Tag: Middle Age

  • Working Out Together

    Who does this? I’m not judging; just wondering if I know any friends, couples actually, who go and workout together? I see this couple activity depicted in tv and movies, and there sure does seem to be a great number of people on social media presenting videos of them and their significant other lifting weights, running, or drinking protein shakes together. They seem to be enjoying each other’s company. Now and then, at the gym or in the park, I will see a couple running together, so I know it happens.

    The reason I ask is that the wife and I might start working out together. OR to be more accurate, both of us will be in the gym at the same time. See, I run and the wife does yoga. Recently, after a back issue, her doctor suggested that she might want to start lifting some weights. She does have a membership to the gym I go to, a perk of her job, so she thought that we should go together on the same day… you know, to help motivate each other.

    I’m not opposed to this idea. I just never saw us as a workout couple on our life BINGO card. When this happens at the gym, she’ll go to her weight machine, and I’ll head to the treadmill. After thirty minutes, we’ll leave together. Maybe we’ll talk about “gains” but I doubt it.

    And I would say that this is the unexpected path that middle-aged life is taking us on. I still hate working out, but I at least know that working out 30 minutes a day, five days a week, can have a huge positive impact on your health. So, I’m not stupid. It’s just not my favorite thing to do. Call it an “eating your vegetable” problem – I know it’s good for me.

    I never really thought about what being middle aged would be like, because I never really thought that I’d be middle aged. Not that I would die young or anything like that; I just never thought about being bald, with a little tummy pudge, worrying about retirement and the cost of college for the kid. Thinking about my life with the wife, I just assumed we’d get older, but look the same, and drink and smoke, eat food we want to eat, never change, and and stay up late every night.

    Didn’t turn out that way. I’m not unhappy about the way things worked out; most of it is pretty great. But now I have things in my life that I want to spend as much time with as possible, and though it’s like fighting the tide, if I can snatch some extra time, I will.

    So, we’re going to the gym together.

  • Distracted Today

    I set a schedule for myself and I try to stick to it. Wednesday is the one day of the week that is all my own. I don’t have any chores to take care of, no obligations to the family other than dropping off and picking the kid up from school. Wednesday is the day that I read short stories, write a review of one, and then work on my other writing.

    But not today.

    Everything has felt a little off.

    It started like normal. Got the family up, kid off to school, and went to the gym. Got home, settled in on the couch with a coffee, and started making the rounds of reading short fiction online, and in magazines. And I read for two hours, about 8 different stories, but my mind kept pulling me out of what I was doing. I was having trouble focusing, you know, just an overall difficulty at completing the simple task of reading, and thinking about what I had just read.

    It was a malaise that was coming over and around me. I was doing something for myself, that I enjoy doing, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should be doing something else. Something practical. Reading this morning started to feel like I was hiding out, avoiding, procrastinating away from what I should really be doing with my time.

    My mind wanted me to think about money and finances.

    We have a plan, which we have stuck to, but we hit a rough patch yesterday. Surprise medical bills, which delays our ability to pay down the debt. There is a chance that things could improve, but for the improvement to happen, I need to get a job.

    And that’s what is gnawing at me today; should I really be sitting around on the couch reading? Should I write a blog, when I should be updating my resume, searching Indeed?

    Clearly, I opted for the blog. I mean, I’m going to look for a job after lunch, and then get back to reading.

  • Thoughts on Time and Settling (Unedited)

    The wife and I made a promise to each other for 2023. I don’t want to call it a resolution, because those are stupid, and doomed to fail. The promise we made was twofold:

    “No more wasting time, and no more settling.”

    This isn’t self-help garbage, like the “Hang in There” kitten poster. This is a pragmatic reminder.

    We do waste an enormous amount of time each day. Looking at our phones is the biggest culprit. But also, mindless eating while looking at the tv. Staying up late to stay up late (that one’s all me) and I have to go back and mention the phones again, because, you know, phones will eat up hours of your day. See, and this time wasting leads to us having to settle on things, because we haven’t given ourselves enough time to accomplish the things we want to do. It can be a vicious cycle, and we’d like to bust out of unhealthy cycles.

    And like all changes in life, no one really likes it, and it’s hard to follow though on.

    The wife is doing better than I. She is making it to yoga on the scheduled days, and going to bed on time. I can’t seem to get to the gym more than twice a week, and that should increase to at least three to four days a week. Like I said above, I’m still not making it to bed on time, which means I’m only getting like six hours of sleep.

    And as we start the game of setting goals and trying to achieve them as a family, I can’t shake the feeling that there is a clock, and I am running out of time. Maybe it has to do with being in my mid-forties, which I have been thinking about a lot of late, and that I might need to have to make some tough choices; I can’t do it all – something will have to fall to the wayside and be left behind.

    I have been with my wife for seventeen years, married for twelve, and they have been good years. We have a kid we love, and want to provide for, which is the real motivation for this. We will only have so much time with her, and then she will be out there in the world. We need to be parents that she can count on, and follow through when we say we are going to do something.

