Tag: Children

  • Thoughts on the Coming Holidays

    Last night, before we went out Trick or Treating, we had dinner with another couple and their kid. As we were catching up, we inevitably started talking about the rush of the coming Holidays. Thanksgiving, and for them Hanukah, followed by Christmas, then New Years, and both of our kids then have their birthdays about a month after New Year’s. October to the end of January is really a marathon for us.

    But it is a wonderful time of year. Walking around last night, as the kids went from stoop to stoop asking for candy, it was a cool but not cold night. There was a crush of kids, always is, but in that chaos was such an eternal innocents to the costumes and candy, and the façade of a world where all children need is to ask for candy, and they receive it. I envy the people who are able to sit in front of their homes, wine or cocktail in hand, and just be generous, and a little tipsy. The changing of the leaves around here has been slow in coming, which created a canopy of yellowish and orange on those tight little streets.

    After we got home, and were able to get the kid in bed, the wife asked me when we should start taking the Halloween decorations down? Usually we take then down on the upcoming weekend, as we do have Thanksgiving ornamentation that needs to be placed around the apartment. Leaves and gourds, and lots of orange garland.

    I’m trying to stay positive and upbeat during this time of year. The Holidays still have a tinge of sadness for me. This will be the fifth season without my Mom. I feel her in all the things that we do and celebrate, and I can’t help but now think about how “this might be the last year” with certain other family members. I’m trying to find the positive in this realization, as maybe enjoying the time we have should be the paramount concern.

    But as such, the marathon is on. The Holidays are afoot! If I’m a good boy, I still might get my martinis and lobster rolls for Christmas!

    (Speaking of gifts! If you are thinking of getting me something this year, make it a “like” or a “share” or even a “comment.” But if you would really want to warm my heart, then follow my blog. Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays!)

  • Busy Day Ahead

    I am in a hurry today. I was up at the normal time and turned the coffee maker on. I got the wife up and then the kid. Made the kid breakfast, packed her lunch. The wife got clothes out for the kid and helped her get dressed. Me and the kid brushed teeth together, put on shoes and we headed out for the school drop off with the permission slip for the upcoming field trip. I got her to school on time; said hello to her teacher and some of the other parents. Said my goodbyes and returned home. Then I made a meal plan for the week, and made a grocery shopping list. Then I balanced our check book, moved some money around, updated all of our bills to make sure everything was getting paid on time. I still need to shower and head out to Trader Joe’s before the old people and the young professionals pick over the store. Then I need to put the groceries away, make lunch for me and the wife, and then head back to school for the pickup. Hopefully the kid will want to go to the local park and play with her friends which will give me an hour or two hours to read, and write in my journal. Then home, play with the kid, make dinner, watch tv together, and then make the kid take a shower. Then that leaves snuggle and story time, with the kid hopefully going right off to sleep. Which will allow me to clean up the kitchen, and get the coffee ready for the morning. Then the wife and I will get an hour to catch up and fall asleep watching something on tv. And that’s pretty much my day.

    But before I head out to the store, I need to give myself a few minutes to write this blog thing.

    And all in all, most days, I’m pretty happy with this. Some days I do wonder if I am missing out, or I wonder if I could be doing more in the world. And then there are days where I am really terrible at this stay at home dad thing.

    This is where I am and I am happy. I know this because I don’t dread waking up in the morning.

    Okay, off to the store. Maybe there will be a Tottenham blog later in the day. We’ll see.

    (AND, please be kind and rewind and also take a moment to give a like, share, comment, or the greatest gesture of all, follow this blog. Please, it would mean a lot to me because I don’t want to start making TikTok videos.)

  • Putting the Kid to Work

    I’m putting the kid to work today. We are going to paint baseboards. See, I was able to paint everything in the kid’s room; purple walls with white doorways and the windows. The only thing I wasn’t able to get to were the baseboards. Hence why I’m putting the kid to work. Also, I would like her to take a little ownership of her space, as well. You know, make her feel that the room belongs to her. But I also know that it’s just fun to play with paint.

