Tag: Life

  • Can’t Stop Watching the News (Unedited)

    I have been fighting very hard to not live in an echo chamber. Though it does feel like the whole world is out to get more, or at least push me into a corner. Trying to stay balanced is tricky, because as we all know, if you search too much of one subject, the Algorithm thinks that’s what you want to see all the time. Or, as a friend pointed out to me, our TVs are listening to us now, so I try to watch what I say around the set, as to not send the wrong message to the AI Overlords.

    I say all of this because the midterm elections are three weeks away, and I am getting anxious about the possible outcomes. I’m not sure I can put my whole faith in the coming “Blue Tsunami” as it might just end up being a “Blue Drop.” Having grown up in Texas, and first hand witnessing that state change from Blue to the deepest of reds, I have a hard time believing that anyone with a D next to their name is going to win a state wide election there. (If Jesus was running with a D, he’d lose in a landslide to an R Satan.) And I can’t shake the feelings that there will be Trump shenanigans the day after the election; claims of voter fraud, and court cases, and attempts to seize votes, or claim that certain winners should be sworn in and seated. You know, normal Trump stuff.

    All this makes me anxious, anxious, anxious.

    I will say this; I do believe that just about everybody (70% or so) is fed up with the state of politics in this country. From government not working, to affordability, to healthcare, to people no longer being civil to each other – I do think people are ready, and yearning for things to change. And change for the better. A change that moves us forward. Not one party over the other, but getting back to having faith in each other and working together.

    Only the hardest core of each side enjoys the state we’re in, and I dare say they only enjoy it because they are profiting off of it. The rest of us? I think we’d like to have a friendly debate, and then compromise on a solution.

    You know; the way it’s supposed to be.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Getting Started, Oh Tottenham, and Bloody Mary Brunch

    (Forgetting her’s the nature of my flight…)

    Boy, do I suck and starting something new. And I also suck at just getting back to good habits. I say this because I have found a way to completely, and in the most air-tight form of rationalization, not go to the gym for a month. Even this morning, I was ready to not go to the gym, and I made sure that I did not go. Do I feel good about this decision? Absolutely not. Will I go to the gym on Monday? Odds are that I will not. Yes, indeed; I have found a way to squander the entire month of September. To a degree, I have impressed myself. You may think that this is easy to do, but it is not. Okay, okay, okay… Tuesday of next week; I’m going to the gym.

    Wow! Tottenham Hotspur sucks this season. Really sucks. They suck in a way I thought was impossible to suck. There was no way they could get worse than last season. No, no, they found a way. And they spent a shit ton of money, and somehow they suck even more! They are at the bottom. Completely at the bottom of the Premiere League table. Sitting at #20, with two points. Incidentally, their two points is equal to as many goals they have scored this season. Just… wow. Now, as a Cubs fan (and the Cubbies did get eliminated from the playoffs recently) I know what it’s like for your team to be at the bottom. And normally I would say that there is only one direction, and that’s up! But in the Premiere League, there is relegation, so we might not have hit bottom yet.

    Saturday, I have brunch plans, which sounds fancy, and a little pretentious… All of that is true. But it also means morning/day drinking in a very socially acceptable way. Happy weekend to all, and to all a good drunken afternoon nap.

  • I’m back from fishin’ (Unedited)

    In reality, I was traveling to Texas to visit my family, especially my father. See, back on Labor Day, while my dad was staying with my brother and his family, my father had an angina episode. Though scary as all hell, it wasn’t a heart attack, and he is fine. He’ll have some follow ups with his doctor and cardiologist, but on the whole, he’s fine. I was staying with him for the week, to make sure that he took it easy and recovered. Besides, I like spending time with my dad. And I got to see my whole Texas family, so considering what had happened, it actually was a pretty good trip.

    Before the trip, it was awful. I got a call from my brother saying that Dad was having chest pains and they were taking him to the hospital. My brothers and sisters-in-law did a great job of keeping me and my family in the loop on what was going on, but being 1,500 miles away, all that it created in me was a feeling of powerlessness. Cheering on from afar, but knowing there was nothing I could do other than get on a plane.

