Author: Matthew Groff

  • Retired Flash Fiction Story

    (This is an experiment of a flash fiction story that I decided to retire from submitting. Enjoy.)

    Airbag

    There was light, and then there was darkness. Maybe there was sound, but I think all I can remember hearing was the fear in my brain; As I was scared. Or was I screaming? Broken glass? I think so, and if that was true, then I don’t know how I didn’t get cut up. I hit my head, and banged up my back. There wasn’t any blood that you’d expect.

    What existed after, most likely before if only I had paid attention, was the feeling of floating, up and away – of relief that I was here and not in some other place, even though no rational person would want to be where I was, and that’s because they weren’t fully/completely aware of being alive in this reality, but now, or at least then – in the aftermath – I was present.

    When I was a child, growing up in the Cold War, knowing that at any second one of two nations could blow up the whole world; so many people lived in the pool of existential threat every day. Life could end at the push of a button, as that was modernity. But what I fixated on wasn’t necessarily that all life could end, but having to wait for it to end. Being told the missile was on the way, that in a matter of minutes I would be evaporated, but I had to wait for my impending death. That count down is what scared me. Sure, if you knew you had one day left, then you could get some stuff done. But with five minutes – I would just be left with my thoughts. My awful thoughts. Even if I tried to be constructive with my five minutes, I’d most likely use four of the minutes deciding what to do, and that last minute wouldn’t be enough time to accomplish it. But I know me, and I would spend five minutes kicking myself for all the things I didn’t do. Hating myself as the doom, the bomb, the endless end drew nearer. Not enjoying what I had, but regretting what was.

    The darkness did give way to the light once again. I opened my eyes. I looked around and made sure I was alive. On the side of a highway, having spun around, I was alive. Excitable, juiced, sweating yet cold. The Universe had expanded, only to contract back to the same place, and I was still there. The blue gray interstate, an airbag deflating – I had the acknowledgement of time.

  • Short Story Review: “Status in Flux” by Weike Wang

    (The short story “Status in Flux” by Weike Wang appeared in the June 26th, 2023 issue of The New Yorker.)

    (As in life, there will be SPOILERS!)

    Illustration by Jiayue Li

    First, we had stories about Covid arriving. Then there were the stories about living with Covid. Now we have arrived in age of stories after Covid, and what it all meant. “Status in Flux” by Weike Wang is at the vanguard of the “after Covid” era with all the questions: What did it all mean? How has it affected us? Some people have moved on, while others haven’t; why?

    As the story begins, the narrator informs us that the world recently opened up for travel after Covid, while at the same time she is having intense insomnia which she is addressing by driving at night to twenty-four hour grocery stores to peruse the froze isle. Just from the opening, this piece is witty, clever, and humorous. The narrator is in process of applying for a green card so her and her husband can travel, because everyone else in her life has gone off to travel. Her Canadian parents, her younger sister-in-law, her in-laws, and her friends. But, because of the green card process, she cannot leave the country. The story daftly intertwines all of these storylines, while also giving the narrator ample ability to dwell on her life as an immigrant, first from China as a child moving to Canada, then moving to America for grad school.

    Weike Wang is a very good writer. The story moved at a good pace, the characters felt individual and authentic to their own situations. Like I said, there is a healthy bit of humor in the story, and a few running and call back jokes are thrown in as well. The piece is well structured, showing Wang’s skill of not over staying any one storyline too long.

    Yet, at the end of the story I couldn’t shake the feeling that nothing happened. All of the other characters go out in the world, but the narrator and her husband are stuck at home in New Jersey, waiting to see if she gets her green card. I get that narratively, logically and thematically that this is the point of the story, but it didn’t feel satisfying. The narrator keeps doing the same thing at the end of the story that she did at the beginning – driving to all-night places while dealing with insomnia. Also, the narrator doesn’t seem to learn anything, or gain any new knowledge, and emotionally, she never grew from where she started. It was frustrating because in the final moment of the story, the narrator is talking of driving to the boarder, all phrased as questions – so it’s just a hypothetical, and not a choice or an action.

    This story really did charm me, and I enjoyed reading it. As I got closer to the end, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it did feel like it was building to something. For that reason, I can’t say that I loved this story, but I most certainly didn’t hate it. I would have to say that I had the mildest, lightest of disappointments with it. But in the end, you should read it.

  • Personal Review: KUDOS by Rachel Cusk

    (SPOLIERS, but I don’t think you can spoil this novel…)

    I’m a big fan of Rachel Cusk. Ever since I read a piece on her in The New Yorker a while ago, and I think the article was about the OUTLINE Trilogy, I have found her to be a huge inspiration and a fascinating author. She does a great job in fooling me in believing that we are close friends, and the conversations she shares with me, makes me feel smarter. Like all very talented writers, she’s also part magician – conjuring a relationship with the reader that never really existed, and making us feel that we are the only person she is talking to.

    I finished KUDOS, the final novel in the OUTLINE Trilogy last week. All in all, it took me the span of five years to read the three novels. I can understand how a person would argue that this delay in completing the series would be detrimental to my understanding, if not appreciation of the trilogy. Yet, I don’t believe it has. Returning to these books is like visiting an old friend from college. Things pick up right where they left off, no feeling of lost time. And this friend doesn’t try to guilt me for my absence.

    If one were to look up reviews for these books, almost all of them will make references to how these books are a new form, even an experimental version, of what an autobiographical novel can be. Some will even compare the books to Karl Ove Knausgaard’s My Struggle series, which might be applicable. I don’t agree with the comparison, as Karl is overtly autobiographical, while Rachel only hints at autobiography, but clearly has kept her protagonist a fictional version of herself.  Which lead me to start to believe that all the “new form of a novel” was more marketing hype than actual reality.

