Tag: #Writer

  • Solving the Small Problem First

    It is cold today. Not just the normal cold, but actually 20 degrees. I know things get cold here, but it has been awhile since it has been this cold. I decided that it was too cold for the grocery shopping which I had planned down at the 93rd Trader Joe’s. It’s a just a “stay in” kind of day.

    And as such, I have a free day – sort of – at least, one I wasn’t planning on. I am doing what I normally do, which is starting off with the blog. Next, I will put in some journal time. The last thing for the day will be working on a story.

    This has been my pattern of writing since September when the kid went back to school. I have to say that the results have been mixed. Not bad, but I was expecting that I would have completed more work, and would be in a better position for submitting work. (In four days, One Story Magazine starts taking submissions again, and I plan on sending them something.) I still feel that I need more material in the bank, but I think that is a cop out on my part. Like, I’m already looking for reasons why things haven’t been going my way, thus not my fault.

    I keep saying things haven’t been going my way, because I still take myself out of the game. I’m continuing to have the 2am self-doubt moments. Last night’s was pretty bad, as I started telling myself that I just don’t have the passion to do this. That all my friends who are doing well in their careers are passionate about what they do, and are willing to work hard, and that is way they are successful. While me… I’m too lazy and insecure to even get started, and if I did get started, it would suck, and I would fail.

    It took me a bit to calm myself down. Just to breath, and remind myself that I’m okay. Everything is okay. Everything will be okay. I don’t know how, but it will be. Gotta have faith.

    One of the things I reminded myself of was what I learned in therapy long ago; You can only solve one problem at a time. Instead of trying to solve the biggest one, maybe I should try a small one – a problem that I can have control over. THEN, I should try to solve a problem that’s a little bigger. And so on, and so on until maybe that big problem is a little more manageable.

    One problem at a time.

  • Taking and Keeping Notes

    I had this great idea for a story this morning. I was in the kitchen, making the kid’s lunch for school, and it just hit me like lightening. I remember thinking that it was a great idea that I should work on today, but I should finish making the kid’s lunch, and then I’ll jot down some notes. By the time I finished making the lunch, the idea left my body… and I cannot for the life of me remember what it was.

    Nothing

    I tried retracing my steps, doing what I was doing when the idea hit me, but nothing has worked. The idea is lost to the universe…

    Now as I sit here blogging, I wonder, is this just the normal forgetfulness of life, or am I getting older?

    Most likely, a little of both.

    More importantly, I have never had a good system for taking notes. Even in school, like in junior high, I was taught a note taking system, which it’s really just bullet points. I still use to this day, and it sucks. It’s not real coherent, or logical, but I keep using it – never improving on it. The other weekend, we were cleaning out the office, and I found a couple of legal pads that had meeting notes from the second to last job I had, and my notes aren’t really helpful, as I can’t really understand what I was taking the notes for. That could also be a sign that the job wasn’t very good.

    Some people are great at taking notes, and cataloging things. I was rather impressed with several friends for listing all the books and movies they watched in the past year. Not only did they have an impressive count, but I thought it was equally impressive that they had the wherewithal to just follow through on collecting that information. That is, if they were telling the truth. People do lie on the internet.

    As this is a new year, and I seem to lack the ability to remember things, I will need to step up my note game, or outlining, or just keeping track of shit. I am getting older.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Storage Unit, More Covid, and Do What You Love

    ODDS and ENDS is my continuing series of random thoughts and follow ups…    

    I am currently in an online chat with a person who works for U-Haul. It turns out that we need a larger storage unit. I feel a little defeated in having to do this. In a sense, I have a second apartment in New York City. An apartment for things I only want to see once a year, or never seen again, but don’t want to throw away. I could say there is a logical reason for this development in our lives, but it feels like our stuff is dictating how we live. So, another project for the weekend! And we get the Christmas stuff out of the apartment as well!

    We got another notice that there was a Covid exposure in the kid’s classroom. Which means that we will have another round of at home testing to see if she has been infected. Ironically, the kid got her second Covid vax yesterday. I know that she still needs about two weeks for the vax to fully get in her system for her to be TOTALLY COMPLELETY 100% AMZAINGLY VACCINATED! Yet, I feel like it is still a matter of time before the schools close and we are back to remoting. This is Omicron’s fault, and not the failing of some person or institution, and I am aware that I am in the minority of people who believe that. Soon, just like with the Delta variant, things will peak, and then a decline will start, so it is a wave we are riding. We all just have to hang in there for a while longer.

