Tag: Writing

  • Distracted Today

    I set a schedule for myself and I try to stick to it. Wednesday is the one day of the week that is all my own. I don’t have any chores to take care of, no obligations to the family other than dropping off and picking the kid up from school. Wednesday is the day that I read short stories, write a review of one, and then work on my other writing.

    But not today.

    Everything has felt a little off.

    It started like normal. Got the family up, kid off to school, and went to the gym. Got home, settled in on the couch with a coffee, and started making the rounds of reading short fiction online, and in magazines. And I read for two hours, about 8 different stories, but my mind kept pulling me out of what I was doing. I was having trouble focusing, you know, just an overall difficulty at completing the simple task of reading, and thinking about what I had just read.

    It was a malaise that was coming over and around me. I was doing something for myself, that I enjoy doing, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should be doing something else. Something practical. Reading this morning started to feel like I was hiding out, avoiding, procrastinating away from what I should really be doing with my time.

    My mind wanted me to think about money and finances.

    We have a plan, which we have stuck to, but we hit a rough patch yesterday. Surprise medical bills, which delays our ability to pay down the debt. There is a chance that things could improve, but for the improvement to happen, I need to get a job.

    And that’s what is gnawing at me today; should I really be sitting around on the couch reading? Should I write a blog, when I should be updating my resume, searching Indeed?

    Clearly, I opted for the blog. I mean, I’m going to look for a job after lunch, and then get back to reading.

  • Ready to Work Again

    My little family has been pretty lucky through the Pandemic, up to present. My wife has a very good job that covers things, and the kid is in a good school not too far from our place. I stepped into the role of stay-at-home-dad because the wife had the job, and I didn’t, and for our family, after some adjustment, it has worked out well. The wife gets to focus on her career, and I take care of the family, especially the kid, which also allows me a little extra time to focus the blog and writing.

    The one sticky wicket in this situation is that the wife’s job is allowing us to get by, and not ahead. A few months ago, we had the hard conversation that there needs to be a second income for us if we want to do, well, grown-up things; pay down debt, save for the kid’s college, retire, maybe even buy a house. (Though the writing is going well for me as I have yet to earn a dime, let alone get published anywhere. Besides that, it’s going great!) We both agreed I need to find some sort of work, part or full time, so we can get back on track. That’s what is best for the family.

    Now, I haven’t had a normal, regular job since January 2020. Three years out of the labor market is a long time, and I won’t lie either, I have been having some anxiety about getting back to work. My last two jobs weren’t the most fulfilling experiences, which is making me shy to get out there as I don’t want to repeat those situations. I try to remind myself that I have learned from those jobs, and know not to make the same mistakes, but there is still a “twice shy” affect that happens when I look at the want ads. But I had made a promise to my wife that I would start looking in January.

    So, with all of these thoughts and emotions flying around me, coupled with the fact that when I went job hunting, it would turn my stomach, I started to drag my feet on this promise. Finally, the other night, I had to admit to the wife that I’m nervous about working again. Then I called it for what it was, I’m scared about going back to work.

    And we talked about it. About what I was feeling, and where it was coming from, and what I could do about it. She reminded me that I can take my time on this job hunt, and look for something that is the right fit; that I don’t have to take the first job offer that comes my way. And most importantly, if I find myself in a toxic work environment, just quit. No more trying to tough it out – just leave.

    With that, I am back to looking for a job. I mean, I still have my issues, that I need to work out on my end, but yesterday, when I checked the job sites, I didn’t feel like throwing up. I wasn’t jumping for joy or anything, but I was looking at positions, and thinking, “I would be okay doing that.”

  • Trouble Getting in Gear

    The third of January was the day I was going to get my life started on the right foot. Also, I thought God needed more laughter in his day. Either way, I had spent part of my Christmas vacation thinking about my daily schedule, what I wanted to get accomplished, and being healthy and shit. You know, like most people do at the end of the year. I talked to the wife about it, as some of this would affect her as well, and I have come up with a system that will work.

