Tag: working

  • Love What You Do

    I had a conversation about work and working yesterday with a friend of mine who used to be my boss a couple of years ago. It was a video chat, as my friend lives on one side of the country and I’m on the other. Part of the conversation was to catch up, the other was a semi-interview as my friend was doing a little research on the jobs and careers that people choose.

    As we talked, I admitted that I have never had a job that made me excited to get up in the morning. I never rolled out of bed ready to greet the day and tackle work. I have had jobs that I enjoyed, but to be honest, what I have really enjoyed about working is the people I have worked with. I have made some really great friends, and I sure have laughed hard with a great many people. That is what I think of when I share the good memories of being employed.

    I can never get past the thought that my time is being purchased by someone, or an organization, for the purpose of making them more money. Sometimes it is a very equitable exchange, well balanced, thus not causing any friction. Other times, I have felt like I am being taken advantage of, and I don’t want to be there.

    My friend did ask me, what do I think would be the one job that would make me excited to get up in the morning, and I answered, none; I don’t think it exists.

    I do believe there are some people out there that do in fact, find that perfect job or career, and they are sure excited to go to work every day. My mom was a nurse, she always wanted to be a nurse, and she loved being a nurse. I know teachers that are like that, and small business owners – that is totally true, they love what they do.

    But the rest of us?

    What gets us excited in the morning are our kids, or our spouse, or our garden, or sports team, or travelling, or creating art, or whatever. I believe that there is a large group of us who feel and believe that working does not and will not make us happy. Working is a necessary evil to get us to the things that make us happy. Be honest, this isn’t a revolutionary thought. We all know this to be true. Most of us don’t like working no matter what job we have.

    When I finished my conversation with my friend, I started thinking, where did this idea come from that we should be joyous and contented with our employment? That if you are not loving what you are doing, then you somehow have messed up in life. That one’s being has to be related to their labor.

    I think it might be rooted in the question we were asked as kids; What do you want to be when you grow up?

    (But before you go! I need you to validate my labors, simply by liking this post, commenting on it, or even sharing it. It will help keep the unemployment rate below 4%.)

  • What I Allow to Define Me

    Lately, I started to observe something about myself; When I meet someone new, the question of “What do you do?” comes up, and I say, “I used to be in theatre, and arts administration.”

    Now, I haven’t had an arts admin job in two years, and I haven’t worked in theatre for three and a half years, and though I did use the pass tense, I still use these jobs to define me, to explain who I am. Maybe, subconsciously, I think I’m going back to these fields, but I am no longer sure that I will.

    I am self-conscious of where I find myself now, and I am not sure how to describe it to others. I am a stay at home parent, and I have trouble saying it out loud. Part of it is that I feel like I defaulted into this position, and the other part is that it doesn’t cover the whole picture. I am a stay at home dad because I became unemployed over COVID, and I started taking care of the kid, and her remote schooling because my wife was working remotely and she needed to focus on that. What started as a temporary fix, until I found another job, evolved into where we are today.

    I am happier than I have been in a long time. Sure, I still have stresses and worries about the future, but what I have noticed lately is that I no longer dread getting up in the morning. I don’t hate the day before it begins. I don’t fear going to bed, because what the next day will bring. I see now that I had lived so much of the past ten years like that; angry and frustrated at every place that I worked.

    I do have to take some responsibility here. Yes, the jobs were toxic, but I also made the choice to go to work there, day after day. Maybe I thought I could change the people and places that I worked at. Maybe I thought I couldn’t find a better job. The bottom line is that I actively made the choice, for a long time, not to find a way out.

    The only thing that kept me from imploding was the theatre work that I did over those ten years, and the friends I made from it. And the overwhelming majority of the work was in puppetry. Every time I got a job, I would throw myself into it, just commit and do it. It was rewarding, confirmed the reason I moved to NYC, and also validated my existence, at least on an artistic level.

    And here I am, years removed from both, and still I present these titles to people, as if they are relevant to who I currently am.

  • New Stress

    I have been gone for some time, and the reason is that life has become a little difficult.

    Mainly, my wife lost her job. She was laid off the week we returned home after being evacuated for the wildfires, so that was a particularly awful week. We have been dealing with it.

    It has made us face some of the very harsh realities of living in California. Unfortunately, we aren’t in a position where we can get by unless we are both working. They gave her a little severance, which has made things easier, or at least manageable, to get through the Holidays.

    What this feels like is that we have been under constant stress for a solid month now. First, the thought of losing everything we owned, then being faced with the fact that we don’t have a support system in the place where we live. It made us feel very isolated, and that feeling has been shucked off still. With her job gone, and that was one of the big reasons we moved here, it has created a “come to Jesus” moment for us; why are we here, and is this really what we want to be doing?

    It has been a month where we have been fighting more than normal. Nothing serious, but we have increased the frequency that we pick and nag each other. I even noticed that the kid has also started acting up, when she would never do that before. The stress has affected and infected all of us.

  • Interviewing

    I have been on a handful of interviews this week and last. (Waiting to hear back. No offers yet.) I have written before that I am very anxious about finding work, at least to just help contribute to the family’s finances. I don’t like feeling useless, like I’m not helping out.

    I don’t think I am good at interviewing to begin with. It reminds me so much of auditioning which, out of all the steps in a theatre production, was my least favorite. I remember a professor in college telling me that I need to find a way to love all the steps in the process, to be a well-rounded and to keep my sanity, as it is a tough business.

    On all the interviews I have been on, everyone has been really nice, and no one is pulling any “gotcha” questions to trip me up. I dare even say that they are trying to make me feel as comfortable as possible.

    The issues are all on my end. I need a job and I don’t want to fuck it up.

    Also, talking about myself feels very weird.

    I feel like as a child I was told so many times to be humble, and not conceded, so when I am put in situations where it is expected of me to speak about myself, I find myself clamming up.

    I have been pushing myself to talk more in these situations.

    Trying to think of it as another opportunity to grow and break out of old bad habits.

    Hopefully, it will lead to a job.

  • Work Clothes

    Things have picked up for me on the job front. I’m starting to get interviews now, which is a relief, and hopefully, I will be gainfully employed by the end of the month. (I’m still working on writing professionally, but that nut will take a little time to crack, and I have bills that need to be paid.)

    As I gear up for these interviews, and also to getting back into the workforce, I have been dusting off my work clothes, so I can start looking professional and put together again. (Being unemployed does lends itself to leisurewear rather easily.) I have been working in the arts for the past 10 years, and it is an industry that, I would say, prides itself on casual work clothes, rather than formal. It is the arts after all, and the emphasis is being an individual, while the business world is about uniformity; being predictable.

    I have found that in my roles for arts management jobs, I needed to wear a shirt and tie to feel comfortable. I am not a formal clothing person in my day to day, or creative life (Please refer to the leisurewear statement above,) but what I found out was that it was easier for me to do these art administration jobs if, in a sense, I put on a “costume” to do them. Such as, playing a character. Then, when I got home, I would take the “costume” off and separate myself from that work. Not that it always happened, but I knew when I got out of those clothes, the job was done for the day.