Tag: Mental Health

  • ODDS and ENDS: Tired, Mushroom Stock, and Writing in a Cafe

    ODDS and ENDS: Tired, Mushroom Stock, and Writing in a Cafe

    (Have you got nothing to say?)

    I need more sleep. I think I have been saying this since I was fifteen years old. And I like naps, but what I am here to talk about is that I need more of the bedtime type of sleep. And what I also need is for my body to stop waking up between 5:30a and 6a in the morning. That I think is what is holding me back. Sure, I could go to bed earlier – that’s logical. But what is more logical is for my brain to stay turned off until 7a or 8a. That would be the biggest help. See, if I go to bed at 9p to 10p, my body wakes up at 5:30a. If I go to bed at midnight or 1a, again, the body wakes me up at 5:30a. I’ve tried to explain to my brain and body that all the cool shit in the world happens between 11p and 2a – its a magical time. So, if we could adjust that internal wake up call, then all parties would be happy. Could you do that for me?

    I make my own mushroom stock for Thanksgiving. I’m not bringing this up to toot my own horn here, as the recipe I use is stupidly simple. Anyone could do it. No, the reason I bring this up is because not too long ago, at least in Manhattan anyway, it was easy to get mushroom stock at virtually any grocery store. Then all of a sudden it disappeared. Couldn’t get it anywhere. I could order it online, but to do that, I had to buy in bulk, like six cartons, when all I needed was just one quart. Same thing with shrimp/seafood stock. It just disappeared from the store shelves.

    I write in a cafe now. Not all the time, but a few days a week. Nothing special here, just something that I started doing again. It took about a month, but now the guys who work at the cafe recognize me, and get my coffee ready when I walk in the door. It’s a part of being a “regular” in New York City that makes living here cool.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Gym Time, CUBS Anxiety, and Corduroy Pants

    ODDS and ENDS: Gym Time, CUBS Anxiety, and Corduroy Pants

    (Dear I fear we’re facing a problem…)

    I wanted to go to the gym today. I know, I’m a little scared, too! (In a weird way, this feels like the call is coming from the inside of the house, if you know what I mean.) I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at this development. For the past month, I started going to the gym at the start of the day. In the past, I had fit the gym in later during the day, and I found ways and excuses to not go. This shift came from two places. The first was that I had to admit to myself that my old way of doing things wasn’t working. If I was serious about getting healthier and back in shape, I had to try something different. The second place my change came from was my best friend and old college roommate. He, in his very subtle way over the past year, had hinted that starting you day with a workout can help you in multiple ways, the most important being if you schedule it as the first thing you do, then you are less likely to miss it. Provided you stay committed. I guess I’m committed, because I wanted to go this morning. I’m up to four days a week, and I think I will add the fifth. Things are changing… What’s going on?

    It has been a weird time for me when it comes to the Cubs. I’m very excited that they are in NLDS and at the same time I can’t watch them. I say this because every time I have watched them, they have lost. I’m not saying that I am the reason they lost, but it does seem odd. The other odd thing is that there was one game I didn’t watch and they lost, so there must be another Cub fan out there that is cursed with this ability. Oh, I know it’s not like it was in ’16, and the Brewers are pretty damn good, but I would like to see Cubs play the Dodgers for the NL Pennant. But if the Cubs make it to play the Dodgers, odds are I won’t be able to watch them. My anxiety would be too high, and it would doom the team.

    I want some corduroy pants! I used to have some, but maybe ten years ago, I tossed them as the knees were wearing thin. I have regretted that decision every day since. The pair that I tossed I had purchased at the GAP back in 2003. I remember this because I went with my then girlfriend to the mall near our campus, and working at the GAP was a mutual friend of ours who was willing to give her employee to my girlfriend. While at the store, the two of them talked me into trying on a pair of brown corduroy pants, which I had no intention of buying. But hot damn, I sure did look good in them! Not that I had the money to buy pants that day, but I did it anyway. The girlfriend didn’t last, but the pants did. Well, lasted until 2015 that is.

  • At the Gym, Again, Sort’a

    If you don’t know; I don’t like going to the gym. I think I am on year four of trying to establish a regular habit of going to the gym. Past behavior predicts that I will stick to it for three months and then fall off the wagon.

    But I have noticed something different of late…

    No one is at the gym when I go. Not sure if this is due to me showing up way earlier than I normally would, or maybe the gym is about to go out of business. As of this moment, I can’t tell.

