Tag: #Planning

  • Managing Expectations

    I sure have heard this phrase a lot over the past several years. In the arts and business world, and normally, when it is brought up, it is because two parties believe in different outcomes to specific actions. I will go a step further and say that it also is a sign that one party is not sharing their expectations with the other party, so they can be “outraged” at the other party when the results are not satisfactory, and thus stop working with that other party. (Can you tell I have been burned by this situation more than once…)

    It’s a loaded phrase, like “We need to talk.”

    Nothing good follows. Normally.

    And I used the “managing expectations” phrase last night when I was out to dinner with my wife. Now that we have a tiny, smidge of stability on the horizon, what do when envision?

    The answer was two different ideas.

    Now, we were out to dinner, which we haven’t done in over a year, and we had several drinks in us, so we both know each other well enough to not hold the other one to anything that was said.

    It was about the timeline of me returning to work; when, doing what, and how much should I bring in? We aren’t too far off, but it was different. And that’s okay. I think being able to talk about it really is the most important part, and listening to what the other person is saying.

    What we both heard was that we need to make sure the kid is okay. Whatever the details are, it all leads to the same destination; how do we build a home and family, that meets our physical and mental needs, as well as our daughter’s.

  • Stay at Home Parent; Gotta Have Goals

    I have been doing the stay at home parent thing since June, which means that I have logged nearly nine months of this. Last night, the wife and I had a conversation about the next six months, and what that means for the kid’s schooling, home life, and our roles in it. The decision we made, even if the kid gets back into school full time, is that I will continue to be a stay at home parent, and not look for a job. Things may change in September, but for now, this will be my role for the family.

    I also know very well that planning in this pandemic is foolish, as there is a very high probability that what we are setting ourselves up for is disappointment. Hoping that the future will be better was the philosophical status quo a year ago, but now that thought seems fraught with disaster. I’m not ready to give up hope just yet, and I really don’t want to set that example for my daughter.

    My grandmother used to always say to us, “You gotta have goals.” I used to think that was something that people in retirement would say, to give their day purpose. Now I see that it is a mantra for mental survival. If you don’t have something to work towards, then it’s hard to get up in the morning.

    The wife will be the one who works, brings in our income, and provides our insurance. I will manage the home, the kid’s schooling, and all the other tasks in our daily life. That’s the deal. We will reexamine this situation when we hit June to make sure it still works for us.

    And there is one other thing; I need to stop calling this the “new normal” and just call it normal.

  • The Courage to Plan for a Future

    Last night, after we had put our daughter to bed, the wife and I had a discussion about trying to retire our debt, yet again. This time around, we had the conversation while not have a few drinks. It made the conversation more logical, but clearly, less fun.

    Yup, we have credit card debt, and student loans, and a car loan as well. It’s a lot. This weighs on us all the time, and it seems like “debt” always finds a way to work into whatever conversation we are having. 2020 was the year that we were to get on top of it, and in March, it really looked like it was going to happen… And we all know what came next.

    What we were really trying to speak about last night was, did we have the courage to start planning for the future? I still don’t think we are there yet. The debt is a big problem, but so is getting the kid back into school, and even if she does get back into class every day, that doesn’t give me the ability to go out and get a job, as she will be out of class at 2:30, and with no afterschool program for her to be a part of, then I will need to be available for pick up. So, looks like I will be Stay at Home Dad for a while longer.

    And I enjoy being a Stay at Home Dad. I love all the time I get to spend with my daughter; helping her learn, playing with her, discovering things with her, creating things with her. It really is a gift, the best silver lining to come out of this whole mess.

    But…

    But, if I want to give her a good future, and stability, we have to take care of our finances. It’s not insurmountable, and we have been in a worse situation before. It just means that a sacrifice needs to be made.

    Like I said, we need a little courage.