less, I can have 10 cups of deep golden broth, but the best part is the warm, homey smell that fills my home as it’s cooking.

    Actually, I take that back. The best part is that my kid gets in on the action of making stock. We have done it enough times, that she’s got the recipe down and, with some guidance using a knife, can throw the whole thing together all by herself. That’s pretty cool, as a parent.

    This year, I chose to kick off soup season with a simple and hearty recipe – Potato Leek. I go with this recipe from Robert Irvine, as it is pretty simple and fool proof. I can say that there are more flavorful recipes out there, but they are rather involved, and some nights you just want to eat sooner than later.

    Besides, in my theory of soup making, soup should be simple.

    I do cook often for my family now, and I have some pretty good go-to recipes that I can now make off the top of my head. But there is something about making a good soup, or stew, for my family on a cold evening that is deeply satisfying. More so than any other meal I prepare. It does feel a little like kitchen magic; putting the ingredients in a pot, letting it boil to create something new. Then more ingredients, and simmering, and more time. Maybe it’s the amount of effort that goes into it – maybe. It could be that the meal is basic, and simple. A simple act that takes a long time. Maybe.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Feeding My Family, North London Derby, and David Brooks Didn’t Want to Catch His Flight

    (So remember… How amazingly unlikely is your birth;)

    I’m a stay at home dad; a primary care giver to my daughter and wife. It was a job that I was asking for, but now that I have accepted it, I do enjoy it. There is one aspect of this position that I am still surprised by, and that is the amount of time I now spend thinking about meals for my family. I have enjoyed cooking since back in my college days. My roommate and best friend got me a wok for a birthday gift one year, and that honestly was one of the best gifts I ever received. Not only did I enjoy cooking with that wok, but it also started me on a food journey. Furthermore, I was very lucky that my wife is a trained chef and pastry chef as well – which is like winning the lottery, if you’re wondering. She has been a great inspiration and guide for me as I discover and try new foods and preparations. Though I do the majority of cooking, she can still drop in the kitchen and knock it out of the park when she feels inspired. Anyway… Most days I do triple duty by making breakfast, lunch and dinner, and as such I try hard not to repeat flavors and textures in a day, or even following days. Most of the time it feels like a Tetris puzzle that I have to fit tightly together, appeasing all pallets. It can be challenging, but the reward of keeping the people I love feed is deeply satisfying.

    You better believe that I am going to write about Tottenham Hotspur! This Sunday is the North London Derby – Arsenal vs Tottenham. Yup, Arsenal will be the first true test for Tottenham’s manager, Ange Postecoglou, to prove he has turned this team around. In Spurs first six matches, they have only played one team that is in the top half of the table. Also, they are giving up an average of one goal a game, so this is a team that, on paper, hasn’t played stellar football. That’s where Arsenal comes in, as this will be a game on the road for Tottenham in the very unfriendly Emirates Stadium. If you wanted to have a statement match, this is it. I do like what Postecoglou has done by making this team more aggressive, and controlling the ball. Madison has been a great addition in the midfield creating many great passing opportunities for Son, Solomon and Kulusevski. Also, Richarlison finally scored a goal last week, which hopefully was his coming out, and will get him more chances up front. But the defense is what makes me worried. Arsenal doesn’t let up, and they clearly are gunning to dominate the League and give City a run for the title. Lots is a the line, which will probably make the match a chippy one!

    Did you catch David Brooks Tweet the day before? It’s more silly and tone deaf than anything – but the gist of it is that he was trying to make a correlation between his “expensive” $78 lunch at Newark Airport and America’s inflation issues. But if you look closely at the picture, you can see that there is a glass of scotch/whiskey/bourbon(?) which is the main reason why his $78 lunch was $78. Some internet sleuths were able to find out that the burger and fries was a combo meal costing $17, and that a top shelf drink was close to $25, which logically would mean that David had two drinks. Two drinks in the afternoon before a flight? See, my question here isn’t about Brook’s fake outrage over his costly lunch, but what’s on the other end of that flight that he isn’t eager to deal with?

  • Breakfast Habit

    The kid has been going to her new school for a month now. There have been growing pains, but on the whole, it has gone well. The kid has taken to her new teachers, made friends, and we can tell that she has been improving when it comes to her school work.