    Funny how there are still instances and situations that I can find myself in that just smack me down to feeling like a helpless child.

    Though I told myself no to go there, not to think those thoughts; I did. I thought of living in a world without my father. To exist orphaned, no parents, lost and adrift. So what if I am middle aged? My folks are supposed to be here forever.

    But I already lost my mother. It will be six years this October. I can feel the gloom building in me as I get closer to that date. It’s not as bad as it was. I’m healing, learning to remember all the things that made her a wonder mom, and all the quirky weird stuff that she did that made her uniquely our mother.

    Just not ready to lose my father.

    And I haven’t, for which I am thankful. Still got some more time to make him laugh.

  • Just Some General Bitching (Unedited)

    I’m having a hard time getting myself motivated. To do anything, really.

    Doesn’t help that I got two rejections in the last twenty-four hours. But this is part of the gig; Lots of rejection, and trying to not let it get to you. I’m at the point now where I am beginning to think that the story really isn’t that great. Or it needs a rewrite. Or maybe I just need to burn it and rid it’s presence from my life.

    The other thing is that I have spent the past hour catching up on my flash reading. I subscribe to a large number of online journals who email out flash fiction, and I have fallen behind of late, or the whole Summer. Anyway, I’m trying to get on top of it, and see what is worth reviewing. Nothing has been peaking my interest, and I started to think maybe it’s not the fiction, but me. Maybe my head isn’t in the right space for this.

    Time to take a break.

    More like changing gears, because here I am working on the blog. I have to get in my 1,000 words a day. (You know, it’s not so much writing as it is typing, and I think somewhere Truman Capote is laughing with me.) The only way to get better at something is practice. Practice! PRACTICE!

    As I sit here, I remember once, maybe back in college or sometime in my past, there was this writer complaining how much they hated blogs and bloggers. They said it was useless writing as all bloggers do is bitch about things in badly written ways. I don’t think writer was totally wrong.

    Yet, I feel that someone needs to sit down here and take a stand to say that some writing should just bitching, complaints, and listing of grievances. Isn’t bitching a form of expression?

    Sure, it would be better if I could string this expression in a clear narrative form, that has a well-defined beginning, middle, and end – with that end being a wonderful conclusion the initial thought. That would be nice and clean and concise.

    But life is messy and not clean, and sometimes this human experience is muddy, and gross, and undefined and rough and jagged. And uses bad grammar and has typos or type-o’s, or however one would spell that word.

    Sometimes you just got to get it off your chest to move on. And sometimes you want to scream into the void that a blog. A testament, a covenant that this moment existed, and was real, and had a value to no one else other than the person who wrote it.

    There you go.

  • A Summer Rainy Day Does Me No Good

    I have chores, like every day of my life, which I feel compelled to complete first before I can go out and work on the things that are important to me. There are holes to this system, other people have pointed it out to me, but I will argue on the whole it works. Every system can be improved, but what I have gets the job done.

    Except when it’s a rainy day. Like a full, gray cloudy sky day, when it feels like rain, smells like rain, and keeps raining. Summer rainy days are the worst. It’s all hot and humid outside, so it doubly makes me not want to go outside. (Autumn and Spring rainy days are at least classic, and charming. They make you want to stay inside and read.) There is very little enjoyment in going out in a hot sticky humid gross smelly Summer rainy day.

    Today was a Summer rainy day, and though the calendar says September 1st, the start of the Autumnal months, it is still Summer out. The air conditioner is still running, and will be for a week or two more.

    But I did my running around in the rain. Shopped groceries for the family, which meant that I was running up and down, all over Harlem, hitting up three different stores to get everything that we need for the week. I got a little wet, nothing awful, but I had on a raincoat, which was just an extra layer on top of an already icky day – the end result was that I was sweating while getting rained on.

    Now, I have earned my goal and have returned to the end of the couch to work on my work, and even get some reading in. Now, the rain out the window feels appropriate, and fairly measured.