Tag: Life

  • The Ebbs and Flow of Christmas Time (Unedited)

    Christmas time is here again, just in case you didn’t know.

     

    The year has flown by. The tree is up, and we are getting ready to start doing all of the Holiday stuff. You know, shopping, wrapping gift, baking cookies, seeing friends. The usual. And I do enjoy celebrating Christmas in New York City. For all the things this City is famous for, it really is a Holiday Town.

     

    It’s taken awhile for Christmas to start feeling fun again for me after the passing of my Ma. The absence of a parent during this time of year seems to hammer home the void that has been left. I think I have been doing a good job with trying to keep Christmas fun for the kid, and I do worry that my sorrow and mourning might affect her enjoyment of the Season. I think I have succeeded in this effort.

     

    I can also admit that slowly, year by year, the joy of Christmas has started to slowly return to me. It’s still not the same, and certain things, traditions, still don’t ring true as they used to. But now, I feel the kid’s excitement of this time of year, and that is a replenishing feeling that helps alleviate the experience of loss.

     

    And that is where I am now. I miss my mother, and I know that my Christmas will never feel the way they did when she was around, and that’s okay. My Christmas now is about my family, and making the kid have memories, and building something new on top of the love that was shared with me.

  • Only a Minute for a Blog (Unedited)

    I just can’t on a rainy day. And it’s been raining for three days, and odds are that we will get a fourth. I would give anything to curl up on the couch and read for the rest of the day… But not in the cards. I will keep drinking coffee, though.

    I only have a minute to squeeze in a blog today, and this is that minute.

    And with this fast minute, I will tell you that the guys working on the condo towner behind my building are working in the rain. No one looks like they are in a good mood, but come to think of it, I don’t believe I have ever seen a person working at a construction site who looks happy.

    But the construction worker’s life and cranes keep beeping non-stop. It’s like they are perpetually backing up forever. We aren’t getting the sounds of saws, or hammering, or screw guns; nope, it’s eight hours of back up beeps. Like an audio torture. I can only wonder how long this can go on for, but I know that all things must end.

    Thus, the day I am forced with. Mondays are always challenging being that it is the start of the week, and if there was a day to set the tone for the week – then that is Monday. It is rainy, cold, gray, and beeping. In nine minutes, I have to take lunch out of the over, and feed myself and my wife. This is meatless Monday, as prescribed by our daughter, and we will be enjoying black bean taquitos from Trader Joe’s. And if I might add, this is also fiction-less Mondays as well. I normally don’t get a chance to write fiction on Mondays. I keep feeling this is a situation that I could correct, but I haven’t been able to for over a year.

    Sadly, have to go. More later…

  • ODDS and ENDS: Autumn Morning, Lunch with Friends, and Sports Season

    (In this house, we narrate the dog’s thoughts.)

    Finally, and I mean FINALLY, it was an Autumn Morning around here in New York City. It was in the upper fifties, there was a breeze, you could put a sweater on – all the boxes were checked. For me, a person who hates the heat and humidity of Summer, this was like my birthday and Christmas morning all wrapped in one. Now we can turn the A/C’s off, leave the windows open, hell, maybe even have a cup of hot tea in the afternoon, but that one might still be a month off. Anyway, the season has changed. We are no longer stuck in something, but moving towards something different, and new.

    The other day, a friend from college was in town, and we got together for lunch. This particular friend I hadn’t seen in close to ten years, so I was looking forward to catching up. It was a good time, and I wish it could have been longer, but we made the most of what we had. As I get older, and have more of these catchups with friends, I am still impressed with how much people can change, while at the same time still stay that core person I met twenty years ago.

    It’s sports season for me, which on some level still feels odd for me to say. Growing up, my identity was brooding artist, so I couldn’t like sports. I have evolved out of that (A story for another day) and now I find myself enjoying the sports time of year. The Premiere League has started, as has the NFL. And let’s not forget about the Champions League and all of their exciting corrupt bullshit that is amazing to watch. Baseball is heading for the playoffs, and I will flirt around with following the Knicks, but I never go through with it. As I was sketching out this idea, I started wondering why have I latched on to sports so much in the last ten years? What is it about being middle aged and following as many different competitions as possible? I wonder if there is something to not wanting to admit that the people playing all of these sports are half my age, and by living through their accomplishments, I attempt to regain youthful physicality? Ha! I was never physical! I think it’s because sports are the only appointment TV left.

  • What Am I Waiting For?

    I’m in a hurry!

    That’s what today has felt like.

    I haven’t gone fast enough to get anything done.

    I had to make breakfast for the kid and myself. I had to take the kid to school. I had to go to the gym. I had to order two more school uniforms for the kid. I had to do laundry and fold it. I had to write and submit a piece for a magazine. I had to make lunch. I had to do the dishes.

    And now I will have to go get the kid from school. Which also means that I will have to help with homework, and have to make dinner.

    And in the end, I still don’t feel like I am going fast enough. I have three flash fiction pieces sitting in my end box that I want to read. I have four magazine articles that I want to finish reading. I have a new book that I got a month ago that I haven’t started yet. And I have been meaning to sketch a landscape for the past two days.

    But I still haven’t made time to book the kid’s yearly physical, eye exam, and the car’s inspection is due.

    Don’t get me started on balancing the checkbook and making extra credit card payments.

    And then when I have a drink later, I wonder if my life would have been different if my student loan had been forgiven, or if I would have majored in international business.

  • ODDS and ENDS: The Mugshot, Don’t Get Caught in the Rain, and Fantasy Football

    (Mr. Campbell… who cares?)

    I will admit that I was one of those millions of online leeches waiting for the release of the Trump mugshot. I wanted to see it. I wanted to be there when it was released so I could be one of the first to see it. And I was very pleased with what I saw. A former President was arrested, and he was treated like any other defendant in the criminal justice system which, for me, sent a signal that no one is above the law in this country. I am also aware that not everyone will see it that way. There are a large number of people who will see this mugshot, and project their own feelings on it, to see a system out to punish political opposition. There is another reason why I wanted to see this mugshot, for I believe it is the closest form of justice we will get when it comes to Trump and the crimes he’s accused of committing. Sadly, I don’t believe that he will be found guilty on any of these charges in the four cases. He will be acquitted because deep down in our America soul, we cannot send a President to jail. We treat our Presidents like gods. Each one gets his own temple, though we call it a library. And if they happen to be one of the truly greats, we build a shrine to them in Holy City of DC. So, this mugshot, with his disgruntled gaze, is as close to justice as he will get. This humiliating picture will last forever in American history, never to be forgotten.

    Walking around in the rain with wet jeans on is the worst.

    I will not play fantasy football this season. The league I play in has not reformed, and I fear it is dead. The League is Dead! Long Live the League. I’m not sure anymore, but I think I have played in the league of old college friends, work collogues, and random people, for close to fifteen years. In that time, I have won the League three times, all the while just guessing on who to play each week. What brought about this timely death was the sad fact that everyone has lives that have pulled us in different directions. From marriages, kids, careers, and taking care of parents, we aren’t the same people anymore. It’s a little sad, but it does prove the old axiom that everything changes – nothing stays the same. Goodbye Fantasy Football…