    The one aspect that we are all struggling with is waking up. The kid’s school day starts an hour earlier as compared to last year, which means we are all starting our day an hour earlier. I mean we do it, but there is a lot of grumbling from everyone, and it is a tortured process. The results are beneficial, though. We are all getting more done in the day, and going to bed earlier and getting more sleep is never a bad thing.

    One of the new habits I am trying to establish for my family is eating breakfast together around the kitchen table; No more eating in front of the TV. Everyone was for the idea, but we couldn’t agree on what to eat.

    Then one morning the kid saw this segment on CBS MORNINGS about gyeran bap, a Korean breakfast staple. Just so happened that we have all the ingredients in our home, so I was willing to give it a shot. Man, howdy! Not only is it simple to make, but it is exceptionally satisfying for a breakfast.

    Though I am getting a little ambitious now, as I think I might add miso soup, and some avocados to this breakfast to round it out.

    And we are getting to have a better morning together, as well. We are all starting off the day talking to each other, listening to music and connecting.

  • The Feels Rollercoaster

    The last couple of years have been a rough go for most of us. I’m not taking a huge leap with that idea, I know. Covid threw everyone for a loop, changed the ways of the world, brought up many issues people had to deal with, and I will also say that on the whole, we are all living in a Post-Covid world now.

    For me, this dark period of life started in 2018 with my mother’s death. She felt a lump in her throat in July, and passed away in October. Three months isn’t necessarily a short period of time, but it still feels like it all happened in the blink of an eye. I’m still dealing with her passing, and probably will forever, but I do know that I am in a better place about it.

    There are many things that can be said about losing a parent, and have been said many times over and over. What I found was that nothing brought me joy or happiness. I was sad all of the time. Not depressed, or withdrawn – just sad. And this sadness was always just below the surface, and if I felt anything too much – laughed too hard, or lost myself in a movie or a song – then I would start crying. And I would allow it to happen, and it felt cathartic, but it also made me feel like I was unhinged, and not in control. I knew I needed to mourn my mother, but I also needed to go to work, and take care of my kid, and that was important too.

    When Covid hit, I still wasn’t in a good place, but I was functional. It was a little strange to be isolated from everyone, but our little family unit clung together. I found that my marriage actually got stronger, and I enjoyed being with my wife all the time. And getting to spend so much time with my kid – playing and teaching her how to read – is a treasured gift that I am so fortunate I was able to take part in. Not that we all didn’t have moments where we needed our space, or got on each other’s nerves; we are human.

    And as 2023 started, I started feeling good again. And I started acknowledging that I had changed. I’m not the same person that I was in 2018. It was tough, but I had to admit that I am no longer a theatre artist or a puppeteer. That was a tough one, as that is how I had thought of myself since 2000, all the way back in college. For the last five years, I hadn’t done a show, and I didn’t have a desire to go back. Same thing with my career in arts management. Though I know I don’t want to go back to it, I also know that I do have some anger with the way I was treated in my last two jobs, and I need to take responsibility for the way I behaved as well. That’s an issue I am still working on.

    What I have changed into is a stay at home dad; that’s my role in the family. It took me a bit of time to come around to it. There is still a pull in me to go get a job, as it is stuck in my head that the only “real” way to contribute to my family is by bringing in money. There is a good chance that I will do that, or need to do that in the near future, but as of now – I got a kid, a home, and a financial future that I am responsible for.

    But I still have to do something creative, which is what you are seeing/reading right now. I have always written something – in a journal since high school, plays, an article for a rock zine, college lit journal, and several on and off blogs. There was a five-year period after high school when I tried my hand at getting published, but other that a handwritten from an editor at STORY Magazine telling me to “keep at it, don’t get discouraged,” nothing ever came of it. This blog that you are reading now, was started back in 2017, back at the tail end of my performing days, so writing has always been hanging around in my life. Sure, in the middle of the Pandemic, I had this crazy notion that I was going to “earn money” through writing… And I have re-assessed this idea. If it happens – great! But I am not counting on it. I’m writing because it makes me feel good, gives me a purpose, and is something to work at that is for me. And right now, that’s what I need most in my life.

