Tag: working

  • Positive Thinking

    I just have been thrown off with not finding a job right away out here. I was told the California market was a good place, but I have been here a month, and still no job interview. I sort of thought, clearly incorrectly, that having experience in New York would at least allow me to get my foot in the door.

    Not so much.

    In my other career, I had hired a good number of people over the past seven years. I thought that this would have given me the ability to know how to work and handle presenting myself in the best possible way to employers. That logic hasn’t paid out, and I am a little confused.

    Part of my confusion also comes from the fact that the longer I look for work, the more I start to think that there is something wrong with me, and that I just might never get a job again!!! It’s a downward spiral, and the more I sit around looking for a job, the more I start to think that my situation is hopeless.

    And that is the real trick is life; staying positive in difficult situations. (Again, a skill I thought I had, but maybe not so much.) Maybe I was positive in an abstract sense, only about things that touched the periphery of my life. When things get bad, I say the positive thing, but harbor the negative thought in the back of my mind.

    But, as I have left my old life, and I am starting a new one, then I have the opportunity to lead a positive thinking life. (See how I did that?) And then that makes me think that positive thinking is actually faith and hope that things will be better.

    Rabbit hole here…

    I just need a job…

  • Job Hunting

    I have now been in California for two and a half weeks now, and the job-hunting fear has set in. I have been sending out resumes and applications, and I haven’t got one interview yet. The first week was no big deal, the second week was a little annoying. Now, that we are on week three, and it is a short week with Thanksgiving, which means my search will continue into a fourth week. The fear is setting in. It is possible now that I will go a month with nothing.

    That’s a problem.

    As we planned this move to California, me finding a job wasn’t that big of a concern. I had worked my way up in arts management, and from that, I thought I had many marketable skills.

    I am beginning to have second thoughts about that.

    Also, it has been almost 15 years since I was last out of a job, and the instability and insecurity that this situation creates has caused more than a few self-doubts. There are a few anxiety triggers that are firing up now which also makes me spiral/fall into thinking that everything will blow up in my face. That I won’t be able to provide…

    And then I have to remind myself that I need to relax.

    Take a breath.

    I’m not at the panic point yet, though I can see it on the horizon.

  • Working

    I have never moved beyond that feeling of dread of going to school when it comes to going to work as an adult. I can honestly say that I have been working at my career for the past ten years, and I still have that feeling of dread. That sinking feeling on Sunday night also has never gone away. I’m pretty sure I am not alone on this. Speaking to my mother after she retired, and she also described that feeling of not going to work, even though she worked in the field she loved as a nurse.

    I think it has to do with the transactional status of employment; the work equaling money, that sucks out the desire to be there. I enjoy what I do now, but I have a boss, who is a good boss, and work for an organization, which at the end of the day has my fate in their hands. I show up, do my job, enjoy my coworkers, no real complaints… But I would rather sleep in.

    This also makes me wonder that if I was able to finance my life style through all my creative endeavors, would I begin to feel that dread about having to get up and do it? I do believe that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.