Tag: #Sleeping

  • ODDS and ENDS: Sounds of the City, No Vax Athletes, and Tottenham

    ODDS and ENDS is my continuing series of random thoughts and follow ups…    

    Last night, or I guess early this morning, at about 5am, I heard this faint sound of a bell ringing. Like one of those school bells; metal and red, with the piercing sound that tells you class is over, or this is a fire drill. This bell sound wasn’t close to our apartment, but it present enough to not be ignored. I got back to sleep, but when I woke up to my phone alarm, that ringing was still going. Things could have been worse. I remember when I moved to this neighborhood, and would routinely get woken up by car alarms. Also, I am very glad that car alarms has gone out of fashion.

    Novak Djokovic got his visa revoked again in Australia, for many reasons, but mainly for not getting vaxed. I think everyone should get vaccinated, but if you don’t want to, be upfront about it. Also, you have to come to terms with the fact that your choice has consequences. Like, a whole nation saying you have to be vaccinated to come in. Or, a sports league saying you have to be vaxed if you want to participate in all aspects of the league. I hold to this; if Novak was a stocker at the local CVS, making minimum wage, and he refused to be vaxed, his ass would be fired same day, and no one would give a shit.

    Tottenham has to beat Arsenal this Sunday if they want to salvage their season. Spurs have to start beating top 5 teams, or they will lose Harry Kane this Summer. There, I said it, I have no regrets, and if you look at my track record with Premier League predictions, it, most likely, will be wrong.

  • Nighttime, My Brain Won’t Shut Off

    I went through a brief period where I was sleeping okay, but now I have returned to not sleeping. I get about five hours of sleep a night. I have cut out snacking, screen time, and nightcaps, but it really doesn’t help. What also doesn’t help is that PLUTO TV has an MST3k channel, but late at night they do show “Manhunt in Space” and “The Wild Wild World of Batgirl,” way too often, which, even for MST3k, are pretty unwatchable episodes. Anyway, I have tried melatonin, and that can help me get to sleep for a couple of hours, but then I will make up again.

    I’m having trouble shutting off my mind. I have tried several different tricks, but nothing is really working. I’m good in the day time; I can stay upbeat and focused, get my work done and support the family. But once I start getting ready for bed, all the doubts and regrets, and fears come alive. To be honest, I cannot remember the last time I had a solid good night’s sleep, but I know at one point I did. All of this leads to the feeling of malaise, and the phrase that I keep saying to myself that, “I haven’t been myself in a long time.”

    In my mind, I feel like I have been this way for three years, but just know when I looked at a calendar, I realize that I have been saying this for three year, so in actuality, it’s been six years. Maybe five. I didn’t start not feeling myself over night, but I did feel myself being pulled away from who I am back then.

    I took a job that I was qualified for, but didn’t want to do, and they paid me too much money to do it. I take responsibility for my actions, and in the short run it helped out my family get out of a financial hole, but in the end, I got good at something that I didn’t like doing. (I was warned not to do that in college.) And I haven’t forgiven myself for that. I feel it was that decision that has led me to where I am sitting right now.

    I wish I was one of those people who could let things go, be a goldfish, but I’m not.

    Well… I’m not right now.

    Even as I write this, I feel very edgy, that even tapping a finger on the memories of the past six years will send me down a spiral of negative thoughts, that I won’t be able to pull myself out of.

    Because all of my emotional roads lead back, not to that job, but losing my mother. That happened in the middle of everything, and it’s, just, derailed me.

    Now, I’m not sure what I need do to deal with all of this, but what I think I should do is just keep trying to find a creative way to channel these emotions. And I do, with this, and all the other things I try.

    But, I would really like to sleep at night.

  • Napping

    The kid hates naps. She hasn’t regularly taken one for over a year now. Oh sure, now and then she’ll take one, but it’s pretty rare. Now, if we suggest taking a nap, she treats it like a punishment.

    We all know that in about eight years or so, she’ll get back on board with napping. Then she’ll be like us, and want to take naps but can’t find the time.

    But you know who gets naps on their own terms? My 77 year old father. He naps when he feels like it and it’s glorious. I am jealous, that’s true. I would to be able to accomplish a task like he does, and then reward himself with a nap. Yet another thing to look forward to in retirement,

  • ODDS and ENDS – England v Scotland, REI, and Father’s Day

    I have no one to talk to about this, which makes me think I am the only American watching EURO 2021. I know that’s not true as the matches are on ESPN, but still… No one to talk to about it. Today, England is playing against Scotland which has all kinds of implications for this group. If England wins, they pretty much are guaranteed to move on to the knockout round. While Scotland, at the bottom of the group, has to win to stay alive. Then there is all of that history between the two nations, and I am sure that some idiot out there has all of his BRAVEHEART memes rip roaring to go.

    On Saturday, I will head to REI to see if their 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed Policy is for real when it comes to hiking boots worn once. I am fully aware that I was upsold on some boots over Memorial Day, but they are just a half size too small. I can feel my toes rubbing against the top of the boots. I know it’s not an end of the world problem, but I think if I were to hike longer than an hour, then I would have a real issue. Anyway, to find this out, I had to ware them, so, let’s see what they do. Balls in your court REI!

    Speaking of which, at least REI that is, I’m also going to pick up a day-backpack while I’m at the store tomorrow. Yup I’m buying more gear as a Father’s Day gift to myself. As with my wife’s birthday, in which I played no part in planning, so that she could have exactly what she wanted, I have also been granted this gift. So, I’m getting a daypack, and on Sunday, the whole family is going out for a hike in the woods. If you would have asked me a year ago what I wanted to do on Father’s Day, I would have told you sleep, and sleep late. Now, I want to get up early and sweat in the woods. It’s been a strange year.