Category: Parenting

  • First and Second Day of School

    This academic year, we switched schools that our daughter attends. It wasn’t an easy decision, and there were many family discussions, and up and downs, but we landed on a school we are all happy with. This did cause us to have a short Summer, as her old school got out on the last week of June, and her new school started this middle of August. Again, we had discussed this as a family, and the kid said she was okay with all of it.

    And when the first day rolled around, she was up and ready to go – full of excitement and itching to start the adventure. The new school required a uniform, which she felt was like Harry Potter and Hogwarts. Though she did mention that it was a little sad not to go to school with her old friends, she said she was ready to make new friends. This school was out of the neighborhood, so we had to ride the subway, which was a new adventure. Everything was new and exciting, and we were all ready for it. And it wasn’t surprising that by the time I picked her up from school, the excitement and adrenaline had worn off, and she was tired, and in the end, though she likes school, it was still school.

    Today, was we got up this morning, there was no joy or excitement in getting up to go to school. The newness had worn off in 24 hours, and we returned to the world of her asking, “Why is school so early?” Sprinkle on top of that and nice bit of grumpiness. She did get up and go, and as we got closer to the school, her attitude got better, but she was still closer to grumpy than nice.

    Again, I am not surprised at this reaction. Going someplace new is hard. It’s hard to walk into a room full of people, who all know each other, and fit in. Being new brings up stresses and anxieties in her, and I am powerless to assuage them. I can support and be there and listen, but dropping her off is the first time I really felt powerless in helping her. I’m confident in her to overcome this, and make this school work, to make friends, and thrive in this new environment.

    She’s got this.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Harry Kane, Goodbye Japan and England, and Bookstores

    (Witty Quip!)

    After three years, and I believe it has been three years, of me saying that Harry Kane will leave Tottenham for another team; it has come to pass. The Athletic is reporting that Kane is going to Bayern Munich. I wish it weren’t true, but it is. And though I would have liked to have seen Tottenham win, I don’t know, several trophies – the odds of that happening in the near future are slim. If Kane wants to be considered in the top tier of international footballers, then he needs to win some hardware, and Bayern makes sense for that reason. In one year, he could win the Bundesliga championship, and the Champions League. Sadly, Tottenham management, looking at you Levy, couldn’t get their act in gear and deliver a manager and additional players to move Spurs into that level, and hence, why Kane left. I don’t blame him. You compete in professional sports to win, and you have to go where your odds are best for that outcome. I guess I will need to start watching Bundesliga now.

    And Japan lost to Sweden! I didn’t see that coming. I started to think that this was Japan’s Cup, and that there wasn’t another team out there that could keep up with them. But the Swedish women aren’t messing around, and I think they might take the whole thing. As for England – they’re done. The two-game suspension on Lauren James’ Red Card against Nigeria is a team killer. She and that team lost their composure, and that is a fall that is hard to recover from. I see Columbia taking full advantage of this situation, seeing how far they can push England. That having been said, since I am always wrong with soccer predictions, I am now calling a Sweden v Australia Final. 100% Guaranteed. Take it to the bank!

    And in the end; I about to head to the local bookstore with the kid. I’m going to get her a book or two. Maybe one for myself as well. It’s late Summer and the clock is ticking until she’s back in school, and then we start the marathon to the end of the year. So, with that in mind, I want to go to a bookstore. And wander the shelves, and let my kid go forth and discover things that she might want to read. My dad used to do this with me when I was her age, and being lost in a bookstore does somehow slow down time. Nothing happens quickly there, as discovery arrives on its own schedule.

  • School Days

    As we get closer to the end of Summer, all of my focus begins to move towards getting the kid ready for school. For the past few years, she attended a local neighborhood public school, and even though we loved our school, the wife and I decided that our daughter needed to attend a different school that would better meet her needs.

    I say all of this because today was Orientation Day for the new school, and we were up and out, bright and early, on this late Summer morning.

    I clearly love my kid very much, but one of the things I am most proud about her is that she is unafraid to try new things. When I was her age, anything that changed my predictable pattern scared the shit out of me, and is still an issue I deal with today. But not my kid – she sees the new school as a chance to make new friends, try new things, learn new stuff – it’s all exciting to her.

