Category: Movies

  • Personal Review: Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

    (You better believe there will be SPOLIERS!)

    Let me just start with this; I consider Raiders of the Lost Ark to be the greatest action movie, and I dare say that it is also one of the best movies ever. I could go on and on about how Raiders changed the notion of what an action movie could be, how it’s Harrison Ford’s best performance, and the music is iconic!

    I have done my best not to be a “fanboy” when it comes to all things Indiana Jones, and just let be what it is. I came to terms years ago that nothing will ever match that feeling I had watching Raiders for the first time – the excitement, awe, gasps, and that strange feeling of not knowing where the story was going to go next. I will never get “that” feeling back, and that’s okay. I can still have fun with the other movies in the series.

    But I still went into Dial of Destiny with a well of anxious feelings in the pit of my stomach. Not for me, but for Harrison Ford – he said this was the last Indy film, and I just wanted it to have the conclusion that both he and the character deserve. And I wanted the de-aging CGI to not look all fake.

    And for what Dial of Destiny was, I enjoyed. It was not an Indiana Jones movie in the model of Raiders, Temple, or Crusade. No, what Destiny reminded me of was the “Indiana Jones: Find Your Fate” book series from Ballentine Books which came out in the late 1980’s. Yes, they were a knock off of the “Choose Your Own Adventure” book series, but for this kid, they were an easy continuation of Indy adventures, which kept the morality simple, with this version of Indy always being the good guy looking to keep treasures out of the wrong hands, and hopefully, back into a museum. The stories took place all over the world, Indy always had a “friend” in whatever location who could help out, and there was a very simplified history lesson thrown in for good measure. At least, that’s what I remember, and that’s what Destiny felt like.

    Except in Destiny, after kicking some Nazi ass in the intro sequence, Indy is about to get divorced, retiring from teaching at Hunter College in Manhattan, and acts like a man who has given up. You gotta start low if you need your hero to surmount something. This set up was veering into the world of tropes, as I think this is how Die Hard with a Vengeance starts. After this shaky beginning with older Indy, some life gets injected into the movie when Phoebe Waller-Bridge shows up. She can handle the action and has a gift for delivering the quippy lines.

    And thus, we have our set up, which brings me to why Destiny felt like the “Find Your Fate” books, and that’s not a complaint. The action is split between Indy and this new character, Waller-Bridge, which in the books would have been you, the reader. We jet and sail around the Mediterranean, meet Indy’s friends who always die, and we get a nice history lesson about the Siege of Syracuse and Archimedes. It felt familiar without being fan service.

    What this movie got right was not treating Indy’s age as a joke, or a running gag, or just ignoring it like I think lesser talented writers would do. Destiny had a theme that it stuck to, which was the fear that life has passed you by, the best days are behind you, and there is no where left to go. I know some people will think killing Mutt off was a bit of fan service, but I disagree. That’s a death that would deeply wound, and break a parent, and Indy’s inability to open up about that loss was played very well by Ford. This Indy has serious regrets, and those regrets create an understandable motivation. When Indy and Marion reconcile at the end (and Karen Allen was disgracefully underused in this movie) we can see that these are two people who are hurt and need each other, but have to grow together in dealing with their grief. It is a much more serious ending than I was expecting, but for the totality of the series, Indy needed to not end as a tragic hero that always misses out on getting the treasure; he needed to get the girl and understand his place in the world.

    So, where does Destiny place in the cannon? Here’s my list:

    1. Raider of the Lost Ark
    2. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
    3. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
    4. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

    5. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

  • ODDS and ENDS: Bad Movie Bible, Stuck in the Rain, and Father’s Day Gifts

    (If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the shower…)

    For those who know me, and for the other four people who read this, you know that I love the show Mystery Science Theater 3000, and bad movies in general. As soon as I got a Blockbuster card as a teenager, I was renting only the best of the really awful movies, usually to watch with friends on Friday or Saturday nights in junior and high school. (I was a popular cool kid, if you couldn’t tell.) That was a happy time in my life, and when I have a rough day, an episode of MST3k, or an awful movie hidden deep in Amazon Prime Video (they really do have the schlocky-ist of movies) will quickly get me back on track to a better mood. About a month ago, The Great God Algorithm of YouTube decreed that I needed to start watching the videos of The Bad Movie Bible, which is created and hosted by Rob Hill. (I thank Thee, Great God of the Algorithm, for this gift!) Hill is a hilarious encyclopedia of awful movies, and with his dead pan delivery and spot on editing of clips, he has created some of the best and funniest videos detailing specific genres of bad movies. My favorite series he has are the “Borrowing Blockbuster” videos that go into detail on all the knock off movies that came out to cash in on the success of huge hit movies – like Star Wars, Jaws, Die Hard, etc.… I respect Hill’s commitment to movies that most people write off, and at the same time I am amazed at his stamina to handle what must feel like an unending onslaught of awfulness.

