Category: Parenting

  • Oops… No Writing Yesterday

    I didn’t meet my goal yesterday, which was writing. I was able to journal, but I didn’t complete a blog, nor did I work on any fiction.

    But I spent a huge amount of time with my kid. We made chicken stock in the morning, and read books together in the afternoon. We were able to go to the playground, and draw pictures together while drinking hot chocolate. In the evening, we made dinner, and watched “Star Wars.” It was a very fulfilling day.

    Being locked at home al the time, I get in my head that I should be making huge strides, and racking up enormous word counts daily. And maybe I should if I want to have a career.

    But I don’t want to miss this time with my daughter. I mean, I’m teaching her to read. Helping her sound out words and become confident with her ability to learn. It really is a gift to be with her at this time, and to learn how learning works.

  • Struggling to Get By

    I am tired. I haven’t been sleeping well. Trump’s refusal to concede the election, though I knew it would happen, isn’t helping either. I am also getting burned out of the routine that we are in, and I’m afraid of the possible 2nd/3rd wave of Covid that is coming.

    It really is like 2020 refuses to die.

    I am fortunate that I have my wife, as we are leaning on each other for support. We both find ourselves just getting by. In the sense that we can get the bare minimum out, but really can’t seem to muscle anything additional. Such as our Algot shelf project still hasn’t been completed yet. We are close, but still not there.

    The other thing that has been heavy on my mind is that it looks like September 2021 might be the earliest that we can get back to “normal.” If there is a safe and effective vaccine ready for next year, then we are looking at April or May until we can take it. That’s pretty much at the end of the school year. To me that says the kid won’t be back in a class until September. That means we will have a Summer together, and Fall will be the time, hopefully, that I’ll be able to get out there and find a job.

    And that feels like a million years away.

    Another million years of just barely getting by to hope that we get an opportunity to better our situation. Feels like we better have some good luck on our side.

  • Kids, Halloween and Covid

    Halloween is tomorrow, and we have a five year old who is super excited for, lets be honest, the best kid’s holiday. Sure, just about everyone will say Christmas, but think about Halloween; for a kid, all you have to do is put on a costume, knock on a door, and you get candy. You don’t have to be thankful for anything, or wish goodwill to your fellow man. It’s just pretending and getting candy.

    Sadly, this is the age of Covid, and we just can’t do what we want to do, which is visiting neighbors and getting the afore mentioned candy.

    I feel really awful for our kid, as she keeps getting the short end of the stick on Halloween. Three years ago, we were moving to California, and my mother had just passed away. We found ourselves on Flagstaff, AZ for Halloween. The city’s downtown had an awesome trick or treat path that took you to all the business in the square. It was not ideal, but it was good. Last year, we got evacuated from our home in northern California due to wildfires. We went to stay with friends in LA, and they helped us get a costume for the kid, and we trick or treated in their neighborhood. Again, not ideal, but we did have a really good time.

    This is yet another year that the kid cannot trick or treat in out NYC neighborhood. We are scrambeling again to come up with something that will be memorable and fun, and also where we can keep our distatnce.

    I look forward to a year when things are just normal. I have this feeling that when the kid gets older, Halloween will be the holiday that causes her a feeling of uncertainty.

  • Two Years From My Mother’s Passing

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    Two years ago, today, my mother passed away. It happened too fast. In June
    she had a funny feeling in her throat when she swallowed. In August, she was diagnosed
    with a tumor in esophagus and lung. In late September she when in fir a surgery
    to remove the mass from her lung. Her three day stay in the hospital turned
    into a week. The next week her lungs started to fail. Then she was moved to
    hospice, and died on a Sunday morning.

    In five months, everything changed. It was awful, and hard, and none of us
    in the family have yet found solid ground under our feet. But we were reminded
    how strong our family bond is. We were all there for our Dad, and for each
    other.

    Last year at this time, I was a sad angry wreck. I have a great wife that
    gave me space, and time, and allowed me to grieve the way I discovered that I
    needed.

    This year, I felt I was handling it well. It wasn’t a matter of seeing the
    date coming up on the calendar, but more like I could feel the date coming in
    me. And yesterday, it was an anxious feeling, not knowing how I would feel or
    react to this day. I think I am dealing with it better than I thought.

    Today is a sad day; melancholy and sluggish. I did speak to my father; which
    I am sure my brothers did the same thing. I wouldn’t say that we are getting
    better, or that it hurts less. It’s a part of me. It is a part now that reminds
    me to love those in my life, and to let them know.

  • Playing with Dolls

    So, we are doing the remote school thing for my daughter. It is not idea in anyway, but we are making the best out of it, and we do have a really good teacher we all like.

    Today, we ended up have a long break between video classes, and the kid wanted us to play something together. Let’s play with my Barbies, was what my daughter suggested, and ever since she turned five, this has been a common request. I am happy to oblige in the make believe. I mean, I’ve played spaceship, pirates, and she has endulged me with making a few puppet shows. All of this to me falls under the respobilities of being a father.

    As we were playing with my daughter’s dolls, a memory shot back into my mind that I had completely forgotten about. I remembered being about eight years old, riding my bike through the neighborhood with some other friends on a random day after school, and my friend Kevin told me that this one kid who lives up the street, this kid plays with Barbies. I remembered the shock and feeling embarrassed for this boy. That this boy had crossed some social line, and it must be a huge secret this boy was trying to hide. That this kid had some huge burden on him. But I don’t remember anyone ever bring it up to this kid. It was just a known secret.

    I don’t remember when boys playing with dolls stopped being a big deal. I know in high school it wasn’t an issue anymore, as the group I hung with were all outcasts, artists, and theatre people, and being different was celebrated, and valued. I think nowadays, people would be shocked if a parent took dolls away from their son who wanted to play with them.

    Maybe, there has been some progress against toxic masculinity.