Tag: #talking

  • Managing Expectations

    I sure have heard this phrase a lot over the past several years. In the arts and business world, and normally, when it is brought up, it is because two parties believe in different outcomes to specific actions. I will go a step further and say that it also is a sign that one party is not sharing their expectations with the other party, so they can be “outraged” at the other party when the results are not satisfactory, and thus stop working with that other party. (Can you tell I have been burned by this situation more than once…)

    It’s a loaded phrase, like “We need to talk.”

    Nothing good follows. Normally.

    And I used the “managing expectations” phrase last night when I was out to dinner with my wife. Now that we have a tiny, smidge of stability on the horizon, what do when envision?

    The answer was two different ideas.

    Now, we were out to dinner, which we haven’t done in over a year, and we had several drinks in us, so we both know each other well enough to not hold the other one to anything that was said.

    It was about the timeline of me returning to work; when, doing what, and how much should I bring in? We aren’t too far off, but it was different. And that’s okay. I think being able to talk about it really is the most important part, and listening to what the other person is saying.

    What we both heard was that we need to make sure the kid is okay. Whatever the details are, it all leads to the same destination; how do we build a home and family, that meets our physical and mental needs, as well as our daughter’s.

  • Talking to Friends

    I had a friend come in town the other day (We’re back to doing that again. Awesome!) and we planned on going out to get a drink and talk. “You’re going to sit and talk?” my kid asked. “Pretty much.” “Why?” “That’s what grownups do.” She shook her head at me, “That’s boring.”

    Now, my wife’s birthday is coming up, and you know what she wants more than anything? To go out with friends and talk. Minus a husband and a kid. Our daughter was again disappointed that this is what her mother wanted to do on a birthday. “All you do is talk,” the kid concluded.

    She’s not aware that she does talk a lot, as she talks to me and her mom all the time. Soon, my kid will start talking and communicating with her friends constantly. I’m trying to value the conversation time I have with her, because it’s a cycle; she’ll form those life long important bonds and enjoy just talking to friends.

  • Trouble Sleeping, Some Anxiety

    I have been having trouble sleeping of late. The other night was pretty bad. It took a while for me to get tired, and then when I did go to bed, I couldn’t stay asleep. It felt like I was waking up every thirty minutes or so. The thought that kept replaying in my head was that I wouldn’t be able to get a job when everything gets better, because I will need to get a job. We can get by on one income, but we can’t get ahead unless I bring in some money.

    I keep thinking that I am not going to get a job because I’m too old. And I kept thinking that I am not going to get a job, because I don’t have any useful skills. And I kept feeling worse and worse about myself. It created a downward spiral of negative thought, that I just couldn’t shake.

    And then I went to a very dark place. It wasn’t so much a specific memory, but more of recalling a deep emotional feeling. I started to relive the emotions of the time period when my mother was dying, and the complete lack of sympathy I received from my co-workers. (To make this quick, the place that I worked wanted me to quit to save money, so two co-workers took it upon themselves to bully and harass me so that I would leave. And yes, I did go to HR and they said there was nothing they could do.) It was difficult to deal with the emotions of losing my mother, while also having to survive eight hours of isolation and intimidation. It was a one-two punch that was miserable, and depressingly lonely. I am very fortunate that I have my wife, family, and friends, as without them, I don’t think I would have survived that period.

    I like to think of myself as a mentally well-adjusted and fit person. That was an awful period of time, but I did come out on the other side with a better relationship with my wife, and father, and family, and friends. And all of that was due to talking about it, and sharing, and making ourselves vulnerable which allowed healing. It’s still a work in progress, as there are bad days, like the other night. But… I know it will get better.

  • Interviewing

    I have been on a handful of interviews this week and last. (Waiting to hear back. No offers yet.) I have written before that I am very anxious about finding work, at least to just help contribute to the family’s finances. I don’t like feeling useless, like I’m not helping out.

    I don’t think I am good at interviewing to begin with. It reminds me so much of auditioning which, out of all the steps in a theatre production, was my least favorite. I remember a professor in college telling me that I need to find a way to love all the steps in the process, to be a well-rounded and to keep my sanity, as it is a tough business.

    On all the interviews I have been on, everyone has been really nice, and no one is pulling any “gotcha” questions to trip me up. I dare even say that they are trying to make me feel as comfortable as possible.

    The issues are all on my end. I need a job and I don’t want to fuck it up.

    Also, talking about myself feels very weird.

    I feel like as a child I was told so many times to be humble, and not conceded, so when I am put in situations where it is expected of me to speak about myself, I find myself clamming up.

    I have been pushing myself to talk more in these situations.

    Trying to think of it as another opportunity to grow and break out of old bad habits.

    Hopefully, it will lead to a job.