Tag: Ma

  • Mom and Dad’s Wedding Anniversary

    Today would have been my parent’s 58th Wedding Anniversary. My Ma passed away five years ago, and as we close in on October, it will soon be six years. Normally, I rarely remembered my parents anniversary as it felt a little weird to me to celebrate their anniversary, but at the same time, I should celebrate their anniversary because without it, I wouldn’t be here. Point being that it was not foremost on my mind, and my Ma usually reminded me when it was coming up.

    Their 50th Wedding Anniversary was a big deal, for more than the obvious reasons. Me and my brothers, wives included, threw a big dinner for them. Friends and relatives came in to help celebrate, and me and my little family snuck in town, and surprised my parents. It was great time; great food, great drinks, great stories. It was great, and a wonderful celebration of two very wonderful people who were filled with love, and gave some much love back to the world.

    I had forgotten today was their anniversary. Just about two hours ago, when I looked at the calendar on my computer, did I see the reminder.

    I talked to my Dad yesterday, we had a great conversation, but it didn’t come up. I’m not prone to remember these things, and I wouldn’t expect my father to say anything.

    He still has his wedding ring on. When we were home last, I made a point to check to see if he still had it. Sure did. And why would he take it off.

    There are so many days that trigger memories of my mother. Today is one of them, clearly. But a couple of days ago, it was my eighteenth anniversary of moving from Texas to New York, and that is a date that I am very proud of. And as I thought about my move, I remembered my Ma hugging me and crying as I left for the airport. And at my niece’s wedding this Summer, couldn’t help but wonder how Ma would have reacted to seeing her granddaughter getting married.

    My family doesn’t talk too much about missing Ma. It’s very much understood that we all miss her, and that won’t ever go away. Where we are now is telling funny stories and fond memories when we all get together. Don’t get me wrong, we are all still working through our grief, as that will be a long process. But, talking about her isn’t painful anymore.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Slipping on Ice, How’s Your Colon?, and Call Your Mom

    (Look for the silver lining)

    I had to do the Alt Side Parking dance this morning. You know, move the car out of the way for the street sweeper. Also, if you didn’t hear, we had a real snow storm on Tuesday. Though most of it’s gone, what’s left is the snow that melted and then refroze. So there are patches of ice everywhere. And as I was walking to my car this morning, I stepped on a patch. I lost my balance for a second but was able to catch myself and stop from falling. To do this, I had the yelp in a frightened manner and wave my arms around. The point here is that I didn’t fall though I might have looked silly. And I know this because a guy driving by rolled down his window to yell, “We all saw you almost bite it!” New Yorkers will never miss an opportunity to bust someone’s balls. Ahh.. it was funny. I laughed it off and the guy wishes me a good morning.

    I have now reached the age where friends are not only starting to post pictures about their pets and kids, but also on how they have to go get colonoscopies. I mean, when you reach a certain age, you should get it checked out, so I don’t view this as oversharing. More like Gen-X is ready to take on cancer.

    She’d like to hear from you.

  • The Ebbs and Flow of Christmas Time (Unedited)

    Christmas time is here again, just in case you didn’t know.

     

    The year has flown by. The tree is up, and we are getting ready to start doing all of the Holiday stuff. You know, shopping, wrapping gift, baking cookies, seeing friends. The usual. And I do enjoy celebrating Christmas in New York City. For all the things this City is famous for, it really is a Holiday Town.

     

    It’s taken awhile for Christmas to start feeling fun again for me after the passing of my Ma. The absence of a parent during this time of year seems to hammer home the void that has been left. I think I have been doing a good job with trying to keep Christmas fun for the kid, and I do worry that my sorrow and mourning might affect her enjoyment of the Season. I think I have succeeded in this effort.

     

    I can also admit that slowly, year by year, the joy of Christmas has started to slowly return to me. It’s still not the same, and certain things, traditions, still don’t ring true as they used to. But now, I feel the kid’s excitement of this time of year, and that is a replenishing feeling that helps alleviate the experience of loss.

     

    And that is where I am now. I miss my mother, and I know that my Christmas will never feel the way they did when she was around, and that’s okay. My Christmas now is about my family, and making the kid have memories, and building something new on top of the love that was shared with me.

  • Edgy

    I guess it was this weekend, that I started to notice that I was getting edgy. The wife refers to it as “being feisty” because I find reasons to argue over little things. It’s not like they are real arguments, more like just contradictory comments – never ending comments. Either way, it gets on people’s nerves.

    And it first, I don’t know why everything is rubbing me the wrong way. I have a twitch in my eye and jaw, FYI. Then I look at the calendar and see that on Saturday it’s been five years since my mom’s passing.

    Now it makes sense.

    After my mom passed, I remember reading an essay about how the author was dealing with their grief, and how the week of their parent’s passing, they would find themselves angry, and lashing out. They knew why they were doing it, and even though they tried to stop it, they couldn’t.

    I feel like that. I feel I should know better, and not do it, but also, doing it feels correct.

    What I was surprised by was forgetting, or a better phrase to use would be, not remembering that my mom’s passing was coming. A little of it was avoiding the anniversary. Another bit was that I actually forgot. I went into October thinking about Fall, leaves, gourds, apple picking, and Halloween. Like you should. This was the first year where October didn’t mean “mom’s death.”

    But sub-consciously, I did know. Maybe it wasn’t at the forefront of my mind, but it was rattling around back there. It was always be there, and that’s okay.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Eyes – A Follow Up, NFL Schedule Release Videos, Up and Running, Mother’s Day

    (Education is Social Justice)

    Earlier this week, I talked about going to the eye doctor to get a new prescription for glasses. I also mentioned my thin-skinned-vanity about not wanted to get bifocals just yet. Well, I did not get prescribed bifocals. The Optometrist suggested that I get readers, and also gave me a prescription for that. So, I think I split the difference here. I don’t need bifocals, but I no longer can see close, nor far away.

    I didn’t know this was a thing, but I should have known it was a thing. When NFL teams release their schedules for the upcoming season, they make a little video for it. Makes sense as everyone releases a video for everything. Most are okay, but two stood out for me. First was the Chicago Bears which was a take-off on the show “The Bear.” (And if you haven’t watched The Bear, do it!) The other one that made me laugh out loud was the Tennessee Titans asking people on the street to identify other team logos.

    The A/C’s are up and running in the apartment. Summer has officially begun!

    Mother’s Day is this Sunday. Call your mom. Don’t text, actually call. And if you can, give her a visit. The wife and mother of my kid wants to go to a yoga class and have lobster rolls. I think I can do that for her. And let her know that we love her. Which is what mom’s want. That and visit more.