Tag: MST3k

  • Personal Review: Road House; Both of Them (1989, 2024)

    (It’s my way, or the highway.)

    So, I’m a huge MST3k fan, and as such, I join in that show’s admiration of the Patrick Swayze epic that is Road House from 1989. It is a movie that was made specifically for pre-teen and teenage boys, and I happened to be that in the late 80’s. I watched it many times over at a friend’s house, as his parents didn’t care what we did, and my mom would have grounded me for years if she knew her twelve year old angel was illicitly watching an R rated movie. It is not a good movie, but it is a good-bad movie.

    I can’t say the same thing for the new Road House, staring Jake Gyllenhaal, which I watched over the weekend. To put it bluntly, it’s a movie that wants very badly to be included in the joke – as if it could laugh along with us at how bad all of this is. What that creates is an uneven affair. At times, this is a movie that attempts to take these characters seriously. Then, at snap of the neck speed, the film turns around and wants us guffaw at how silly and over the top they are. I mean, the main villain, played by Billy Magnussen, was only missing a moustache to twirl in his overly melodramatic performance. As for Conner McGregor’s Knox, who must have drawn inspiration from Wile E. Coyote, his character survives accident after accident, and just keeps popping back up. I felt the worst for Gyllenhaal, who had nothing to work with other than the stock “trauma” trope, which is revealed half way through the movie, per usual for movies like this. This Dalton has no bouncer skills, no knowledge about the world of bars which would make him an expert. No, this Dalton is just a guy who is good at fighting. If you took the fighting away, there’s nothing interesting or unique about him. This a movie is just a vehicle for some fights.  

    This gets me back to the original Road House – and again, not a good movie, but a good-bad movie – which I watched last night. Swayze has an earnestness in the role of Dalton, which at times can be charming, and also very cheesy. But Swayze sticks with it, and never breaks or hints that he knows that a story about the world’s greatest bouncer, is just silly. The tai chi on the riverbank, the monster truck, Sam Elliot being Sam Elliot, Ben Gazzara chewing the hell out of the scenery, the flat characters; it’s all over the top, but it never spins out of control. I think Roger Ebert said it best in his review of the film, “Road House exists right on the edge between the ‘good-bad movie’ and the merely bad. I hesitate to recommend it, because so much depends on the ironic vision of the viewer. This is not a good movie. But viewed in the right frame of mind, it is not a boring one, either.”

  • This One is the for Old School Fans

  • ODDS and ENDS: Yippie Dog, The Week of Black Friday, and a Movie Marathon

    (But I wanted a torta…)

    We have a new neighbor in our building, and they moved into the “Bermuda Triangle” apartment. That’s the unit no one stays very long in, maybe six months – tops. Anyway, they moved in, and I have only seen the person once. They seemed friendly and we exchanged pleasantries. But they brought something else with them; a little yippie dog. Oh, how that little dog likes to bark its yippie little bark. Day, night, walking by their door, and sneezing too loud. Yip! Yip! Yip! At first my dog was annoyed at the yipping, but of late, she seems to have resigned herself to ignoring it. We can block it out, and it’s more of a novelty of an annoyance than an actual annoying thing. Yet, I still have to wonder what it’s like in that apartment, as that dog yips and yips and yips day and night. Yip!

    So… “Black Friday” is a week-long thing now. When did that happen? I don’t really care that there is now a week of shopping deals – whatever needs to happen to sell TVs is fine. It’s the use of “Black Friday” to represent an entire week, and in some commercials, the whole month. It feels like this is the first year of the week- and month-long Black Friday title’s use, but I can also see retailers gaslighting me, saying that it’s always been like this. And I should be shopping more. Do I need a new TV? I should get a new TV.  