    What I do know is that there is no one around, and the gym is quiet, except for the music they pump in, but at that hour it’s rather low. There’s no one in the locker room, no one hanging around the water fountain, no one hanging around the front desk, and no one standing outside talking on their phone. What there is happens to be a handful of, dare I say it, normal looking people.

    So, the atmosphere has changed, but not so much my attitude. I still don’t want to be there. I would like to be healthier, and I would like to lose ten pounds, but, ahhh, still don’t want to be there.

     I am trying to find a way to enjoy being at the gym. I don’t think I will ever get that workout “high” where you feel better about yourself. What I am looking for is a good use of my time. I run for thirty minutes, at least to get in two miles, and sometimes my mind does wander. Today, I was thinking about some of the awful office jobs I have had. (That didn’t make me feel better.) I would try to read, but I’m running, so that doesn’t work. Truth of the matter, for me anyway, I can’t multitask when I’m running. I would like to be more efficient, but that doesn’t seem to be in the cards.

    Anyway, I think going to the gym early in the morning is going to work for me. Not that in want it to, but glad that it is.

  • Focus!

    The kid started in middle school this year, and I wrote awhile back about how she is adjusting to having more homework. And it’s going okay. We are still working and adjusting to the change.

    One of the issues the kid has with doing her homework, is that she gets bored and her mind wanders. A totally normal reaction for a kid to have when it comes to reading about world history, or having to write a paragraph on the three different states of matter. What we are trying is the twenty minutes of work, and five minutes of break time. Back and forth until the home work is done. Seems to be working.

    The funny thing that I discovered about myself is that I can’t sit down and work anymore. Good lord do I get distracted easily. Like really easily. See, I have been trying to work on this blog for thirty minutes now, but I keep on thinking of something else I need to do – which I have to go and do so I don’t forget.

    Sure, I know that there are some of you out there that would call that procrastinating, and you might be right.

    But what I feel myself experiencing is a lack of focus. Like, I sit down and I write a sentence, and then I start to wonder about… well, anything and everything. I kind’a find myself going to Wikipedia and just reading page after page about weird stuff. Or seeing if L.L Bean is selling any sweaters at a discount.

    I feel that I have lost the skill of being able to sit down and focus for even twenty minutes.

    I could blame my phone, and that would be accurate. Yet, don’t I have to take a little responsibility here? If I have a lack of focus, then I am the one who created this problem, right?

  • ODDS and ENDS: Stupid Tottenham, Window A/C, and Recovering

    ODDS and ENDS: Stupid Tottenham, Window A/C, and Recovering

    (I can’t believe my way-back-when…)

    Well… after getting just routed by Liverpool on Sunday, (and it was awful especially being that the win gave Liverpool the Premier League Title) stupid Tottenham went on to beat Bodo/Glimt 3-1 in the fist leg of the Europa League Simi-final. That gave Spurs a pretty nice cushion going into the second match, as it will be played in Bodo/Glimt. This means there is a pretty good chance that Tottenham Hotspur will play for a title after having one of their worst home league seasons in years. I’m torn here. One one side, I do like the idea of them winning a trophy, while on the other hand, I feel like I was chewed up and spit out by this team. I am very much aware that I am only a fan and this club owes me nothing, but man… this just has been the roughest season. Just waiting to be put out of my misery.

    We bought an air conditioner about a month ago. It was on sale, and also we wanted to beat the tariffs. It has been sitting in it’s box, in my living room. Every weekend we have planned on putting it in the widow but something keeps coming up. And today, it’s going to be 82 degrees in the City, which is like 92 degrees in the rest of the country. (I can’t explain it, its just how it works.) This new air conditioner will not go into the window today, as the wife is working, and it is a two person job. I will look at my expensive foot rest for another day… wondering how refreshing it’s cool air could be.

    Still not 100% recovered from my stomach bug. Right now, my stomach turns sour whenever I eat anything. I am very tired of toast, and eggs, as that’s the only thing that isn’t causing me a issue. I can drink about half a cup of coffee, and then it just starts burning. I was really hoping to be back to normal by today, but it looks like I have a bland Friday coming my way. If I could have anything, it would be a chicken torta, with extra avocados and jalapenos. Oh… I can taste it right now, and also the pain and discomfort that will come with it. But, isn’t that just how life works sometimes.