Tag: #Parenting

  • THE END of THE YEAR

    So, 2021 comes to close, and just like how I was feeling over Christmas, I have no excitement for the coming year. I am quite sure this is due to having three shitty years in a row. And if I really think about it, 2018 was a craptastic 12 months as well. It is fair to say that me and the wife have had a really difficult five years, if we are to be honest.

    I feel awful for saying that, mainly because it’s our daughter that is getting the short end of this stick. The first two years of being a parent aren’t easy, but we handled that time of our lives, I think, rather well. But these last five years… She’s had to deal with parents that have had a high level of anxiety. And I know that we aren’t the only people who have had a hard time. But I would like it to lighten up a little for the kid, if nothing else.

    She asked me last night as I was tucking her in how long she’ll have to keep wearing a mask.

    Just a while longer, I said.

    I had to give her some hope. I needed some hope as well.

    It’s a very fine line when hope goes from optimism, and crosses into a lie.

    But, there is still a chance that things can get better. A chance that optimism will return. That we can start planning for longer than a week, or a month.

    As my grandmother would say, you gotta have goals; something to look forward to.

  • Kid Vaxed

    Today is the day that our kid gets their first dose of the Covid vaccine. We have waited for this day since March of 2020. I know that we are still a long way from no masks, but this will allow us to take a deep breath and relax.

    Once the second does is taken, we can go back to a restaurant as a family, or go to a movie. This will allow the kid to be outside without a mask on. And then there are playdates and maybe even sleepovers again.

    But most importantly, if for some reason one of us does become sick, all the other members of the home are now safe.

    The interesting thing that I have learned recently, is that my daughter will be in the minority when it comes to kids vaxed in her classroom. I knew that there would be parents that wouldn’t want to have their kids vaxed, and I know some that want to wait and see how things are in six months, and then get it. I thought the breakdown to vax v. not-vax would be 50/50, but it’s closer to 2/3 not vaxed. That did surprise me.

    Look, I’m going into this situation by trusting that other parents are making the best decisions for their family, also meaning that I trust that they are being responsible parents. I have seen no evidence that leads me to believe otherwise.

    Here is the interesting thing that I have noticed about this information, or at least when I share that information with friends. My more liberal friends think the parents that aren’t letting their kids get vaxed are MAGA-Trumpers, and my conservative friends think the exact same thing. I am pretty sure, like 99% sure, that the parents who aren’t letting their kids get vaxed do not support, nor did they vote, for Trump. When I try to explain that politics really isn’t playing a part in these family’s decision, my friends, on both sides, really don’t believe me. They think that not get a kid vaxed is a political decision. That there can be no other explanation.

    I don’t know why these parents aren’t vaxing their kids, because they haven’t shared it with me, and I’m not going to ask. I’m going to continue to respect other people’s family’s and the decisions that they make.

    My choice is to vax my kid.

  • Having a Family

    I didn’t always want to be a parent. At first, it felt like something that I had to do, or was inventible. And then when I went away to college, I started to think that being a parent wasn’t for me. The fact that I wanted to go into the arts made me feel like I couldn’t be counted on to provide. And then I met my wife, who was open with me, that one day she would want to be a mother. Not that it had to be with me, or that we had to agree on it right now, but it was important to her. I did come around to wanting to become a father, and a parent with her. Not that it didn’t scare the shit out of me, and still does, but the change was that I wanted to do it, even though it was scary.

    I think there is a big difference in wanting to do something and it scares you, and that thing scares me and I don’t want to do it.

    That is also why I am completely understanding people who don’t want to have kids for that reason; I don’t want to do it. If you have taken the time to search your soul, and that is the answer you came up with, Great! And if you have never spent any time thinking about it, and that is also you’re conclusion, Super Great!

    Because we all know the horrible truth of this world; there are people out there who should not be parents, or they became parents for the wrong reasons. And in those situations, the kids are the ones who sufferer, and for no fault of their own.

    Yes, I know there are people out there that learned to love being a parent, but that’s an awful gamble with a kid’s wellbeing.