    As with this Orientation, the kids went in one direction to find their classrooms and meet their teachers, and the parents went to the auditorium to get a Power Point presentation. (I don’t mean to sound like I am mocking, I’m not. It was a well-done presentation.) But we still had to sit and wait, as there were a good number of new parents and kids to this school, and processing all of us wasn’t a quick or easy task.

    I sat in the middle back of the auditorium, and I have always sat in the middle back in any theatre or auditorium I have even had the chance to select my seat. I’m pretty sure I started doing this in high school, nearly thirty years ago. I had read once that seat selection says something about you psychological make up.

    Not sure I believe it, but let’s say it’s true. So, the type A’s sit on the front row, and the bad kids are in the back. The people who don’t want to be noticed sit in the middle, and the people who don’t want to be there sit on the isle. (I think my selection says that I want to be “bad” but also not get noticed.) According to this group of parents – almost everyone didn’t want to be noticed, a handful were type A, not that many people on the isles, and I didn’t look behind me, so I don’t know how many “bad kids” were there.

    What I did see was a very diverse crowd of parents. None of us looked the same, and we all did look rather tired for being up that early. It’s one of the aspects of living in NYC that I enjoy, and I know will benefit my kid, which is that she has and will continue to go to school with kids that different from her, and they all will help each other broaden their horizons. Also, this was a room full of dedicated parents, which is something that we all had in common – we want what’s best for our kids.

  • Second Guessing Parent

    I have one kid, and she is an only child. Also, I’m raising my kid in New York City. These are the facts of my situation as a parent.

    I went out of my way to create my own little family in the most opposite way possible from the way I was raised. I grew up in the suburbs outside of Dallas, TX. I had two older brothers, and lived in a modest four-bedroom house with a backyard, and was surrounded by other four-bedroom houses filled with nuclear families raising lots of children. It was a neighborhood that school busses rolled through in the mornings, and was then filled with kids on bikes in the afternoon.

    I know why I live in New York City, because I wanted a career in the performing arts, and this is one of the cities you can do it in. I never wanted to get married until I met the woman who became my wife. And I never wanted kids either, again, until I met my wife, and having a family with her sounded like a wonderful idea, sprouting from the ideal place of commitment and love.

    I don’t regret anything, nor would I change anything, but there are some days that I wonder if our life would be easier, and by effect, would we be better parents, if we raised our kid in the same way we were raised – e.g. growing up in the suburbs?

    There is one running theme in my life, and that is if I am told to go right, I’ll go left. If I’m told to jump, I’ll squat. I seem to go out of my way to do the opposite of what everyone else is doing. Most of the time, to my own detriment. Am I making choices that will have a negative effect on my kid?

    The answer to that is yes. No matter what I do, there will always be unforeseen consequences. There is no right decision, only decision we learn to live with, and accept as positive. I love my parents, but they screwed up a lot with me and my brothers. (We were all stinkers, too, so I don’t blame them.) At the same time, they did most of the important stuff right, and in the end, I wouldn’t change it.

    I guess this is what I’m going for when it comes to my kid; just get the big stuff right.

  • School Recitals

    My daughter had her Spring School Recital this morning. I won’t be reviewing the performances, so to speak (I will leave that to more professional writers like Frank Rich and David Sedaris,) but I would like to talk about the kids who clearly don’t want to be there.

    When I was in grade school, I was the kid that wanted to be front and center. I tried to sing the loudest, and get the most attention. I was a drama nerd from very early on. Hence why I persuaded a professional performance and theatrical career. All be it from behind a puppet, but still. Being up in front of people is a place where I am comfortable, and watching the kids in my daughter’s class, I could see that she and a few others also enjoyed having an audience.

    Yet, I do know and understand that for most people, have a group of people eagerly stare at you is not a fun way to spend any length of time. I took a moment to watch those kids today. The kids that were told they had to be up there, and sing along. I am happy to say there weren’t any trouble makers – no one went out of their way to sabotage the proceedings. These were the kids that were looking up at the ceiling, and mouthing the words. Doing anything to just get through the three minutes of singing.

    And when the song was over, and the half hearted bow was given, then the spark of joy and excitement came across their faces as they could NOW start leaving the stage to return back to their classrooms. It was like a magic switch was thrown, and they popped back to being kids.

    My kid was awesome, by the way.