Tag: #Parenting

  • Parenting: Organizing Nature/Nurture

    I’m pretty tired from the weekend, and I didn’t sleep well, come to think of it. (To really “come to think of it” I haven’t slept well in three years.) It was too cold to do things outside this weekend, so we were all stuck in the apartment together. We decided to deep clean the apartment, and finish the ongoing project of organizing the kid’s room. We hung more book shelves in her room, since I can’t stop buying her books, and got lots of bins for the kid to put her toys in. This is all in an effort to make her small space more efficient, and to also make it easier for her to clean up her room. As that seems to be a constant battle; cleaning the room!

    On weekends like this, I start thinking about nature/nurture when it comes to the kid. How will this cleaning, and organizing affect her? Will having a room with white bins of different sizes, labeled, cause her to be an organized person? Will she rebel against organization in adolescence? Will this cause her to flourish in analytical endeavors, or crush her creativity?

    My parents were very organized people; Scheduled and regimented. To this day, at 77, my father keeps a schedule for each day, of things to accomplish. I never felt that my folks pushed “order” on me, but I can clearly say that I rebelled against anything that had any order to it in my teens and twenties. I hated patterns, and well, anything scheduled and consistent. Only when I started my professional career in my 30’s, that this inclination to be orderly and organized became an advantage. Now in my 40’s, I can’t stop organizing and scheduling.

    So, as I look at my kid, I wonder how this will play out, or if it ever plays out; does putting things in a box matter?

  • Walking NYC Again

    My daughter’s birthday is coming up, and the wife and I have been taking turns shopping for the event. The wife was able to get all of her purchases taken care of in, and around the neighborhood. My big errand for the birthday shopping was to go get some books. Luckily, there is a great children’s bookstore in Manhattan, Books of Wonder, and I headed out for the Upper West Side location.

    Now, I could have taken some sort of mass transit there, but I am still a little hesitant, and also, I could use the exercise of a good walk. So on Saturday, I head out on foot. It was a nice winter day for a walk; not too cold, but cold enough to be bundled up.

    For the past ten months, I have rarely gone any further north than 145th Street, a never below 93rd Street, so to head down into the 80’s was like going to a new foreign land. The thing I noticed first was the amount of people, who were younger than me, all crammed around tables on the sidewalks for brunch. I know that the restaurants need the business, but the lack of masks, and close proximity didn’t seem very safe or wise. I don’t know what the answer is here, but there just needs to be a better balance out there.

    But, as I walked on, down Columbus, and then over to Amsterdam, I began to enjoy being out in the City. Hearing people’s conversations on the street, and the movement and action of coming and going. I know it was only like 50% of NYC, but it was a friendly reminder that this was once a city that I wanted to be in and explore. It was nice to see people, even from a safe six-foot distance.

  • Learning to Read and Write

    I am not a fan of remote schooling, but I don’t know anyone who is. It is something that we are all putting up with. I have said this before, and that is that the remote teacher my daughter has is great. She is patient, and calm and very nurturing to all the kids. My daughter looks forward to seeing her teacher, and draws pictures for her. For this crappy situation, I feel very fortunate that she is our teacher.

    I am also aware of the short coming of remote learning. Mainly, it is difficult to consistently reinforce lessons in these spurts of learning. Even with parental support, which I know all of us parents do for the class, it is not reaping the same results as compared to the kids being in a classroom together.

    But there is one very wonderful thing that I do get to take part in; I get to help my kid learn to read and write. (The kid is an ace with math, which she totally gets from her mother.) I have made flashcards to go over sight words with her, and its fun watching her begin to recognize those sight words in the real world.

    “Hey, Dad! I can read that!” is a new fun phrase she likes to share with me. She is just beginning to unlock the world around her, and that feeling of the discovery beams off of her.

    And at the end of the day, the kid will sit in my lap and read one of her books to me. Slowly, sounding out words, connecting the thoughts in the words, and watching her confidence grow as the words are no longer a difficulty to her.

    With reading the books, she is now wanting to write her own books. We have bought her several notebooks to draw in, but now she wants to put words with her drawings. She labors over her desk, drawing images, and scenes for her stories. Then she starts the process of finding the right words to describe her pictures.

    It is pretty special that I get to play a part in my kid learning the basic building blocks of her education.

  • Morning Parenting: Creativity

    I played the Bee Gees for my daughter this morning as we were drawing together. I put on a play list while we were drawing together, and “Stayin’ Alive” came on. The kid told me that she liked that song, so I put on a few other Bee Gee songs; the big hits mainly, and she thought all of them were “really fun.”

    What this has now created in the kid is that she wants to “drum” on her desk and not pay attention to her remote class meeting. I can’t really blame her too much. The remote classes can be a little dull for her, especially when her teacher tries to get the kids to work on their writing. I mean, without everyone being in the same room, working together, it can be a disjointed mess. (I give her teacher so much credit for being patient and supportive with all of the kids.) And in that chaos, my kid likes to drum on her desk, or sing songs she makes up.

    And that is the rub for me as a parent; I need to kid to learn how to write, and at the same time, I don’t want to discourage her creativity. This is why we have started drawing together in the morning between classes. Not only is it something that we can do together creatively, but it is also is a chance for us to talk about things. I want her to be able to express herself clearly and confidently.

  • The Courage to Plan for a Future

    Last night, after we had put our daughter to bed, the wife and I had a discussion about trying to retire our debt, yet again. This time around, we had the conversation while not have a few drinks. It made the conversation more logical, but clearly, less fun.

    Yup, we have credit card debt, and student loans, and a car loan as well. It’s a lot. This weighs on us all the time, and it seems like “debt” always finds a way to work into whatever conversation we are having. 2020 was the year that we were to get on top of it, and in March, it really looked like it was going to happen… And we all know what came next.

    What we were really trying to speak about last night was, did we have the courage to start planning for the future? I still don’t think we are there yet. The debt is a big problem, but so is getting the kid back into school, and even if she does get back into class every day, that doesn’t give me the ability to go out and get a job, as she will be out of class at 2:30, and with no afterschool program for her to be a part of, then I will need to be available for pick up. So, looks like I will be Stay at Home Dad for a while longer.

    And I enjoy being a Stay at Home Dad. I love all the time I get to spend with my daughter; helping her learn, playing with her, discovering things with her, creating things with her. It really is a gift, the best silver lining to come out of this whole mess.

    But…

    But, if I want to give her a good future, and stability, we have to take care of our finances. It’s not insurmountable, and we have been in a worse situation before. It just means that a sacrifice needs to be made.

    Like I said, we need a little courage.