Tag: #StayathomeParent

  • Walking in the Snow, Trying to be a Good Dad

    There’s five inches of snow on the ground. Me and the kid could barely contain ourselves as we walked to school. We both wanted to bounce through the snow and step in the places where no one had walked yet so we could make footprints and hear the crunch of the snow under our boots. We were late to school.

    I told the kid we had to hurry up, and she asked me is it her fault that she’s late? And that question made me feel sad and pitiful for her. Had I said something earlier to make her feel guilty? Had I been saying things to her this week that make her feel like she was to blame? I thought I had been doing good job of not transferring the Catholic Guilt I grew up with to her. But the way that she asked me that question, is it her fault, made me think that I hadn’t accomplished my goal.

    I had promised myself that I would raise a confidant and self-assured kid. I didn’t want her growing up like I did; afraid, worrying, low self-esteem, and neurotic. I feel like I have talked myself out of so many things that I wanted because of my lack of confidence. I still have trouble believing in me.

    Last night, I woke up at 3am, and I couldn’t get back to sleep. As I lay in bed, mind racing, that nagging voice in the back of my head kept poking at me – “You don’t have a career, you’re too old to start a new one, you aren’t that creative, you don’t know the right people, you don’t have any real friends, what create is boring and pedestrian.” I’m 45 years old, and sometimes I still feel like that 12-year-old on the first day of junior high; scared that they will all laugh at me and beat me up.

    I don’t want my daughter to think of herself that way. I want her to like who she is, and be confidant in who she is, and not be afraid. I’m doing what all parents do – I want me kid to be better than me. And most days I don’t know how to do that. But I keep trying, because we’re going sledding after school, and that’s going to be a lot of fun.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Storage Unit, More Covid, and Do What You Love

    ODDS and ENDS is my continuing series of random thoughts and follow ups…    

    I am currently in an online chat with a person who works for U-Haul. It turns out that we need a larger storage unit. I feel a little defeated in having to do this. In a sense, I have a second apartment in New York City. An apartment for things I only want to see once a year, or never seen again, but don’t want to throw away. I could say there is a logical reason for this development in our lives, but it feels like our stuff is dictating how we live. So, another project for the weekend! And we get the Christmas stuff out of the apartment as well!

    We got another notice that there was a Covid exposure in the kid’s classroom. Which means that we will have another round of at home testing to see if she has been infected. Ironically, the kid got her second Covid vax yesterday. I know that she still needs about two weeks for the vax to fully get in her system for her to be TOTALLY COMPLELETY 100% AMZAINGLY VACCINATED! Yet, I feel like it is still a matter of time before the schools close and we are back to remoting. This is Omicron’s fault, and not the failing of some person or institution, and I am aware that I am in the minority of people who believe that. Soon, just like with the Delta variant, things will peak, and then a decline will start, so it is a wave we are riding. We all just have to hang in there for a while longer.

    Do what you love, and follow your bliss. Oh, Joseph Campbell, you inspiring mythology professor, you! I have been wrestling with his thought for, well, the past two years actually. As things fell apart, I started to question what I loved and what was my bliss. I wasn’t thinking about who I loved, and who made me happy, as I saw the question pertaining to a “what” – a thing, a desire, a concept even – not a person or persons. And as I thought about my “what” made me happy, my “what” never felt consequential, as I thought, that’s what it should be. Love and bliss should be a burning passion that I can’t live without, right? It should be epic. If it’s not top of the pops, and the best of the best, then can it be worth following? I’m not sure anymore. What brings me joy is not epic, but it is fulfilling. It gives me confidence and purpose, but it isn’t a burning passion. Is this state due to wisdom, or compliancy? But age is a factor.  

  • Covid and School

    Yesterday and today has been a big Covid day in our household. As things seem to be getting worse for people contracting Covid, I am very nervous about the state of school here in NYC.

    See, before the Christmas break, my daughter’s classroom had a possible exposure. The school cancelled the last day of class before the break and suggested that the kid get tested or quarantine for ten days. At the time, it was like a two to four hour wait to get a test, and since we weren’t planning on seeing anyone for the holidays, we opted for quarantining. The kid never developed any signs, so we felt good that we were in the clear.

    School started up on Monday, and my daughter returned. Her class has twenty students, and on that Monday, only ten were present. That number has stayed steady each day this week.  

    At Tuesday’s drop off, the kid’s teacher asked each of us parents if we had a device that could be used for remote learning. That didn’t make me feel good, as that lead me to believe that either the school was planning on shutting down, or they are prepping for the situation where schools will need to shut down.