    Today, I did the Alt Side Parking dance of moving the car. No big deal, went as normal as all the other days that I do it. But as I walked home, it started to rain. I didn’t know it was supposed to rain early today; I was told this afternoon. And as such, I had no raincoat or umbrella. I was a guy caught out in the rain, a few blocks from home. So, I walked in the rain and got soaked. It occurred to me that I haven’t been caught in the rain in a long time, like ten years maybe. Once I accepted that I was going to get soaked, it was a rather enjoyable experience.

    My wife and kid got me a Tottenham Hotspur t-shirt, and supporter’s pin for Father’s Day. That made me very happy.

  • Pete Seeger’s Goofing-Off Suite

    I was 35 years old when I learned that the soundtrack to one of my all time favorite movies, Raising Arizonia, was based off the music of Pete Seeger.

  • There’s No Money in the Media

    VICE filed for bankruptcy. I’m not surprised. VICE was the only media company I knew that no one read or watched. Hold on, except for Desus and Mero. But outside of that, I never met another person who was like, “I just read this piece on VICE,” or “Did you see that story on VICE news?”

    Nope.

    Not a once.

    Oh, I did see Shane Smith everywhere, talking about how great and important VICE was. As far as I can tell, Shane made Williamsburg worse, by putting VICE’s headquarters there, and Shane also paid himself a huge, unreasonable salary while paying his writers barely above nothing with a side of free exposure.

    And don’t forget that one of the co-founders of VICE went on to found the Proud Boys. So… that says something…

    Yet, when I read that they never turned a profit, and were forced to file for bankruptcy, thus the sense was made; It was all hype, with no substance.

    I don’t mean to dance on VICE’s grave, and I do feel bad for the writer who will get laid off, but Shane Smith drove that ship onto the ground, and he’s still going to walk off a millionaire. And I though Canadians were all nice and shit.

    But the truth of this situation, which is the same truth that has been around forever, is that there is no money to be made in media, unless you own a lot of media. My first day as a journalism major, the professor told us there is no money to be made being a journalist. (Incidentally, on the first day of film and theatre school, those respective professors said the exact same thing.) I find it very strange that there is no way to make a living wage in media, but somehow the richest people in the world are in media.

    Has no one else noticed this?

    Well, outside of people in the WGA, that is…

  • Award Shows Aren’t Relevant

    I watched the Oscars last night, and I had a good time. I tried to Live Tweet about it, but half way through the show, I had to get the kid ready for bed, and I never got back to making snarky comments. (But I did get in on Huge Grant being a total dick while being interviewed at the pre-show.) Yet, having watched the whole show, I have to admit that the Oscars is a dull watch.

    I only tune in for nostalgia reasons. There was a time in my life, 90’s and midway through the 2000’s, where I went to the movies nearly every week. I used to work at a video store which allowed me to catch up on older films, and make friends with other cinephiles that lead inevitably to conversations/debates about movies. By the end of the year, I would have seen every movie nominated for Best Picture. It was a period of time that I was consuming great movies with some of my best friends. So, when Oscar time rolled around my friends and I were well informed with our picks, which we happily argued over endlessly.

    When I watch the Oscar’s, I want that feeling to return. It never does, but I hope. It would help if I got back into the habit of watching movies religiously. Maybe when the kid heads off to college, I’ll get some free time again.

    Even as I was watching last night, I couldn’t shake the feeling that this whole production wasn’t relevant anymore. The point of an award show is to get people interested in the consuming what is being awarded, and to see a bunch of celebrities in one room. But doesn’t social media, the demonic god that it is, do that now? I think the dropping tv ratings confirm that most people aren’t interested anymore. If it weren’t for my Quixotic quest for nostalgia, I don’t think I’d watch either. Just check out the highlights on Twitter.

    Now if the Oscars wanted to clean up the show, just cut to the parts that people are there to see; wildly successful celebrities failing to get something they want, and humble-brag acceptance speeches. Sure, leave the song performances, but cut the rest. I could get it down to two hours.