Tag: Writing

  • Ready to Work Again

    My little family has been pretty lucky through the Pandemic, up to present. My wife has a very good job that covers things, and the kid is in a good school not too far from our place. I stepped into the role of stay-at-home-dad because the wife had the job, and I didn’t, and for our family, after some adjustment, it has worked out well. The wife gets to focus on her career, and I take care of the family, especially the kid, which also allows me a little extra time to focus the blog and writing.

    The one sticky wicket in this situation is that the wife’s job is allowing us to get by, and not ahead. A few months ago, we had the hard conversation that there needs to be a second income for us if we want to do, well, grown-up things; pay down debt, save for the kid’s college, retire, maybe even buy a house. (Though the writing is going well for me as I have yet to earn a dime, let alone get published anywhere. Besides that, it’s going great!) We both agreed I need to find some sort of work, part or full time, so we can get back on track. That’s what is best for the family.

    Now, I haven’t had a normal, regular job since January 2020. Three years out of the labor market is a long time, and I won’t lie either, I have been having some anxiety about getting back to work. My last two jobs weren’t the most fulfilling experiences, which is making me shy to get out there as I don’t want to repeat those situations. I try to remind myself that I have learned from those jobs, and know not to make the same mistakes, but there is still a “twice shy” affect that happens when I look at the want ads. But I had made a promise to my wife that I would start looking in January.

    So, with all of these thoughts and emotions flying around me, coupled with the fact that when I went job hunting, it would turn my stomach, I started to drag my feet on this promise. Finally, the other night, I had to admit to the wife that I’m nervous about working again. Then I called it for what it was, I’m scared about going back to work.

    And we talked about it. About what I was feeling, and where it was coming from, and what I could do about it. She reminded me that I can take my time on this job hunt, and look for something that is the right fit; that I don’t have to take the first job offer that comes my way. And most importantly, if I find myself in a toxic work environment, just quit. No more trying to tough it out – just leave.

    With that, I am back to looking for a job. I mean, I still have my issues, that I need to work out on my end, but yesterday, when I checked the job sites, I didn’t feel like throwing up. I wasn’t jumping for joy or anything, but I was looking at positions, and thinking, “I would be okay doing that.”

  • Trouble Getting in Gear

    The third of January was the day I was going to get my life started on the right foot. Also, I thought God needed more laughter in his day. Either way, I had spent part of my Christmas vacation thinking about my daily schedule, what I wanted to get accomplished, and being healthy and shit. You know, like most people do at the end of the year. I talked to the wife about it, as some of this would affect her as well, and I have come up with a system that will work.

    First of all, I needed to set out my goals, again, no real surprise there. I want to write more, eat better, sleep better, more active role in the kid’s education, and… yeah, I think that’s it. Really, it’s like rolling goals.

    Anyway, I set out a schedule, and if you know me, again, no surprises here. I made time for chores, and the gym, and writing. Working with the kid, making dinner, and you get the point. I over scheduled myself, and I’m okay with that. As of this moment, I haven’t worked on any fiction though that will be remedied today, and I haven’t been to the gym, but that’s a Friday thing. So, all is going to plan.

    With the exception of this blog. Other than the little New Year’s post, I haven’t created anything for this platform. I have some stories I could review, and God knows I have enough silly opinions I can’t wait to share, but I found myself lacking the motivation to post. I am posting today, so it’s not like I am in a debilitating situation. Just… not feeling it.

    I might be maligned due to the ending of a vacation, or could ramming your head into a wall constantly for two years have an adverse effect on determination? Maybe more changes are needed?

    Maybe I just need to get to work.

  • This Week: Best of 2022 (Final Countdown Edition)

    This week, the days between Christmas and New Year’s, is one of my favorite periods of the year to relax and reflect. My little family will be all together, playing with our new toys, watching movies, and reading books. This week feels like the reward for surviving the insanity that is Halloween to Christmas. And as such, I won’t post any blogs until the start of January, 2023.

    For this week, I will be posting the top five blogs that have received the highest view counts. A “Best of 2022 (Final Countdown Edition)” so to speak. The fifth most viewed post will be today, Monday, and I’ll work our way up to the most seen post on Friday.

    I would also like to take a moment and say thank you, to all of you, who have stopped by and read my blog over the past year. I’m not delusional here, I know this is a little blog, that garners little traffic, which makes me very appreciative to those of you who do stop by. Again, thanks for helping make this fun.

    And (you know it’s coming) if you like what you have read, don’t be stranger, go ahead and like, comment, and share. Thank you for your support.

  • Closing Out 2022

    This will be my last real time blog post for 2022. I have some posts in the can that I have scheduled for the next couple of days, but for all intents and purposes, I am done blogging for the year. Christmas is right around the corner and I am intending to spend time with my family, reading, and napping as much as my kid will allow.

