Tag: #work

  • Covid-ness is Everywhere

    The world is getting sicker, but a vaccine is on the way. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, but this tunnel has a long way to go. The infection rate is slowing going up in the City, but the bars/restaurants will remain open, and the schools will be back starting on December 7th. If we can make it through the winter and the spring, then we just might have a summer to look forward to.

    And this is the conversation that is happening in my home. Things are awful, BUT they will get better. We have been saying that for nine months. Yesterday, I ended with how we are getting tired of living in a lockdown. Not that I am going to break it, or stop wearing a mask… I’m just tired.

    The kid just this morning said that she was ok with remote learning if it needs to happen. I know she was giving a mature answer, which was she understood that this was the sacrifice she needs to make to keep other people safe, but it did feel just a little like she had given up.

    My wife’s boss told her that she should plan on working remote for at least the first two quarters of 2021, and most likely the 3rd as well. This news felt like a punch in the gut.

    Even if the kid goes back to class “like normal” in September 2021, I don’t know if there will be any work in the arts.

    Covid has stained so much in our lives, and looks like it will for almost another year.

    Trying to stay upbeat here.

  • Struggling to Get By

    I am tired. I haven’t been sleeping well. Trump’s refusal to concede the election, though I knew it would happen, isn’t helping either. I am also getting burned out of the routine that we are in, and I’m afraid of the possible 2nd/3rd wave of Covid that is coming.

    It really is like 2020 refuses to die.

    I am fortunate that I have my wife, as we are leaning on each other for support. We both find ourselves just getting by. In the sense that we can get the bare minimum out, but really can’t seem to muscle anything additional. Such as our Algot shelf project still hasn’t been completed yet. We are close, but still not there.

    The other thing that has been heavy on my mind is that it looks like September 2021 might be the earliest that we can get back to “normal.” If there is a safe and effective vaccine ready for next year, then we are looking at April or May until we can take it. That’s pretty much at the end of the school year. To me that says the kid won’t be back in a class until September. That means we will have a Summer together, and Fall will be the time, hopefully, that I’ll be able to get out there and find a job.

    And that feels like a million years away.

    Another million years of just barely getting by to hope that we get an opportunity to better our situation. Feels like we better have some good luck on our side.

  • Ghost of Kilgore Trout

    If you know who Kilgore Trout is, then you are someone who has read Vonnegut. If you have read Vonnegut, then you most likely love him, because he’s the type of writer you either love or hate; not many in the middle.

    I always felt that Kilgore was created as a character to reflect how Vonnegut felt about himself as a writer, and the fear most writers have. Thus by creating this embodiment, the fear becomes knowable, and therefore manageable.

    If you don’t remember, the Kilgore Trout character was a great writer who could only get published in the worst magazines published. This lack of publication status causes Trout to doubt his abilities as a writer, and lose his grip on reality.

    I think Vonnegut touches on a very interesting modern anxiety; achieving your dream, but you still don’t get the validation you seek.

    I think about Kilgore Trout often.

  • Cowardly Writer

    A friend of mine, who I haven’t spoken to in over a year was awarded a grant so she could continue on her novel without having to look for a job at the end of the world. She is super talented, completely deserves it, and I’m very happy for her. The thing that piqued my interest was that my friend gave thanks to another author, who had informed her of the grant, when they had first meet at a writing symposium.

    As in all things it’s who you know.

    I know I have to have material in the first place; finish the novel, finish the story collection

    But, I think I know people. But I can’t bring myself to ask for advice or help.

    This is cowardly, but I think I’m afraid of my friends hating my work. I know I’m not in a place to share, but I can’t stay this way forever, as in my work will never see the light of day. I will never grow if I don’t open myself up.

    The journey is getting a little uncomfortable now…

  • Gotta Have Writing Goals

    I am still trying to make the best out of this pretty bad situation. Well, a shitty situation. I have no reservations with moving into the “stay at home parent” role, as that’s what the situation calls for. One day, I might return to work out of the home, but I’m trying not to plan too far ahead with anything. And at the same time, I have to have something to work on and move towards; a goal.

    I am working on two writing projects; this blog, and the novel.

    When it comes to blogs, this is, I think, my third or fourth attempt at one in the past fifteen years. This one, though I haven’t been the most frequent or dedicated blogger, is the only one that has stuck. Keeping everything short to just 250 words has provided a good structure to work within. It is teaching me to be concise and clear in my story telling.

    As for the novel, that does give me something long term to work on. This is the fourth novel that I have written, and by saying that, I have every intention of completing it. Publication is a different story, but for now, just having a goal of starting and finishing something seems to be the most important thing while living in this world of never ending Covid.

    What I find myself thinking about is what my grandmother used to say to me growing up; that you gotta have a goal, something to look forward too. Right now, I can see very clearly that grandma was right. She did grow up during the Depression, so I think she knew what she was talking about.