Tag: Marriage

  • Flowers

    Tuesday, normally, I go grocery shopping for the family. I try to shop for the entire week, not that it always works out because I will forget something. To accomplish this errand, and try to save some money, I head to multiple stores, one of them being Trader Joe’s – specifically, the on one 93rd.

    Walking into the store this morning, I saw that the flowers they had out looked particularly colorful, and it had been awhile since I had got the wife flowers. They have those three-dollar bouquets, which are rather small, so I bought two of them. I made sure that each bouquets was made up of different types of flowers, so that I would bring home a variety.

    I did my shopping and when I was checking out the clerk looked at my two bouquets asked, “Are you in trouble?”

    And I was like, “They are for my wife, but she’s having a hard week.”

    “It’s Tuesday.”

    “Been that kind’a week.”

    My wife works very hard, is going back to school, and has to deal with me and a daughter who acts like me. And she is having shoulder pain, which she has seen the doctor about and it is getting better, but it’s still there. Constant pain, even low-grade pain, can take a toll on you and wear you down. And it’s a pain, that no matter how hard I try, I have no power the alleviate. The best I can do is help her relax, and try to make her as comfortable as possible.

    Today, I tried flowers to see if that would help.

  • Going to the Doctor

    This morning, my wife had a small procedure done to relieve the back pain she’s been experiencing for the last two months. I escorted her to the doctor’s office for the shot, and I did absolutely nothing, other than be her support spouse, helping her relax and be calm. Hopefully, the pain will go on its way, and she can start to return to the life style she is used to.

    And as I sat outside of the exam room, reading and waiting for my wife the emerge in a better state, it became apparent to me that we had entered a new stage in our lives together; accompanying each other to the doctor.

    Outside of when my wife was pregnant, as I wanted to be there for all of those appointments and experience the sonograms and updates on our child’s in utero development, we did involve the other with our health appointments. Before, going to see the doctor had been a solo experience; a chore to be done and not meant to burden the other partner because nothing bad was going to happen – it was all routine.

    Now, we are in the age of being nervous of what might happen, or I need help getting home after, or I need you there when I find out the result.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Worst Week, Worster Week, Worstist Week, and I Quit

    So, the week started off bad with the Cowboys choking, but at least the Eagles collapse was a much bigger story. One might say that there was little solace in that fact, but they would be wrong – I really enjoyed watching the Eagles lose to Tampa Bay. I am pissed about the Cowboys, but this will be the last I write about it. Just can’t believe that no one showed up to play on that team. Sure, every year I think they will win the Super Bowl (that’s how I was raised) yet in a realistic sense, I thought for sure they would make it to the Conference Championship, and then lose to San Francisco or Detroit; whoever made it there. But enough of that.

    Then my wife hurt her back on Monday.  Now, she is one tough woman, and I have been doing my best to comfort her, but there is nothing I can do to take her pain away. It’s a pretty helpless situation to be in, and that goes for both of us. Slowly she’s been getting her mobility back, but it has been rough going. The whole week got shot to hell for both of us, so it feels like we are running behind, too. I know she will be better soon, and we will get thing back on track, but it’s just frustrating.

    And then the kid had a big test at school that she was positive that she wasn’t going to do well on. It’s a reading and writing test, and she’s not wrong, she is having trouble with writing her thoughts down. Part of this is left over effects from Covid causing school closings, and this is the educational crack she fell into. And unfortunately, many other kids did as well. I helped her prep for the test this week, and she can comprehend and do the work, but she just doesn’t have much confidence in herself when it comes to the test. This was another place that I felt very helpless this week. I was trying to encourage her, build up her confidence, and I even used sports metaphors about how you have to believe and expect to win first, then put in the hard work to be successful. I don’t know… We haven’t got the results yet on the test, so it’s agonizing waiting to hear how she did.

    Finally, to shit out my week, I learned yesterday that a good friend of mine from college died suddenly the night before. There was no warning… they were here and then they weren’t. Logically, it’s been twenty years since I was in college, and unfortunately these things will happen now. That’s a meaningless thing to say because logic in these situations never makes anyone feel better. I hadn’t seen them in close to eighteen years. I hadn’t spoken to them in, like, fifteen years. Hadn’t communicated with them in five, and the last interaction we had was about five months ago when we “liked” each other’s pictures. Just thought there would be one more chance. Like the next time I was in Texas, I would head out to the theatre they worked at, and I would see them. And they would be friendly and kind, and hug, because they were kind. The kindest. They were especially kind to me when I was new in the theatre department, and didn’t know anything. They were kind to help me then, and as I see the tributes on social media, I am hearing again about their kindness, and how wonderful they were to everyone.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Caroling, Sweaters, and Oh Dolly!

    (I Still Want My Hula-Hoop!)

    Does anyone go caroling at Christmas time? When was the last time you remember seeing carolers walking around your neighborhood? Honestly, for me, 1982 or 1983. It’s a fuzzy memory, but I feel like when we moved to Texas from Alabama, which would be 1983, that there were a group of people who wandered around our neighborhood. I mean, we lived in a subdivision outside of Dallas, and winter in Texas is like 45 degrees at night, so it wasn’t a rough experience being outside. I want to say it was a church group, no shock there, right? The other thing I remember is that it meant a lot to my mother. I guess it was something that happened back in her childhood of the 50’s in small town Illinois.

    I just got word from LL Bean that the sweater that I ordered for Christmas has been delayed and I won’t receive it until after the New Year. I did wait to order the thing, and my pause is my downfall. I say all of this not because I am slowly beginning to dress like a guy who lives in the Vermont woods, but because the wife and I just buy our own gifts. I mean, we will still shop for each other, a little, but on the whole, we just go out and buy what we’d like for Christmas. Sure, sometimes we give each other a list, and shop off of that. Yet, it’s just easier to buy what we want, wrap it up, say it’s from the other, and act very surprised on Christmas morning. Sure, the “surprise” part is gone, but the satisfaction of getting what you want, and not have to exchange anything, is rather rewarding.

    If you don’t have “Hard Candy Christmas” on your Holiday playlist, you really are missing out.

  • Short Story Review: “The True Margaret” by Karan Mahajan

    (The short story “The True Margaret” by Karan Mahajan appeared in the August 14th, 2023 issue of The New Yorker.)

    Photograph by Eliza Bourner for The New Yorker

    “The True Margaret” by Karan Mahajan, is an interesting short story, which ultimately is a well-crafted piece of fiction, yet I never found myself engrossed by it. The story has a great opening paragraph, which is compelling, but what follows is a deliberate plodding paced story that never rises in intensity, even as the climax approaches. As I finished the story, I liked it, but I was left feeling unsatisfied. I will say this; I do recommend reading this story.

    All the pieces are here for an effective short story. It is set in the past of 1959 London. An arranged marriage, an Indian bride brought 5,000 miles from her home. The adjustment to a new city and culture. The shadow of colonialism, patriarchy, class, and sexism. Questions about the idea of freedom being a reality or an illusion. How threats grow larger and more diabolical in our minds as we dwell on them. The duality of one’s nature. The courage to escape one’s situation, and a resolution that delivers our protagonist to a safer place, but not a rewarding place. There is a lot going on here, and it is all brought up in a natural way, never feeling forced.

    And still, I couldn’t shake the feeling of not being satisfied with the ending. Finally, I had to come to the conclusion that this ending was the point. That the plodding pace was there to help illustrate this point. Doing the right thing, breaking the mold, saving yourself doesn’t mean you get the happy ending – it only means you survived to live another day. And even if you get years beyond that incident, to where it doesn’t necessarily feel real anymore, it sometime can never be forgotten, or forgiven.