  • Where Are the Movies About Gen-X in Their 40’s?

    About a week ago, I found on YouTube old episodes of Siskel & Ebert, At the Movies, and Sneak Previews; all the iterations of their show. It did make me miss watching Gene and Roger debating movies. As Patton Oswalt described, those reviews were a godsend for a kid growing up in the suburbs whose access to good cinema was a video store and their suggestions. The other bonus, other than a nostalgia flood, was being reminded of many great movies that I hadn’t seen in years, which I am now reacquainting myself with.

    Then I noticed that, starting around the late 70’s and going into the early 80’s, there were many dramas and romantic comedies which addressed Baby Boomers entering their 40’s, and the issues and complications that followed. Divorce and affairs seemed to be the Boomer’s major concern in these films, which makes sense as that generation was coming out of the Sexual Revolution which dramatically/comedically could run in conflict with the desire for a more normal and conventional family life.

    The last movie I just finished watching, The Four Seasons, Alan Alda’s directorial debut and meditation on three couples entering middle age and empty nests. Though still a good movie, and no surprise here, it is dated, but dated in the sense that it reflects the sensibilities of its time. Sure, the men dominate the film leaving the women little to do (but Carrol Burnet does steal the show in several of her scenes,) and in the end, it feels like a WASP-y fantasy of a life of leisure. I don’t want to discount that Alda does have some very honest notes with these characters; not wanting to miss out on having joy in one’s life, to have relationships that are still filled with spontaneity and passion, and what it takes to be in a relationship that continues to grow. That I could relate to.

    And then it dawned on me…

    I’m a Gen-Xer in my mid-forties; Where’s the Gen-X movie about being in your 40’s?

    Seriously? What happened? Are those movies out there, and I’ve just missed them? Or are people even making movies like that anymore? (I fully admit, that since I became a father, I totally have dropped off the Earth when it comes to movies. I haven’t seen a film in a theatre that wasn’t children themed in almost ten years, so if I am woefully ignorant, go easy on me.) It can’t fully be that film making and producing and financing has changed THAT much that no one can make a personal drama about real life issues, right?

    I find it hard to believe that no one is interested in stories like that. From my perspective, it seems like there is so much material there that could be churned up to make compelling dramatic or rom-com about X-er’s in their 40’s. I don’t think people have changed so much that they don’t want to see themselves through characters dealing with relatively similar issues.

    So, where are these movies?

    UPDATE: There was This Is 40, but it wasn’t very good, so it doesn’t count.

  • Short Story Review: “Shelter” by Nicole Krauss

    (The short story “Shelter” by Nicole Krauss appeared in the October 3rd, 2022 issue of The New Yorker.)

    (Photograph by Elinor Carucci for The New Yorker)

    What are the two biggest cliché subjects in literature? Boys at boarding school, and middle aged men dealing with middle age. It once used to be like you couldn’t swing a dead cat without hitting one of these novels at a bookstore, but it now does feel like things are beginning to change. I mean, I get it. Long ago, the only people who would get published and did the publishing were middle aged men who all went to boarding school, so they produced what related to them.

    When I started reading “Shelter” by Nicole Krauss, and it dawned on me that our main character was a middle-aged man, dealing with being a middle aged man, I did get a little nervous. Was this about to be a story about a dopey, middle aged man that grasps for some meaning and purpose to his life, as per the cliché? The bad news is that the main character is that cliché, but the good news is that Nicole Krauss taps into an emotional base that gives an authenticity to that character.

    The story is that Cohen, our middle-aged man from New York, is in Tel Aviv for a business trip. There is a pregnant woman across the hall in the building where his AirBnB is, and we know that these two characters will become interconnected. For Cohen, who is dealing with his feelings of uselessness in his job and marriage, he has been self-medicating with different drugs, which have led to different levels of effectiveness, but end up costing him his bag which is stolen while on the beach during in a euphoric haze. Waiting back at the building for a new set of keys, the neighbor goes into labor, and Cohen helps out, thus finding a purpose. And then more stuff happens.

    While reading this story, I never had a doubt where it was going, and it did land where I thought it would. But, I found Krauss’ insights into Cohen’s motivations, thoughts, and his feelings while high, resonated with me. Even in a respect, I identified with Cohen a little. The feeling of being useless, and having lived enough of a life to know that you used to be useful, but somehow can’t figure out how to get back there. How being comfortable, which seemed to be the goal, actually is the thing that killed one’s ambition. The story stayed light, even comical, but still had an emotional weight to it. A nice feat of writing, I might add.

    I really like stories like this. It made me rethink that cliché that I had written off as meaningless.

    (Furthermore, if this blog spurred an inkling of enjoyment, even mirth, then if I may request that you reciprocate with a like, share, comment, or by-golly, start following it. That would bring a genuine smile to a face that might be mine.)