    Then at pick up on Tuesday, we were told that again, there was a possible exposure in the classroom. This time, we were given two test kits, and instructed to take it immediately. If the results were positive, then stay home. If negative, come back to school, but if the kid starts showing signs of something, then take the second test to see if it is a positive result, thus stay home. But, if the kid shows no signs after the first test, we should take the second test on the 9th, to confirm that there is no infection.

    Ung…

    I have no issue with the testing, and I understand that there is no answer that will make everyone happy. This is just a lot of work and stress on the kids.

    Our silver lining here is that today, the kid goes and gets her second Covid vaccine shot. And then, two weeks after that, we will be a fully vaccinated and boosted family.

    Remember when that was everyone’s goal? Like, at the start of the pandemic, everyone was all on board for the vaccine, and we’d all take it, and we’d all get back to normal? (It’s almost like there was a “good ol’ days” of the pandemic.) Sadly, I think we all know that there isn’t going to be a return to normal.

    But, having my family full vaccinated is a goal that we have accomplished. And I am proud of that.

  • Tooth Fairy: Redux

    So, last night, the kid had a wiggly tooth. And she is at the age where teeth are getting wiggly. She spent about five minutes in the bathroom, and then she announced that this tooth was ready to come out.

    I thought that would be the end of it, just identifying that a tooth was lose and ready to give way. But no, the kid gave it a good yank, and out popped her little tooth. She was very proud as she held it up for us to see, wrapped in bloody toilet paper.

    This all happened about 30 minutes before her bedtime, and my first thought was that we don’t have any cash. I panicked; I can admit it. I started into a story about if the Tooth Fairy doesn’t get enough notice she might not arrive. I got a very strange look from the wife and kid.

    When I got a second alone with the wife, I told her how I didn’t have any cash, so I couldn’t put a dollar under her pillow. But, the wife did in fact, have a dollar in her purse, and all was well.

    We got out the little pillow that we put teeth in for the Fairy, and made sure it was in a good spot so she could find it. And off we drifted to sleep, the kid smiling, as she was going to be visited by the Tooth Fairy and Santa Clause in the same week. What an amazing time to be a child and a magical being.

    And then I totally forgot.

    I failed at my duty as the Tooth Fairy.

    The failure was total and complete as the kid got up in the morning, holding the tooth pillow that still contained her tooth, and she looked at me and ask, “Why? Why didn’t the Tooth Fairy come?”

    “Well,” I scrambled for something to say. I thought I should return to my previous idea of the tooth coming out too late in the evening…

    “Is she made at me?” the kid asked.

    Total failure as a father. And the kid was pretty upset. The wife and I snuggled the kid on the couch. Luckily, my wife once got skipped by the Tooth Fairy when she was a kid, so we had a precedent we could fall back on.

    But man. I really dropped the ball on this one. I have set a reminder on my phone, so I don’t screw it up for a second night.

  • Kid Vaxed

    Today is the day that our kid gets their first dose of the Covid vaccine. We have waited for this day since March of 2020. I know that we are still a long way from no masks, but this will allow us to take a deep breath and relax.

    Once the second does is taken, we can go back to a restaurant as a family, or go to a movie. This will allow the kid to be outside without a mask on. And then there are playdates and maybe even sleepovers again.

    But most importantly, if for some reason one of us does become sick, all the other members of the home are now safe.

    The interesting thing that I have learned recently, is that my daughter will be in the minority when it comes to kids vaxed in her classroom. I knew that there would be parents that wouldn’t want to have their kids vaxed, and I know some that want to wait and see how things are in six months, and then get it. I thought the breakdown to vax v. not-vax would be 50/50, but it’s closer to 2/3 not vaxed. That did surprise me.

    Look, I’m going into this situation by trusting that other parents are making the best decisions for their family, also meaning that I trust that they are being responsible parents. I have seen no evidence that leads me to believe otherwise.

    Here is the interesting thing that I have noticed about this information, or at least when I share that information with friends. My more liberal friends think the parents that aren’t letting their kids get vaxed are MAGA-Trumpers, and my conservative friends think the exact same thing. I am pretty sure, like 99% sure, that the parents who aren’t letting their kids get vaxed do not support, nor did they vote, for Trump. When I try to explain that politics really isn’t playing a part in these family’s decision, my friends, on both sides, really don’t believe me. They think that not get a kid vaxed is a political decision. That there can be no other explanation.

    I don’t know why these parents aren’t vaxing their kids, because they haven’t shared it with me, and I’m not going to ask. I’m going to continue to respect other people’s family’s and the decisions that they make.

    My choice is to vax my kid.