    Do what you love, and follow your bliss. Oh, Joseph Campbell, you inspiring mythology professor, you! I have been wrestling with his thought for, well, the past two years actually. As things fell apart, I started to question what I loved and what was my bliss. I wasn’t thinking about who I loved, and who made me happy, as I saw the question pertaining to a “what” – a thing, a desire, a concept even – not a person or persons. And as I thought about my “what” made me happy, my “what” never felt consequential, as I thought, that’s what it should be. Love and bliss should be a burning passion that I can’t live without, right? It should be epic. If it’s not top of the pops, and the best of the best, then can it be worth following? I’m not sure anymore. What brings me joy is not epic, but it is fulfilling. It gives me confidence and purpose, but it isn’t a burning passion. Is this state due to wisdom, or compliancy? But age is a factor.  

  • Ideas for 2022

    I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions. Mainly because, they always fail.

    I, on the other hand, try out new ideas to see if they stick.

    As you can see, two totally different things.

    This first thing I will try out is not drinking. Not total sobriety, but taking a break. It comes down to two things; health and finances. On the health front; I am twenty pounds overweight. I have the middle age man belly, which isn’t really surprising, as I am middle aged. The alcohol isn’t helping with the gut, and I think it’s adding to my depression as well. I don’t feel as positive of a person as I used to be. I don’t think I have a problem with drinking, but I feel like if I don’t start making steps to take my health seriously, that I could have a problem. The other thing is financial. Not that the wife and I are spending a huge amount of money on alcohol, but looking at our year-end review, we spent, on average, $100 a month. I think we can say that we know of a better ways to use that money.

    The next thing is that I will, oh god, start going to a gym for 30 minutes at a time. You might have heard that I am about twenty pounds overweight. Though I would like to say that it was all alcohol and sugary drink’s fault, it’s also inactivity’s fault. Yes, we were hiking most weekends this summer and fall, but one day every two weeks just isn’t enough. (We will pick up hiking again in the Spring.) It’s also the mental health benefits that comes with exercise that I am missing. In the past year, I have been harder on myself than usual. I know everyone has that nagging self-sabotage voice in their head, but most people work through it. For me, this past year, it has been harder and tougher for me to forgive myself, or even have the energy to follow through on a project. That’s not who I am. I was the guy who followed through and got shit done.

    And the last thing is that I have to admit that I didn’t meet my writing goals for the last four month, and in essence, for the year. I did okay, but I didn’t make the goal. I wanted to have three short stories completed by the end of the year. I got two finished, and I think they are in good enough shape to submit, but I wanted to have three. Now, I know full well there is nothing stopping me from submitting the two, but, you know, I didn’t complete what I set out to do. I have maintained the blog, though my viewers have dropped by half. So, instead of four people viewing daily, I now only have two. (And I think I know who those two people are. Hey, guys.) Maybe I do need to spend the $100 and get away from the free WordPress site, or might just need to come to terms with the fact that a random blog about one guys thoughts isn’t that dynamic anymore. It’s not 1997 when confessional blogs were all the rage. Anyway, the blog still brings me a level of joy and feeling of accomplishment daily, so I think this will keep going. The other writing? I need to get back to the grindstone. I need to put in the work.

    And I need to read more!

  • First Day of Winter

    I couldn’t sleep last night, or I guess, more accurately, this morning. It was about 4:30am when I looked at my phone to see what time it was, and I wanted to try to get back to sleep. I tried. I rolled over to a different position, but it didn’t help. It was too hot in bed, I couldn’t get comfortable, and my beard was very itchy. By 5:30, I had to admit that I was awake and that I wouldn’t get back to sleep. I didn’t want to wake anyone, so I went to the office, and sat down with my journal.

    I could hear classical music coming from my daughter’s room, as she listens to that now, to help her fall asleep. The music plays all night, and there is something very innocent and endearing about it. That the kid is starting her own music education.

    I took out the journal and just started writing about the day; what I need to do, and hopefully, what I can accomplish. I also started writing about the next project that I want to work on, and how to use short stories, and story sketches together to tell a complete narrative of family dealing with mental issues.

    And I continue to write about writing. Writing about something that I would like to write about. How will I write about it? What style will I use? Will I try to craft 10 stories that each have an individual style to them? Is that possible?

    Then it dawns on me as the dawn is dawning; that this is the first day of Winter, and the shortest day with the longest night. It begins again, the growing of the day, the receding of the darkness. All things must pass, and the daylight is good at arriving at the right time, right?

    Sometimes things happen at the right time for the right reason.