There was a boy in my neighborhood that all the kids knew about because he played with dolls. We had to be about seven or eight years old at the time. It was seemed like such a sin, and such an egregious act for a boy to not want to play with boy things. I remember even being confused why someone would want to do that. Like, why would you choose to play with those things, when there are so many great boy toys out there. It never dawned on me that this is what he liked doing. That this boy had to be doing it as some sort of act. It couldn’t be who he really was. When that boy came around, no one said anything to him, or brought it up. It stayed a known secret. At least that’s what I remember.
What I now find odd about this situation is that in kindergarten, I remember everyone wanted to play house and be near the kitchen play set. Well, just about everyone. There were some outlier boys and girls that wanted nothing to do with it. But the majority of us, we all wanted to play in that kitchen. I would have to say that in the early 80’s, boys playing at making dinner wasn’t the most masculine act, but somehow that was deemed acceptable. I am sure it has to do with both boys and girls playing together and acting out what it is like to be an adult.
My daughter wanted a play kitchen very badly for Christmas. She was almost three when we go it for her, and she took to it immediately. There was some hesitation in me when it came to getting it for her, as I didn’t want to cast gender roles on her. Such as, girls don’t have to play in the kitchen. They can play with other things. Does she want a toy work bench? Not really. She wanted a kitchen.
It was the same way with play costumes around the apartment. She wanted to have a Darth Vader costume, lightsaber included. (Nerd Dad Me was very excited by this development.) The next she asked for a Princess Leia costume, which I was also very cool with. Then she wanted a Cinderella dress so she could look pretty and dance with the Prince. So, from Darth Vader to Cinderella?
These are the thoughts that go through my head, but I also know that as she is only three and a half, we are way too early to say that any of this play is determining anything about her personality or what direction she will go in life.
But everything has to mean something, right?
I think I wanted to be a fighter pilot when I was 8, and then I think I wanted to be a writer. Then I wanted to be a performer, and then a musician, and then I think I just wanted to be left alone (That was high school), and then I think I still never really got it figured out that “THIS” is the thing that I want to do. I keep grasping at things, and trying things out. I hope my daughter doesn’t have this problem, but as she is my kid, she will go through the same thing. Just trying to put pieces together and see what is created.
