Category: Parenting

  • The Unexamined Life Sucks…

    Which I think is a more accurate translation from ancient Greek.

    I watched a documentary on Freud last night, and it didn’t help me sleep. What struck me in this program was that it claimed that in moments when Freud was stuck and frustrated by his own theories, he would apply them to his own life to see if they stood up to objective scrutiny. Depending on how you feel about Freud, you may feel that he succeeded or failed.

    It reminded me of Socrates’ quote, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” I know that he said it, or supposedly did, at his trial, choosing death rather than exile. Now, my interpretation is that the ancient world was about examining the external, and the modern world is about examining the internal.

    I remember wanting to write books from a very early age. I remember wanting to have as many books around me as possible. I can even remember memorizing the books my parents read to me, so I could act like I was “reading” them. (My daughter has started to exhibit the same behavior now.) I remember “scribbling” with wavy lines on paper, like I was handwriting a story. When I did learn how to write, this might have been when I was 9 or 10, I asked for and received a child’s typewriter for Christmas. I also remember wanting to tell stories; make them up, read them, perform them, etc.…

    But where did this come from?

    I understand the nature/nurture dynamic, but it can’t be all nature, can it? Being given books by my parents clearly had an impact, but is that it? Did books give me a feeling of power? Were books my “friend” when my older brothers left me alone to do older brother things? Was it playing by myself in those situations where I was forced to use my imagination to create my own stories as I did not have the interaction with another child? Or is it just something that is in me that was inevitable?

    I’m not sure if there is a clear answer here, or even a need for an answer, as in, what does that answer really “give” me? I am who I am, and I don’t regret it.

    But…

    As I mentioned above, my daughter has exhibited one of these behaviors. Is that coming from me, genetically, or from the example I set?

  • Diversity

    Why do I strive for diversity? And for that matter, why do most people my age and younger feel the same way?

    I have been thinking about these questions often, not only for the political environment that we are in now, but also when it come to my child growing up. I want her to be exposed to as many different people as possible. In New York, that was pretty easy, and I might add happily, diversity is California has been wonderful as well.

    I think that this desire for diversity in me comes from attending integrated public schools, from kindergarten to my senior year of high school. That was 13 years of being exposed to kids that were nothing like me, and at the same time, we all behaved like kids. I have a picture from the birthday party where I turned 10, and in that picture are six boys, each of a different ethnic background. And I know that I am not the only person who can say that from where I grew up.

    Sadly, I now realize, the first time that I started hanging out with only white people was when I went to college. University was so completely socially segregated that now it seems odd that no one ever brought it up.

    My point is that I believe that it is vitally important that kids be exposed, and learn with, as many different children as possible. What scares me now is that I see parents, through gentrification, creating segregated schools again.

  • Parenting Challenges

    Today, with the observance of Veteran’s Day, the kid’s school is closed. The wife, on the other hand, had to go to work. That leaves me with the kid.

    Back in New York, those were good days to spend together. Since it would be a “treat” that Dad would be home during the week, we’d watch a little extra TV, but then get ready and walk three blocks over to the park. We’d be there for an hour or more, and then head back for lunch. After eating, it would be nap time, and sometimes I would also take a nap on the couch watching Sports Center. When we got up, story and drawing time. Maybe one more TV show, and then news and getting ready for Mom to come home and dinner.

    Ah… but we are in California now. We need a car to go to the nearest park, but the wife has it today to go to work. There are wild fires that are blowing smoke in our direction, and the air quality is so bad that we can’t go outside to play. This past weekend, the last of our things arrived, so there are boxes all over the apartment. We will be making a game of putting things away and arranging the furniture. I set the kid’s easel up in the living room so we can all draw together.

    We are in transition, and this is a big change for all of us, sometimes to does feel overwhelming.  I had a colleague at the last job I had who shared an article with me when we were in the processes of moving offices. The article was about how people hate change/transition and will react negatively to things they normally would agree with. I lost the article, but I have thought about it often over this past month with everything that has happened to us. It might be awhile before we begin to feel normal again.