    As we are closing in on Thanksgiving, and I am a huge MST3k fan, this would be the time to start thinking about watching a marathon of awful movies while on vacation. Sadly, I don’t think I can get the wife and kid on board to watch a bunch of old Joel episodes, let alone actually look for some bad movies in general. (Maybe Rob Hill over at Bad Movie Bible should put out a list of suggestion awful movies to marathon through for Thanksgiving?) No, I think if I want to make this happen, I have to actually be rather creative in my movie selection. We have done all the Star Wars movies, and Harry Potter, and even did all the Marvel movies once upon a Covid. I think I might have to sub-genera it, like all the Spiderman movies. Or, maybe all the different versions of Fantastic Four? Or all the Marvel films? How about Bill Murray movies he later regretted making? Or Gene Hackman “paycheck” movies? This could be fun, come to think of it.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Bad Movie Bible, Stuck in the Rain, and Father’s Day Gifts

    (If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the shower…)

    For those who know me, and for the other four people who read this, you know that I love the show Mystery Science Theater 3000, and bad movies in general. As soon as I got a Blockbuster card as a teenager, I was renting only the best of the really awful movies, usually to watch with friends on Friday or Saturday nights in junior and high school. (I was a popular cool kid, if you couldn’t tell.) That was a happy time in my life, and when I have a rough day, an episode of MST3k, or an awful movie hidden deep in Amazon Prime Video (they really do have the schlocky-ist of movies) will quickly get me back on track to a better mood. About a month ago, The Great God Algorithm of YouTube decreed that I needed to start watching the videos of The Bad Movie Bible, which is created and hosted by Rob Hill. (I thank Thee, Great God of the Algorithm, for this gift!) Hill is a hilarious encyclopedia of awful movies, and with his dead pan delivery and spot on editing of clips, he has created some of the best and funniest videos detailing specific genres of bad movies. My favorite series he has are the “Borrowing Blockbuster” videos that go into detail on all the knock off movies that came out to cash in on the success of huge hit movies – like Star Wars, Jaws, Die Hard, etc.… I respect Hill’s commitment to movies that most people write off, and at the same time I am amazed at his stamina to handle what must feel like an unending onslaught of awfulness.

    Today, I did the Alt Side Parking dance of moving the car. No big deal, went as normal as all the other days that I do it. But as I walked home, it started to rain. I didn’t know it was supposed to rain early today; I was told this afternoon. And as such, I had no raincoat or umbrella. I was a guy caught out in the rain, a few blocks from home. So, I walked in the rain and got soaked. It occurred to me that I haven’t been caught in the rain in a long time, like ten years maybe. Once I accepted that I was going to get soaked, it was a rather enjoyable experience.

    My wife and kid got me a Tottenham Hotspur t-shirt, and supporter’s pin for Father’s Day. That made me very happy.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Nightmares, Blogging, and Shop Local

    (Some thoughts that don’t involve Tottenham or Alt Side Parking.)

    The kid woke me up at 1am. She had a nightmare, and I tried to get her back to bed, but she was too upset. So, I did what any good father would do, we sat on the couch until we fell asleep watching MST3k. “Mitchell” was on and that calmed everyone down. In the morning, I asked the night what her nightmare was about, and she said that she dreamed she was an artist, and kept failing over and over again to paint a perfect picture. Yikes! I tried to talk to her about how failure is an important part of the creative process as it allows an artist to know what doesn’t work, and to keep trying. I don’t know if it took hold, but I did think she was a little young to be worried about painting a perfect picture.

    I started thinking again about switching to a paid blogsite, and getting away from the free WordPress.com thing that I am on now. I do this every couple of months, and I always get back to asking myself, what is the point? I have written about this on twenty different occasion, if not more, and I can never come up with a persuasive argument for myself, one way or the other. I am continually sitting on the pot over this one. I don’t know how to do what I want to do, which is what I am doing right now, sitting on my couch and writing, and make a living at it. Will a better blog site get me any closer to that goal? Honestly, I don’t think it will. BUT… I do have some free time, and it is something to do. Ahhh… I’ll sit on the pot awhile longer then.

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