Tag: Men

  • I’m a Podcast Guest

    Come up soon, I will be a guest on the “Mommy Has Questions” podcast. I took part in the hosts’ conversation about “men in crisis,” as well as a few other topics. Take a minute and check them out, and when the episode lands, I will post the link.

  • Short Story Review: “The Pool” by T. Coraghessan Boyle

    (The short story “The Pool” by T. Coraghessan Boyle appeared in the September 22nd, 2025 issue of The New Yorker.)

    Illustration by Leanne Shapton

    Here’s an old saying that will live forever; Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. And when I hear this line, I contemplate if other words can also show sincere flattery, like – Impression, Takeoff, Parody, Sendup, Reproduction, Inspiration, or Synthesis. While reading T. Coraghessan Boyle’s “The Pool” I began to wonder how much of a debt this story owes to John Cheever’s “The Swimmer,” and should that be interpreted as a form of flattery?

    Now, I’m not the one who originally brought up Cheever. The story did it in the seventh paragraph. Also, “The Pool” is a story that is being published in The New Yorker, and that story references one of Cheever’s most famous stories, “The Swimmer” which was also published in The New Yorker. As such, the preponderance of the evidence leads me to believe that “The Swimmer” is, if nothing else, an influence on this story.

    “The Pool” is about a pool which is a part of a house that is recently purchased by the narrator/protagonist and his wife. They have two kids, and she is pregnant with their third, and final child. From the beginning of the story, there is a concern that a child may drown in the pool, and this foreshadowing comes to fruition when the narrator’s son falls into the pool at their house warming party. Thankfully the child is saved by a family friend, Malcolm, who is helping the narrator to paint the house. This near-death moment is the first of three that happen in the story; the other being a tree branch falling on the narrator’s wife, and the ending with the narrator jumping off the roof into the pool. Nothing bad happens to them, they stay lucky and safe. The same cannot be said for others in the story. Malcolm’s marriage falls apart, a baby opossum falls into the pool, and though rescued with attempts to nurse it back to health, the animal dies. In fact, there is dangerous wildlife just beyond the backyard fence, which the narrator encounters, and chooses not to tell his wife or family about. The narrator seems most concerned about drinking and staying high around his pool as the summer wains on with an almost never-ending round of pool parties at the home.

    And that brings me to my biggest rub; what to make of the narrator/protagonist? I wouldn’t go full blown and call him a narcissist, but he is rather self-absorbed. His children get very few mentions, other than saying they moved to find better schools, and that his wife’s birth control failed three times. His relationship with his pregnant wife seems to be fine, though he doesn’t show or say anything affectionate toward her even in her grand expecting state. Even the birth of their third child feels more like a footnote so the narrator can return home and continue sitting around the pool drinking with Malcolm. As the story progresses, the narrator seems to devolve into a more adolescent state. Having fun at the pool seems to be his only concern. It doesn’t lend itself to a satisfying character arc, because if this was a hero’s journey, then the journey never got started.

    Yet, I kept finding myself being pulled back to “The Swimmer” reference at the start of the story. Is “The Pool” a comment on current life in the suburbs? Is it a comment on men and their need for leisure? Or is it talking about men who fail up in life? Or is this about the aspirational attainment of “the American Dream” and how it can insulate you from the harsh realities of our modern world? I don’t know… I’m just not sure.

    I do want to add that I enjoy T. Coraghessan Boyle’s writing. Reading this story, the prose was compelling, and even urgent in places. There are moments of unease, and tension so the story, and I would say intentionally, feels as if it is settled on uneven ground. That things could shift at any moment. There are no clear lines here, but curves that the tone and themes progress on. It doesn’t follow a pattern, which is refreshing and should be acknowledged.

    I’m glad I read “The Pool” and for making me go look up “The Swimmer” as well. I can’t shake the feeling that “The Pool” is inspired and influenced by “The Swimmer” but still not sure what to make of it. I do recommend that you read it. If for no other reason than to ask, “What do you think it was about?”

  • ODDS and ENDS: Hair, Dogs, and My Website

    (My dog’s breath smells like shrimp…)

    I am a balding man. My brothers are balding men, and my father is a balding man as well. His father was bald, as was his father. As far as I can tell, men in my family have been bald. It’s just who we are, and I am fine with it. My uncle, who was my dad’s brother, told me to get a wife before I lose all my hair. I followed that advice, and my wife is good with a balding husband. And as my hair leaves the top of my head, I have started sprouting hair in my ears and nose. It is enough of an issue that I now have a trimmer specifically for those spots. Yet, I find myself wondering as I shave my ears and nose; why does my body grow new hair in my ears and nose? When I hit puberty, I started growing hair all over, EXCEPT for my ears and nose. So, what happened at 45 that caused my body to say, “Yeah, we need more hair at the nose and ears!” But what about keeping my brain warm? “I said EARS AND NOSE!”

    Is it odd that it costs more to board my dog for a week than it would for me to buy the dog her own airline ticket? I know that where we are going, there is no place for the dog to stay, but I feel like the dog boarding industry is pushing me to take the dog on the trip. Or they know that I’m in a situation and will pay whatever as long as my pet is taken care of.

    I’m thinking about updating my website. I am aware that this question might back fire on me, but anyone have any suggestion of how I should update/improve this site?

  • ODDS and ENDS: Local Spurs Bars, YouTube Battle Documentaries, and Most Men Can’t Grill

    (Holy Cannoli!)

    I have found the local NYC Tottenham Hotspur bar. Well, there are two; One in Manhattan and one in Brooklyn. I’m not planning on going there, as I just like knowing that they are there if I need them. Also, the 2022/23 Premiere League fixture schedule came out on Thursday. I won’t bore you with the details, but the season does start on August 6th.

    I think I might have mentioned a while ago that I started watching disc golf tournaments on YouTube. If I haven’t mentioned it,; I do that now. Somehow the YouTube/Google algorithm (which is our new overload and I do welcome them in running the mine) thought I needed to watch some very detailed, slightly melodramatic, and well narrated, mini documentaries about battles from the ancient and medieval world. And the overlord was correct, I am interested in watching them. It’s nerdy fun for me, as they do cover all of the lead up and logistics of the battles, which is something that is normally glossed over in other histories on the same subject. Now, all of these docs have an ad in them, which makes complete sense because somebody’s got to pay for this. I am not knocking these guys for having ads. Hell, I’m probably going to be doing the same thing very soon. What I find impressive about these ads is the seamlessness the voiceover artists have with going from talking about the battle to selling whatever product. It’s like, “Little did Caesar know that Pompey was setting a trap that would decide the future of the Roman Republic, just like how my future was decided when I began using Giglio Men’s Facial Regimen – I product I fully endorse, and suggest that you should try as well.” I tip my cap to these guys; they sell these products just as convincingly as they narrate the documentaries.

    Yeah, most guys don’t know how to grill. (I said, and I ain’t scared.) I have been talking to the wife about this lately because it’s summer, and grilling season, and some guy somewhere will grill some sort of meat for us, and it will be awful. And we will chew this grey piece of burnt bark while being regaled by this guy, telling us how great he is at grilling. Please, fellas, stop it. If you don’t know how to cook in a kitchen, what the fuck makes you think that you are amazing over a grill? It’s like all of the guys turn into the Hulk over the grill. “FIRE! SMASH!” Just… just stop. We, your friends, are begging you. Just stop.

    (Say, if you like what you read, then don’t forget to like, or share, or leave a comment. Every bit helps.)