Tag: #Meditation

  • Personal Review: Bluets by Maggie Nelson

    First of all, I am having trouble with getting motivated to work on my projects this week. Taking time to examine art that has influenced me has been helpful.

    And as such…

    Back at the start of 2016, I was in a world of professional turmoil. I had been promoted to a senior leadership position in a theatre company/school that was in the process of a slow painful death, that most people in the company were in denial about. I was ambitious and thought I could save the company, but by April of that year, it was clear to me that nothing could be done to save it. I was captain of a sinking ship. And at this time, I started to realize that what I was doing to pay the bills, had come to dominate my life, and pull me a million miles away from all the reasons I had moved to New York City in the first place; I didn’t come to run a company, I had to come to artistically create.

    In this state of feeling lost, I read a profile on the author Maggie Nelson. The article was in support of The Argonauts which had just won a National Book Award. When I read the profile, I identified with Maggie Nelson’s love of reading, and a curiosity for artistic expression as well as self-examination, and well, examination of everything. There was also a deep honesty from Nelson that was at once shocking, and revealing of how easily I could be shocked by honesty. Half way through the article, I knew that I need to read that book.

    I went over to the Barnes & Noble in Union Square, and when I got to where her books were, they only carried one of her’s; Bluets. Better to have something by Nelson, rather than nothing. I bought the very slim, blue book that was supposed to be poetry, but on the back of the book was listed as essay.

    What I got from Bluets was what I had been looking for but could never put my finger on. The book read like someone sharing the thoughts that come in and out of their head. Not early 20th century stream of conscious, but more like thoughts from in my head, like a monologue for the audience of me. Thoughts come, develop, repeat with revision, and are funny, and also melancholy. I keep going back to Bluets often. I love the structure, and the idea of meditation by using words on a theme that has no answer or conclusion. Nelson’s writing for me is more than honest, but feels like a living thing. Insight that welcomes me to sit and ponder along with her.

    It’s funny how the right thing shows up when things are going wrong.  

  • Parking Car Meditation

    Once a week, I sit in our car for about an hour and a half, waiting. Waiting for the street sweeper to go by, and also waiting for the traffic cop to stroll along as well. Most of the time, the sweeper comes through early, and all of us in our cars do a do-si-do, getting out of the way of the sweeper, and thus returning to our spots. Then we sit in our cars for the cop to stroll by and ticket the cars that didn’t move for the sweeper. You would think these two actions would happen in tandem to each other, but actually, they can be an hour between them. Hence, the sitting in the car.

    In this time of waiting, I have adopted the habit of reading the news off my phone, then an article or two from the latest New Yorker. I will end with writing in my journal, all the while listening to music, which to be honest, is now the only time that I have to listen to music.

    I have been doing this for close to a year now. Sometimes the wife takes a turn moving the car, but I would say that I take care of it 75% of the time. And in this time of taking care of the car, I have yet to see the same people each week. You would think since we all live in the same neighborhood, that I would at least see some repeat people.

    In all of this car sitting, I keep coming back to the same question; what do these people do for a living? I mean, we all have to have the ability to take an hour out of our mornings from 8:30am to 10am. For me, I’m unemployed/Stay at home parent, so that’s an easy answer. I am sure some of people are in the same boat as me. But even in normal times, people had jobs. What do they do with their lives?