    Don’t get me wrong. I loved KUDOS, and the other books in the trilogy, OUTLINE and TRANSIT. As I settled in on reading this book, I found the familiar style that Cusk has; this very easy, yet highly intelligent way of writing. She doesn’t speak down to the reader, but it feels that I am being included in the conversations. This time around the author/protagonist is at a writers conference, talking to other writers and people. Again, the persons who occupy this world have no issue, and are very adept at opening up and sharing events, observations and experiences with her. At one point, another writer does point out how odd it is that all the characters in the author/protagonist’s novels have no problem confessing all their sins without much prompting – a sly mete joke Cusk put in her own novel.

    It’s true, people do not speak the way Cusk’s characters do. But, Tennessee Williams’ characters speak in a way that can only exist in the worlds that Williams creates, and as such, I believe that Cusk is casting that same spell. It’s not reality, but it is a world I would like to live in. To speak to a person on a plane about the family dog of theirs that just died, or the tour guide who loves to walk the city, or the other women writers that still have to deal with ex-husbands that intend to do them harm, both physically and emotionally. It’s an unburdening that has no expectations to it. The reader isn’t asked to act, or pass judgment, but just hear and witness that these lives exist. It’s an environment that becomes very comfortable, and enjoyable.

    And in the end, without a climax or even rising action, the book concludes, leaving the feeling of conclusion. That to me is the trick, and an impressive one at that. I have been given a journey, but I am not sure where I have gone, or what, if anything was accomplished. But I know I went some place, I learned, and that must be what is accomplished. And as I ponder on that, maybe it isn’t a gimmick to call these books a new form of novel. There is a different way to tell a story after all.

  • Personal Review: Ted Lasso Season 3 and The Whole Thing

    (SPOILERS! You shouldn’t have to ask…)

    I finished it. Over the weekend, I finally got around to watching the final episode of the 3rd season of Ted Lasso. I had a complicated relationship with the 3rd season. I was watching in three-episode chunks over a two-week period, and then I would get off the wagon for a week or two, only then return. In fact, I waited two and a half weeks before I was able to see the last episode. And that, in a nutshell, gives you an idea of my dedication to this final season; It was on and off.

    Sadly, the third season of Ted Lasso was uneven, made all the worse by my deep desire for the final twelve episodes to be amazing. That was my fault, and my mistake. I didn’t let the show just be what it is, but went in with expectations that were pretty hard to live up to. That affected my experience, and when an episode wasn’t “perfect”, it made me hesitate to come back to the show. Perhaps I need to watch the third season again – just marathon through it, and not think too hard. Maybe.

    As of now, I have to say that the third season of Ted Lasso was the “Return of the Jedi” of the group. It wasn’t as good as “Star Wars” (Season One) or “Empire” (Season Two) but if you compare it to other shows, it was a pretty good season.

    There were things that I did like; the episode in Amsterdam was great, Colin’s story was a nice addition, Trent being added full time to the cast was another nice touch, and I will say that each of the endings that the characters were given felt satisfying and true to who they were, and who they became. The show was about being positive, and it ended that way.

    But, there were also some glaring issues – Keeley was totally wasted which was a real shame as she was such an important part of the show. She was left floundering with a storyline that never meshed with the rest of the show. Also, Nate’s redemption arch seemed rushed. We all knew he was coming back into the fold, but it just felt a little off. And then there was that Zava thing, which felt half baked, and was only there to get the team to a competitive place for the season end. For a show that was about slow burn realizations, trusting the process, and putting in the work, it didn’t feel like the team earned their place in the League – it was just handed to them.

    With the series now over, and it is over, I have to say that they, the whole Ted Lasso team, did a very good job. It was a show in the mold of a work place comedy which never lost sight of a very simple message – be kind. It arrived at a perfect time – in the middle of Covid and they final year of Trump’s administration. Because of those factors, I think we collectively wanted to believe that being around good people was worth it. It was the type of show that was needed at a specific moment, and it delivered. This is a show that I know I will re-watch, whenever I need to laugh, or just remember that people can change for the better.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Field Day, The Ritz Brothers, and Father’s Day

    (I’m still on the line…)

    My daughter had her Field Day at school yesterday, and I was glad to see that the level of excitement that this event inspired in me when I was her age, was represented in my kid’s enthusiasm as well. The other thing that our Field Days had in common was that the ultimate event of the afternoon was the intra-class Tug-of-War. I dare say that this is the last non-PC competition left in today’s modern and self esteem conscious Field Day. Don’t get me wrong – Field Day when I was growing up was a dog-eat-dog, Lord of the Flies, nerd humiliating event that could leave deep emotional scars if you embarrassed yourself on the yard. Today, it’s more geared to fun and inclusion for everyone, with classes competing against each other, rather than individual students. But man! That Tug-of-War is still a brutal event, with the loser class being dragged across the grass, then taunted by the cheers of the winners. Yeah, and my kid’s class won the Tug-of-War, so there’s that.

    Anyone remember The Ritz Brothers? I was watching an old, like 2nd Season episode of MST3k, and Crow made a joke referencing them, and like a lightening bolt, I remembered who they are. The fast answer is that they were a comedy team of brothers who worked from the 1920’s up to the 1970’s. They were more of a nightclub act, but they did make some movies and film shorts, along with a few TV appearances. It would be easy to compare them to The Marx Brothers, but that’s not really fair once you see their form of comedy. Sadly, I think they are slowly fading away from the American Comedy lexicon which is unfortunate. Anyway, check them out.

    And a Happy Father’s Day out there to all the dads, and to my friends who are dads, and especially to my Dad. May we all enjoy our day celebrating our Father-stature, but we all know that you never get a day off when being a dad. But, I’m cool with it.