    Like I said, with all of these changes, I started feeling good about myself, my place in the world. I started feeling grateful for the like I share with my wife, and kid, my family and my friends. I have a good life – filled my struggles – but it is a good life that I am proud of.

    And then I saw a picture. It was a simple, picture of seven people standing in front of a theatre upstate. One of the people in the picture was a friend of mine, who got tagged in the shot, and it was from an organization that he was working for this summer developing a new theatre piece that involved mime and physical theatre – all the stuff I used to do.

    And that picture made me feel like shit. I was shocked at how awful I felt by looking at it. I wasn’t upset with my friend, nor was I jealous of what he was doing, as he’s been taking part in camp, workshops, and art commune things like this since I met him. I felt like shit looking at that picture because the thought that crept into my head was, “That could have been you if you didn’t quit.” I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had given up on myself, and that nothing mattered.

    I feel that I have a normal level of anxiety and self-doubt. Normal level meaning that I have to work to overcome my anxiety and self-doubt, but it is never so great to keep me from getting out of bed in the morning, or to stop me from trying. But this feeling was more like I had wasted my life – that I could have been doing the cool stuff, creating works of art. That I was just one step away from it, and I was the loser who quit.

    And it was like all the progress that I had made over the past year – working through my mom’s passing, my new role in my family, leaving my career, and working on a new form of expression – was meaningless. It had the added effect of making me feel totally alone and isolated. One picture triggered all of that in me.

    You have to make a choice in a moment like that, and I did what any healthy, well balanced person does – I ate potato chips on the couch while playing video games trying very hard to act like I didn’t feel what I felt. Because I felt ashamed at who I am, and for trying to grow into something else.

    But it passed – all those feels. It passed because I talked to my wife about it. It passed because I took my kid to the community pool on a hot Summer day in Harlem, and we swam and talked about music and going away to camp. It passed because I talked to my partner about it, and it passed because I spent time with my daughter – the person I am trying to better myself for.

    It passed but it still lingers in my mind. It’s there because I still need to take the time and mourn the passing of who I used to be. That’s not to say that I won’t find my way back to a theatre, but if I do return, I won’t be the same person doing it for that old reason. It lingers because I am human, and I will always wonder to some degree if I made the right choice. I wish I was so completely confidant in my decisions that I never look back. That’s not me, and I know that about myself.

    I know a few more things about myself now, that I didn’t know awhile ago. It’s progress. I am happier, and that is a win.

  • Thoughts on Time and Settling (Unedited)

    The wife and I made a promise to each other for 2023. I don’t want to call it a resolution, because those are stupid, and doomed to fail. The promise we made was twofold:

    “No more wasting time, and no more settling.”

    This isn’t self-help garbage, like the “Hang in There” kitten poster. This is a pragmatic reminder.

    We do waste an enormous amount of time each day. Looking at our phones is the biggest culprit. But also, mindless eating while looking at the tv. Staying up late to stay up late (that one’s all me) and I have to go back and mention the phones again, because, you know, phones will eat up hours of your day. See, and this time wasting leads to us having to settle on things, because we haven’t given ourselves enough time to accomplish the things we want to do. It can be a vicious cycle, and we’d like to bust out of unhealthy cycles.

    And like all changes in life, no one really likes it, and it’s hard to follow though on.

    The wife is doing better than I. She is making it to yoga on the scheduled days, and going to bed on time. I can’t seem to get to the gym more than twice a week, and that should increase to at least three to four days a week. Like I said above, I’m still not making it to bed on time, which means I’m only getting like six hours of sleep.

    And as we start the game of setting goals and trying to achieve them as a family, I can’t shake the feeling that there is a clock, and I am running out of time. Maybe it has to do with being in my mid-forties, which I have been thinking about a lot of late, and that I might need to have to make some tough choices; I can’t do it all – something will have to fall to the wayside and be left behind.

    I have been with my wife for seventeen years, married for twelve, and they have been good years. We have a kid we love, and want to provide for, which is the real motivation for this. We will only have so much time with her, and then she will be out there in the world. We need to be parents that she can count on, and follow through when we say we are going to do something.