Tag: October

  • ODDS and ENDS: China Bots, Soccer, Cubs, and Cool Down Damn It!

    ODDS and ENDS: China Bots, Soccer, Cubs, and Cool Down Damn It!

    (If you know, you know and that’s all right…)

    China bots have invaded my blog! At first I thought that I was getting really popular. But then I looked up where all these views were coming from, and it turns out they were coming from one city in China. I guess it’s possible that I’m really popular in China. Then I did a little digging on the internets and found out that this is a common situation. Any case, I would just like to say hello to all you bots out there. Hope you find what you’re looking for. I suggest checking out my latest published piece at Split Lip Magazine. It’s rather insightful, if I must say so myself.

    The kid’s soccer season starts on Saturday. Not much to say other than that this year, I will buy folding chairs so I can sit and watch the matches. Oh, and Tottenham is playing rather well; Only one loss and two draws, with five wins. Lot’s of soccer in my life right now.

    And the Cubs made the playoffs, so I get to see they gang play in October. That’s making my Fall feel better.

    So, to say that I impatient for Autumn is an understatement. I have my huge thick cardigan sweat sitting out in the living room, as I am ready for a chilly evening to put it on, but the air conditioner is on. It’s 83 degrees in the City, and humid as Houston. I know, I know, I know I sound like the oldest of old mean yelling at the clouds, but you need to understand that I am built and geared for the Fall and Winter. Prolonged exposure to Summer and warm weather causes my brain to melt and generally creates a state of high annoyance in me. I need clouds and gray, rain, and leaves changing, and coffee all day. Honestly, if Autumn doesn’t show up soon, I might just melt away…

  • Edgy

    I guess it was this weekend, that I started to notice that I was getting edgy. The wife refers to it as “being feisty” because I find reasons to argue over little things. It’s not like they are real arguments, more like just contradictory comments – never ending comments. Either way, it gets on people’s nerves.

    And it first, I don’t know why everything is rubbing me the wrong way. I have a twitch in my eye and jaw, FYI. Then I look at the calendar and see that on Saturday it’s been five years since my mom’s passing.

    Now it makes sense.

    After my mom passed, I remember reading an essay about how the author was dealing with their grief, and how the week of their parent’s passing, they would find themselves angry, and lashing out. They knew why they were doing it, and even though they tried to stop it, they couldn’t.

    I feel like that. I feel I should know better, and not do it, but also, doing it feels correct.

    What I was surprised by was forgetting, or a better phrase to use would be, not remembering that my mom’s passing was coming. A little of it was avoiding the anniversary. Another bit was that I actually forgot. I went into October thinking about Fall, leaves, gourds, apple picking, and Halloween. Like you should. This was the first year where October didn’t mean “mom’s death.”

    But sub-consciously, I did know. Maybe it wasn’t at the forefront of my mind, but it was rattling around back there. It was always be there, and that’s okay.

  • Opening the Windows

    We are desperate for Autumn in our home. For the past two days in NYC, the high has been 78 degrees or so. For us, that means we can shut off the air conditioners, and open up the widows and get some fresh air in here.

    Except there really hasn’t been a breeze, which doesn’t help cool things off in the apartment. And then there is the new condo tower going up across the way, with its all glass window exterior which reflects the sun in a focused high beam right into out livingroom, thus warming the whole place up by five degrees or so, between the hours of 2pm to 5pm. I now know what an ant under a magnifying glass feels like. We suffer on with fans going – hoping to move enough air to feel like it’s cool at home.

    Which it isn’t.

    BUT!

    The windows are open. That’s something you do when it’s not hot out. Open windows mean the seasons are changing, and it might, sort of, hopefully, get cool enough so I could put a sweater on at night… Or early in the morning?

    This is a silly little hopeful dance we do every year. Thinking that the Summer heat is over, and that we can pack up or short sleeves and shorts, and return them to storage along with the 500-pound window a/c’s that we lug up and down the stains once a year.

    What I really want is it to be mid-October, with the leaves changing and I have an afternoon cup of coffee in my hand.

    That’s what I want.

    But I’ll settle on some open windows.

  • The Reason Why I Am Edgy This Week

    I had mentioned in my post on Friday that my family and I were going out this weekend for some apple picking, and I had joked about how silly the act of picking apples was, but deep down I really enjoy doing it. The place we went was Apple Dave’s Orchards in Warwick, NY, and we’ve gone there for several years and have always had a really enjoyable time. I recommend you head out there, and get the apple cider donuts while you’re at it.

    And after the apple picking, we ran a few errands in New Jersey before we headed home to Harlem. While we were running these errands, I felt myself getting edgy. I didn’t have an outbursts, or get mad at anyone, but I could feel this slight level of annoyance building in me. I know myself well enough to know that I needed to remind myself to relax, and not take anything serious.

    But for the rest of the weekend, this feeling of frustration never left me. It was also a feeling of stress and anxiety. My shoulders ached. I got a canker sore in my mouth. I had trouble sleeping. I was feeling like I was falling apart, but I could think why? I’m having the normal stresses in life, such as nothing has changed recently. We are plugging away, trying to get ahead like we have been trying for the past two years. Life’s normal.

    As I was taking our laundry to the laundromat this morning, I started thinking about my weekend, and how I might want to write a blog about apple picking. I took some pictures of our apple adventure on Saturday, and thought I might want to use them in the blog, which reminded me of the first time we went out to Dave’s Orchards with my parents, who had come to visit us in the fall of 2017. And the reason we go back to Dave’s every year because it is a place that we have fond memories with my mother, who passed away four years ago on October 14th.

    And then I knew.

    I had forgotten about the anniversary of my mother’s death. Well… consciously I had, but not sub-consciously.

    I know that my mother is dead. It’s not like I forgot that. I am at the point now that I can talk about my mother without an issue. I can even talk about her death and the awfulness of losing her. What does get to me is thinking about the things Ma isn’t here for; birthdays, holidays, and a simple phone call. It breaks my heart not being able to share things with her. Whether she wanted it or not, I did talk a lot to her.

    It will be a tough week, and I’ll be subdued while just feeling sad. It’s not like I won’t be able to function this week, or that I will be angry or something. What it’s like is having a blanket of melancholy around me, and all events will be filter through that feeling. And that will be manageable.

    I just miss my mom, still. That’s all.

    (Hey. Thanks for taking a second to read this. If you could, please take a moment to give a like, share, or comment, and follows are always welcomed.)