    I say all of this because, it was a hard-parenting weekend with my daughter. Arguments, and tears, and misunderstandings, and some pretty selfish behavior. It was not fun. What it was, was a whole lotta work. And come this morning, I was tired, and sore for some reason.

    But then, I walked the kid to school, and she asked me if we could play Legos this afternoon, and listen to music.

    And not that it made up for the difficult weekend, but it reminded me of why I wanted to be a parent. Even though it is scary as shit.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Power Point That Coup, BIRDS AREN’T REAL, Collar of Shame, and Libraries

    ODDS and ENDS is my continuing series of random thoughts and follow ups…

    Note to self: When planning a coup, don’t use Power Point. Also note to self: When planning a coup, don’t hire people that I need to use Power Point to explain how the coup works.

    This article was awesome, because BIRDS AREN’T REAL. Absurdist humor makes me very happy, even if it doesn’t make me laugh out loud.

    My dog has a cone collar now, or at least for the next six days. There is this red bump that is at the corner of her right eye, and it is as ugly as it sounds. The collar is humiliating for all of us, but let’s be honest, the dog has it the worst. Right now, she is veering between whimpering for sympathy, and outright hostility toward us. We need her to not scratch at the bump, and at the same time, apply an ointment to the bump twice a day. I have no issue doing this, as I love the dog, and want her to be healthy. And at the same time, it is still funny to see my compassion and affection for this animal on full display in our apartment for the next week. I will let this dog bite and growl at me twice a day, and I will keep my voice in the gentlest of tones.

    This past summer, I decided that it was time for the kid to get her library card. Down the street from us is a branch of the New York Public Library, which makes it easy to visit often. Over the summer and start of the school year, we would go and check out books on subjects that the kid was interested in. I would also get some early reader books, so we can keep working on that skill. The Liberians there are great. Always friendly, and patient with questions, as my daughter has lots of questions. The kid tells me she likes going to the library, and I think she’s being honest with me, and not telling me what I want to hear. I want to build a love of reading and for books in her, but also don’t want to come across too heavy handed, thus turning her off to it. I mean, I won’t know the result of this project for many years. I just have to hope that I am building a good foundation for her.

  • Sunday Night Blues

    There are many milestones that we have hit in my young daughter’s life. The vast majority of them are fun and exciting, like Christmas morning, or learning to read.

    And then there was last night, Sunday night, where the kid got very cranky and withdrawn, which is not like her. The wife and I both took turns trying to get out of her, what the problem was. Finally she admitted that she hates Sunday Night’s because the weekend if over.

    Ahhh… The Sunday Night Blues; when one gets the sinking feeling in their stomach that the fun of the weekend is over and they have to return to work/school.

    I was a little surprised because the kid loves school. One of the side effects of the pandemic in our household has been a very strong desire of our daughter to be in a school, surrounded by kids, teachers, and the ability to learn. So, to hear her express her own version of the Sunday Blues was a little sad for me. But I also know it was inevitable.

    I hated Sunday nights for a very long time. I remember being little, eating Sunday dinner, and then watching 60 Minutes, and Murder, She Wrote, and that feeling slowly creeping over me that the good times of the weekend were coming to an end. That I would have to go back to school, and deal with fractions, and remainders, and bullies, and girls, and bus rides and all of that stuff that worried me as a kid. Even as an adult, I would still try and stay up as late as possible on Sunday night, avoiding going to bed, knowing it was a fruitless exercise, that I would still have to sit through passive aggressive staff meetings the next day.

    Sunday nights are still a little weird for me in this new reality. I may not have to go to an office full of assholes, which is clearly a plus, but there is a routine of the week which starts over again, and I have responsibilities to keep. But I don’t dread Monday. Dreading the next day is the worst.

    Now that this milestone has arisen for my daughter, I now wish it would have been kept at bay for a while longer. It’s normal to be a little sad when the fun comes to an end. I just hope I can help the kid to keep looking forward to tomorrow.