    Looking back on this blog, I will clock 255 posts, with a word count well north of 101,200, which means I was writing on average close to 500 words a post. I find this stat rather amusing as when I started writing here, way back in 2017, my original goal was to only write 250 words per blog. In five years, I have doubled my word count. Quality might still be questionable, but quantity has increased.

    Looking back at this year of creative writing, I have to admit that I did not get published, nor did I earn any money from my creative endeavors, which had been two of my goals. Was I overly ambitious? Well, obviously. But what’s the point in playing the game if you don’t swing for the fences? Yet, I did write more in this year than I ever have. Not only with the blogs, but I kept up my pace of journaling daily, and working on my fiction. I think what I accomplished this year was creating the habit of writing. I gave myself weekends off, but I was at this computer every weekday, putting something down, trying to get better at expressing myself and ideas.

    Maybe I’m looking for a silver lining, and so what if I am. I’m looking back on 2022, and I’m feeling good about it, which is a feeling I haven’t felt in sometime. Since 2018, when my mother died, I feel like I have had this feeling of sadness wrapped around me. Not depression or mourning, even though those two have stopped by and hung out with me often in the past several years, but a sadness that makes it difficult to get excited about anything. I don’t feel sad about 2022.

    And I’m looking forward to 2023. And that is important, and it means something.

    So, thanks for being a part of this, all 4 to 9 of you, who regularly stop by. But, before I go, I wanted to pass on;

    Watch ANDOR!

    Peach Pit is a new favorite band of mine.

    Call your mom, she misses you.

    See you next year.

  • Thoughts While Alt Side Parking: Rejection

    First of all, it’s cold out. Second, the car that is parked in front of me is like six inches from my bumper, which does hack me off. And third, the traffic cop is here to write tickets, he’s checking cars, but he’s not writing tickets. All of this is very strange to me.

    Seriously, the cop just made a second pass, and he’s still not writing tickets. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not rooting for the guy to write tickets, but if your job is to write tickets, then why aren’t you doing your job? And, we’re all watching him not do his job.

    Anyway, I go that off my chest.

    I got rejected from my fifteenth magazine yesterday. I have one more submission that is floating out there, but being that this piece has been rejected seven other times, odds don’t seem to be good. BUT, I do have three other magazines lined up that I am planning on submitting to, which I will hopefully send off this weekend. I had wanted to get something published this year. Anything, anywhere would have been fine, but you know, things don’t always work out.

    With the situation I am in, the lack of publication, I have been trying to do a round of honest circumspection of my efforts, and see where I need to improve and make changes.

    First of all, I need more material. The last five months of the year I have not been as productive as the first six months. That includes not only creating new work, but also rewriting and editing. Though I am confident in what I have written, I do think the beginning of my stories could use a little more work – refining to better get the story started. I also subscribe to the John Lennon theory of writing – “You got to write a lot of bad songs first before you start writing good songs.” I may still be in my bad song phase.

    Second, I don’ think I submitted to enough publications. Well, I don’t think that, I know that. Just twenty-ish submissions in a year is too low. I should have put more of a priority on researching publications, and prioritizing who I felt would work best with what I write. (This process does feel a bit like throwing shit on a wall, and seeing what sticks.) Funny thing is that this part of the process reminds me the most of my acting days back in Dallas. I really love rehearsing, and performing, but I hate auditioning. So, submitting is paralleling auditioning in my mind, as these are the least fun parts of both processes. Yet, I went on a ton of auditions in Dallas, and I got rejected more than cast, but I did get cast a lot, because I went on so many auditions. I just have to remind myself of that; you got to show up if you want to be seen.

    Third, I just need to relax. Maybe something will come from all of this work. Maybe nothing will happen. But all of this does give me the felling of purpose, which I haven’t had in a while. I don’t wake up angry or dreading the day. Maybe I am delusional. Maybe I’m lying to myself to think that some unemployed forty-five-year-old guy can just up a start a new career in a creative field that is notorious for being highly unfair, and for those who do “make it” is laughably under compensated. But this delusion has made not as angry at the world. It’s helped me process the passing of my mother, and deal with all of the Covid anxiety. That’s worth something.

    Anyway, I have room to grow, and I also need to do better. Like all things in life, if you want it, it takes hard work. I just need to relax and work harder.

    That was a decent pep talk.

    And just so you know, that cop came by again, and still didn’t write any tickets.

    (So, umm… You know, if you are enjoying this narcissistic delve into my id this morning, then please, by all means, give this blog a like, or share, or comment on your struggles. And I’m open to follows as well.)