Category: Parenting

  • The Ebbs and Flow of Christmas Time (Unedited)

    Christmas time is here again, just in case you didn’t know.

     

    The year has flown by. The tree is up, and we are getting ready to start doing all of the Holiday stuff. You know, shopping, wrapping gift, baking cookies, seeing friends. The usual. And I do enjoy celebrating Christmas in New York City. For all the things this City is famous for, it really is a Holiday Town.

     

    It’s taken awhile for Christmas to start feeling fun again for me after the passing of my Ma. The absence of a parent during this time of year seems to hammer home the void that has been left. I think I have been doing a good job with trying to keep Christmas fun for the kid, and I do worry that my sorrow and mourning might affect her enjoyment of the Season. I think I have succeeded in this effort.

     

    I can also admit that slowly, year by year, the joy of Christmas has started to slowly return to me. It’s still not the same, and certain things, traditions, still don’t ring true as they used to. But now, I feel the kid’s excitement of this time of year, and that is a replenishing feeling that helps alleviate the experience of loss.

     

    And that is where I am now. I miss my mother, and I know that my Christmas will never feel the way they did when she was around, and that’s okay. My Christmas now is about my family, and making the kid have memories, and building something new on top of the love that was shared with me.

  • Day Two with a Sick Kid (Random Stuff)

    To answer the question from yesterday’s blog, yes I am using my sick kid to procrastinate. Half the day has gone by, and only now am I getting around to do the stuff I need to do.

    I started the day on the right foot, though. I was up on time, and sat down on the couch and got about twenty good minutes writing in my journal. I hashed out all the stuff that had happened yesterday; sick kid, pediatrician visit, lack of production, and also I got stuck in a death spiral of thinking about all the mistakes I made five years ago, and how much of an idiot I was  and why I just can’t let that shit go, you know.

    Then the kid got up. She didn’t look good; low fever, headache, sick to her stomach. We sent her back to bed with some children’s Tylenol. In the quiet two hours that followed, I could have got some work done, but again, I found myself on my phone. I did the dishes, but honestly, that was another delay tactic on my behalf.

    A minute ago, we sat down and did her homework together. I mean, I was sitting next to her while she did it. It was more like overseeing homework. If she wanted some screen time, then I said she needed to get the majority of her work done, which she did. We only have to do thirty minutes of reading, and I intend to read the latest New Yorker short story.

    But I want to make chicken stock, so I have the base to make potato leek soup for dinner tonight. And I haven’t sketched in a while, so it would be nice to tackle that today was well. And that one flash story got rejected from another magazine – that would be the piece that I have been trying to rewrite for a week now. Yeah, I think this is the sign that I need to do the rewrite.

    Let’s see how much I can get done.

  • The Ol’ Sick Kid Bit

    I had plans today, but the kid got sick. Well, she got sick at school and I had to go and pick her up. I mean, she woke up early and wasn’t feeling the best, but she said it was only a headache and she could deal with it. Then, when she got to school, she started feeling worse, and her teacher called me to say that I should come and pick her up.

    Which I did. And she didn’t look good when I got her. Real pale, and whimpering a little, too. Just a sad sack. When we got home, she took a nap right away. She never takes naps, so the fact that she took one leads me to believe that she actually wasn’t feeling good.

    As for my plans… they’re shot to hell. I got the laundry done, and I will get a blog out today. Yet, I doubt I will make it to my journal, and there was this rewrite of a flash piece that I wanted to complete.

    But… We just watched an old David Tennant Doctor Who episode. That was kind’a cool.

    But… I’m still not getting my work done.

    At some point I have to start asking myself if I’m being a good dad, or am I rationalizing my procrastination? You know, using the kid as an excuse.

    I feel like I should be doing more, creating more, and then I also have this feeling come over me that none of this really matters. It is a fool’s errand that I am on; somehow thinking that any of this amounts to something.

    If it gives me purpose? If it means something to me? Does that have value?

    You know, following my bliss only seems to lead me introspective questions.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Crypto Scam, Sick Kid, Reject Me Already, and Thanksgiving

    (Don’t flood it…)

    So, Sam Bankman-Fried is going to jail for a very long time. I’m sure you know this, but crypto is a scam. Or, if I’m being polite, it’s just a new form of gambling. And SBF gambled and got caught. From everything that I read about this guy, he was too smart for his own good. He struck me as the type of person who was, and knew he was, smarter than everyone else, and somehow thought he could use his intelligence to get himself out of this situation. In the end, he was a con-artist, and he coned a lot of people. Including some other very smart people. Also, I am aware that as soon as I post this, I will get inundated with a bunch of crypto bots trying to get me to buy crypto.

    And the kid is sick. We watched “Let’s Make a Deal” this morning together. That was sweet. She’s running a fever, and feels awful, but she gets the iPad all day, so it’s not all bad.

    And as of this minute, I have yet to be rejected by Taco Bell Quarterly. They are one of my favorite online lit journals, and I’m not saying that because I submitted a story to them. TBQ has an attitude not unlike a favorite underground punk band that is parts hilarious, offensive, and friendly all at the same time. Anyway, the other day TBQ announced that they were sending out rejection letters and… I’m waiting for my rejection letter. They did say it would take some time, as they have to send out 2,800+ rejections. Over on TBQ’s X/Twitter feed, writers who have received their rejections are editing and marking out their letters to create new messages of varying degrees of positive/negative statements. It’s been fun to watch. But still… Where’s my rejection letter?

    Now that Halloween is over, time to start prepping for Thanksgiving. For me, that means making chicken, turkey and mushroom stock ahead of time. As well as stock piling non-perishable food. I’m getting ahead this year, and watch how this will play out. I’m sure I’ll be writing about it often.

  • It’s Halloween, Ya’ll!

    The day is finally here. The kid had trouble sleeping last night, because she’s very excited about all the fun that will happen today. Not only does she get to wear her costume to school, she’s going as Coraline, but this year her parents are joining in on the fun and going as Coraline’s parents. We’ll get an early dinner, and then meet up with friends and do a group Trick or Treating tonight. And right before the grownup’s invade the streets of New York to have their fun, we’ll get a cab home to avoid all the shenanigans. It will be a late night, with a possible tummy ache.

    The funny conversation we had while skipping to school this morning was her asking me when was the last year I tricked or treated? I was in 6th grade, so that puts it at 1988. I went as Indiana Jones, and walking around with my friends, going door to door, I felt the embarrassment of being too old for this. Twelve years old is an awkward age, but I’m pretty sure I was the twelve-year-old that wanted to be a 16-year-old, and being around real little kids just wasn’t cool anymore.

    I fear that the reason the kid asked me this was to try a gage how many trick or treat Halloweens she has left. I hope that wasn’t the reason because that would mean that she is aware of the mortality of certain events in her life. I had thought we had a year or two left of her thinking these occasions/events/holidays went on forever in their cycle – never changing just repeating. But they do change. Ever so slightly from year to year.

    And that’s why I told her that Halloween does stay fun. I had a bunch of really great Halloweens in my college theatre department. It is a holiday that is prime for a certain group of people who like to put on costumes, get into character, and then have a late-night party – that was a lot of fun. But most of all, I remember the friendships, and the good times with people I enjoyed seeing, being with, and working with as well. There was a lull between kid Halloween and grownup Halloween, but each one has its place. Now I’m smack in the middle of parent Halloween, which is pretty unique on its own, and also has a very special place as well.

    So, I hope everyone has fun tonight. Be safe and celebrate in your own way. For me, I’ll be that guy chasing after his daughter in a green Michigan State sweatshirt, because that’s what I want to do for Halloween.