    First of all, I needed to set out my goals, again, no real surprise there. I want to write more, eat better, sleep better, more active role in the kid’s education, and… yeah, I think that’s it. Really, it’s like rolling goals.

    Anyway, I set out a schedule, and if you know me, again, no surprises here. I made time for chores, and the gym, and writing. Working with the kid, making dinner, and you get the point. I over scheduled myself, and I’m okay with that. As of this moment, I haven’t worked on any fiction though that will be remedied today, and I haven’t been to the gym, but that’s a Friday thing. So, all is going to plan.

    With the exception of this blog. Other than the little New Year’s post, I haven’t created anything for this platform. I have some stories I could review, and God knows I have enough silly opinions I can’t wait to share, but I found myself lacking the motivation to post. I am posting today, so it’s not like I am in a debilitating situation. Just… not feeling it.

    I might be maligned due to the ending of a vacation, or could ramming your head into a wall constantly for two years have an adverse effect on determination? Maybe more changes are needed?

    Maybe I just need to get to work.

  • This Week: Best of 2022 (Final Countdown Edition)

    This week, the days between Christmas and New Year’s, is one of my favorite periods of the year to relax and reflect. My little family will be all together, playing with our new toys, watching movies, and reading books. This week feels like the reward for surviving the insanity that is Halloween to Christmas. And as such, I won’t post any blogs until the start of January, 2023.

    For this week, I will be posting the top five blogs that have received the highest view counts. A “Best of 2022 (Final Countdown Edition)” so to speak. The fifth most viewed post will be today, Monday, and I’ll work our way up to the most seen post on Friday.

    I would also like to take a moment and say thank you, to all of you, who have stopped by and read my blog over the past year. I’m not delusional here, I know this is a little blog, that garners little traffic, which makes me very appreciative to those of you who do stop by. Again, thanks for helping make this fun.

    And (you know it’s coming) if you like what you have read, don’t be stranger, go ahead and like, comment, and share. Thank you for your support.

  • Closing Out 2022

    This will be my last real time blog post for 2022. I have some posts in the can that I have scheduled for the next couple of days, but for all intents and purposes, I am done blogging for the year. Christmas is right around the corner and I am intending to spend time with my family, reading, and napping as much as my kid will allow.

    Looking back on this blog, I will clock 255 posts, with a word count well north of 101,200, which means I was writing on average close to 500 words a post. I find this stat rather amusing as when I started writing here, way back in 2017, my original goal was to only write 250 words per blog. In five years, I have doubled my word count. Quality might still be questionable, but quantity has increased.

    Looking back at this year of creative writing, I have to admit that I did not get published, nor did I earn any money from my creative endeavors, which had been two of my goals. Was I overly ambitious? Well, obviously. But what’s the point in playing the game if you don’t swing for the fences? Yet, I did write more in this year than I ever have. Not only with the blogs, but I kept up my pace of journaling daily, and working on my fiction. I think what I accomplished this year was creating the habit of writing. I gave myself weekends off, but I was at this computer every weekday, putting something down, trying to get better at expressing myself and ideas.

    Maybe I’m looking for a silver lining, and so what if I am. I’m looking back on 2022, and I’m feeling good about it, which is a feeling I haven’t felt in sometime. Since 2018, when my mother died, I feel like I have had this feeling of sadness wrapped around me. Not depression or mourning, even though those two have stopped by and hung out with me often in the past several years, but a sadness that makes it difficult to get excited about anything. I don’t feel sad about 2022.

    And I’m looking forward to 2023. And that is important, and it means something.

    So, thanks for being a part of this, all 4 to 9 of you, who regularly stop by. But, before I go, I wanted to pass on;

    Watch ANDOR!

    Peach Pit is a new favorite band of mine.

    Call your mom, she misses you.

    See you next year.