Category: Parenting

  • What Will We Remember from This?

    I had a video chat with a good friend the other day, who lives in Kansas City. He has a three-year-old son, and any day now, will have a newborn on his hands. Besides talking about the general insanity of the world, we started comparing notes of how we have been surviving with cuts to our income. I being laid off, and he having his salary cut. We both have been finding ways to make food last as long as possible, and we throw nothing out. We both joked to each other that we sounded like our grandparents talking about living through The Great Depression.

    When I was little and did ask my grandparents about the Depression, and mind you all of them were in their early 20’s when it happened, they all sort of laughed it off, but also, they did talk about not having a whole lot of money, and making every dime last. I especially remember all of them telling me that thy learned how to fix everything if it broke.

    I might have grandkids one day, and they might ask me about this, but what I really wonder about, and so did my good friend, was what will our little kids take away from this? My five-year-old knows that there was a lifestyle before Covid, and she is already telling me she can’t wait to return to normal when Covid is over. But is she going to remember the anxiety, the uncertainty and the feeling of discord from around the country? How much of this daily, just dumb fuckery will stick in her mind? How will this influence her for the rest of her life? For my grandparents, the Depression made them thrifty, inventive, and they had a sense of common purpose with all Americans to solve big problems.

    I hope we can do the same.

  • Coronavirus: Day 11 At Home

    It has been so much harder getting a routine started at home with all of us on top of each other. My wife has been doing the heavy lifting with the kid; making sure our daughter gets her online school lessons in, and has creative time, and as well as baking projects. I have still been trying to find my balance with the new job; when I can work, and when I need to help out at home. Half of my day is spent on a video conference call, so making sure I am not in the way, and vice versa, has been challenging. But, we are making it work, and having a little fun as well.

    For us the adults in this house, we are both battling fears and anxieties of the outside world. What if we get sick? What if we have to go to the hospital? What if they lock down the City? What if we have to leave the City? Where would we go?

    I know this is clearly coming from our experience with the California wildfires, and that feeling of being totally underprepared for what happened to us. It’s like we want to get ahead of the virus, but being at home makes us feel helpless.

    We have to take turns boosting the other. Monday, I had a really bad day. Yesterday, my wife was having a bad one. We are trying to find ways to support each other through this, while also, not trying to freak the kid out.

    I guess this is our new normal.

  • Coronavirus: Still At Home

    It has been a tough four days getting used to being home all the time. We don’t have a big apartment, and we are making the best that we can with our day. We do have a schedule that we are trying to stick to, and also trying to make time for both of us to work, watch the kid, and also, we are trying to find some personal alone time to decompress. Walks are helping, but we are all feeling the strain of this new normal.

    I have to limit my access to the news, as it does bring me down, and make me feel rather hopeless. I was in a good mood this morning, then I had a computer issue that affected my ability to work, and that started me down a spiral of thought that we are in an un-survivable situation; That nothing will work or help.

    And then I took a deep breath, and played “store” with my daughter, and I felt a little better. I talked it over with my wife, who is also being brave but is filled with anxiety as well, and both of us admitting that we are nervous did take the pressure off. We are in this together.

    The best I can equate this to, is like the Great Depression. When the people’s lives, across just about every spectrum, were affected in such a titanic manner. My grandparents got through that, and even were able to joke about it. So, I know it can be done.

  • Coronavirus in NYC: Kids, Self-Quarantine, and Work

    We had planned on having to shelter at home as early as Friday, and we started making preparations. We shopped for a week and half’s worth of food. Knowing that the odds were that NYC schools would be closed on Monday, we went to our storage unit, which has been holding all of our things from the California move, and pulled out some of our books, DVDs, and all of the kid’s stuff. We don’t want to be the people who watch tv non-stop for a month.

    And we thought we had it all under control.

    But Monday did catch us off guard, a little. Such as, we talked about a plan, but we didn’t write it down. The City didn’t suspend alt-side parking, so the wife, kid, and dog had to go move the car and find a new parking space, which took time. (I don’t know why parking wasn’t suspended, but that really is a New Yorker complaint.) I was out doing laundry, and I did all of our laundry to be safe, and that also took longer than I thought. By lunchtime, we were running behind schedule.

    By early afternoon, I had my first day of work, and I am very thankful that I was able to do my four hours of training through video conferencing. I know that I am very lucky to be hired during a pandemic, and I am even more lucky that I am working for a company that is letting me start this job by remoting in. But that did mean that I was working at the desk, and couldn’t help with the kid, so my wife was solo parenting for half the day.

    After we put our daughter to bed, we sat down and planned out today. We made sure we both worked in time for the other to be alone for a bit, (writing for me, yoga for her) but most importantly, we planned out activities for our daughter; to keep learning, being creative, and having some limited outdoor time. I know that we will get through this, all of us, but we have to figure out a way to just get through the day.

  • Free Sick Day

    The kid was home sick today, and I was with her, remote working from the kitchen counter. I did the normal parent thing; let her watch tv while she lay on the couch, ate cracker and juice, made chicken soup. It was a free day for her, and I did have moments of remembering that feeling of the “sick free day.”

    When I was a kid, I was home with my mother most of the time, but at some point I know that I was left alone. I think that age was 10. I remember my parents calling and checking on me. I remember making toast, and cup o’ soup on my own. I remember game shows, and soap operas, and that feeling that the day was half over by the time the noon local news came on. I also remember as the day started draw to dusk, knowing my parents would be home soon, and that was the feeling that the day was over. I wanted the sick day to last forever, but it never did. Yet, I was happy to have my parents home to talk to.

    For the kid, it was Netflix, and binge watching cartoons. We talked, I blew her nose, and I wondered what about sick days will she remember? Relatively, I think it will be the same for her as it was for me. The feeling of having a free day, and then it slowly slips away. Except she is missing out on the world of game shows, like Card Sharks and Press your Luck.