    And the Summer is winding down. There is only three weeks left to the kid’s Summer vacation, and I am sure this won’t be the last time I will say this, but the Summer has gone by really fast. This week, we’ll do our back to school shopping, and next week we have our meet and greet with the kid’s new teacher. Then Labor Day, and the school starts.

    And the cycle starts all over again.

    Which means it virtually Christmas, right?

    What I am trying to remind myself is that I have limited, one on one time with the kid. She’s getting older, becoming her own person, and won’t want to be around me forever. As she grows, our relationship will change, has already changed actually, and that’s something I need to get used to.

    I can see why some parents never want their kids to get older, or change. (Just stay small and innocent, you know.) I like the fact that she’s getting feisty and opinioned. This sword cuts both way as wanting her to be her own person means that she will have to pull away from me. This isn’t a new story in the world, but it is one that I am experiencing for the first time.

    But for today, we’ll paint baseboards together. And I have a feeling that she will make me listen to The Descendants soundtrack, again.

    (Oh Yeah! If you read this, clearly you have, and if it struck you as entertaining, then if you could be a pal and leave a like, or a comment, or share it to the furthest reaches of the UNIVERSE!)

  • After Effects of a Vacation

    I read an article yesterday that most people are happier leading up to their vacation, than actually on their vacation. I took a second to think about that, and I knew that this was true. Yes, the best part of a vacation is counting down the days. Once you get where you are going, then everything goes sideways.

    This year, we talked to kid about this. How, the one of the best parts of being on vacation is when things do go wrong, because that is when you make new discoveries. I know that isn’t 100% true, but I wanted to plant the idea in her head that when things go wrong, it becomes an opportunity to try new and different things. I think it sort of worked. There wasn’t too much complaining, but the trade-off was that she wanted to spend a large amount of time on the family iPad.

    Oh well…

    But we did experience something new with the kid this year when we came home from vacation; she was a little depressed. The kid is seven now, and not little anymore, both physically and emotionally. We all have known that feeling of coming home from a vacation; if you had a good time, then there is that feeling of letdown; a little sadness of having to come home and go back to the old routine. That’s normal.

    This year was the first time that the kid experienced that. And she didn’t know what to do with these feelings. She was sad, sullen, and even had a little bit of a breakdown, and cried in her room for a bit. The wife and I talked, and made sure that we were on the same page on how to deal with this. The most important thing was not to make her feel ashamed for feeling sad. We let her tell us in her own way what was wrong, and let her just experience feeling bad. Then when she calmed down, we started talking about the fun we had, the memories we created, and what we should do with the rest of our summer.

    I know we can’t stop her from feeling bad, or sad, or experiencing emotions that are hard to put your finger on. But we can help her understand that having strong feelings is normal, and can be a good thing. And that there are constructive ways of dealing with them.

  • The Selfish Act of Parenting

    I’ve had a rough couple of years. From my mother’s death, moves, career changes, and a pandemic, it’s been a lot. On the whole, I’m good, but like everyone of late, I do have rough days, where I do despair and wonder, what am I doing with my life?

    One of the things I tell myself, or remind myself is more accurate, is a question I was asked a while ago from a good friend; Why can’t your purpose be to become the best father that you can be? Let that guide you, and everything else will fall in line to that.

    Like I said, I have to remind myself of that. And I can fully admit that a mess up often as a father. I do my best, I’m not perfect, but I hope that raising a daughter who knows she loved and supported in what she does will go a long way in helping her become a strong and independent woman.

    I thought about that this morning as I was making breakfast for the kid, and we talked about what we would do on this first day of Summer vacation. And then I thought about the selfless act of being a parent… But is it selfless?

    Follow me on this; if by choosing to be the best father I can be is to give myself a purpose, then isn’t the quality parenting that my daughter receives just a positive side effect of a selfish act? I’m not choosing to be a good parent strictly to be a good parent, but if by choosing to be a good father to my kid makes me feel like a good person, than aren’t I putting myself first?

    I can admit that these thoughts are a “Chicken or the Egg” quandary. Does it really matter who gets put first if the end result is that the child receives quality parenting?

    Do I have too much time on my hands, and thus think about details that have no effect on the whole?

    That’s all possible.

    (Oh, and if you like what you read, please take a second to like, share, or leave a comment.)