Tag: Learning

  • School Days

    As we get closer to the end of Summer, all of my focus begins to move towards getting the kid ready for school. For the past few years, she attended a local neighborhood public school, and even though we loved our school, the wife and I decided that our daughter needed to attend a different school that would better meet her needs.

    I say all of this because today was Orientation Day for the new school, and we were up and out, bright and early, on this late Summer morning.

    I clearly love my kid very much, but one of the things I am most proud about her is that she is unafraid to try new things. When I was her age, anything that changed my predictable pattern scared the shit out of me, and is still an issue I deal with today. But not my kid – she sees the new school as a chance to make new friends, try new things, learn new stuff – it’s all exciting to her.

    As with this Orientation, the kids went in one direction to find their classrooms and meet their teachers, and the parents went to the auditorium to get a Power Point presentation. (I don’t mean to sound like I am mocking, I’m not. It was a well-done presentation.) But we still had to sit and wait, as there were a good number of new parents and kids to this school, and processing all of us wasn’t a quick or easy task.

    I sat in the middle back of the auditorium, and I have always sat in the middle back in any theatre or auditorium I have even had the chance to select my seat. I’m pretty sure I started doing this in high school, nearly thirty years ago. I had read once that seat selection says something about you psychological make up.

    Not sure I believe it, but let’s say it’s true. So, the type A’s sit on the front row, and the bad kids are in the back. The people who don’t want to be noticed sit in the middle, and the people who don’t want to be there sit on the isle. (I think my selection says that I want to be “bad” but also not get noticed.) According to this group of parents – almost everyone didn’t want to be noticed, a handful were type A, not that many people on the isles, and I didn’t look behind me, so I don’t know how many “bad kids” were there.

    What I did see was a very diverse crowd of parents. None of us looked the same, and we all did look rather tired for being up that early. It’s one of the aspects of living in NYC that I enjoy, and I know will benefit my kid, which is that she has and will continue to go to school with kids that different from her, and they all will help each other broaden their horizons. Also, this was a room full of dedicated parents, which is something that we all had in common – we want what’s best for our kids.

  • Not the Dream I Wanted

    I don’t remember my dreams. Or, it’s very rare that I remember a dream. When I do remember one, what sticks with me is an image, or a feeling. People and places will be there, but it’s like everything is frozen in a moment that I am very much aware has events that happened before this frozen moment, and sometimes, I even know what will happen after. It’s all very strange.

    The rarest dream that I have is the full-blown narrative, and interaction with people. That’s what happened to me last night. And it was awful.

    I dreamed about people I used to work with, and not the friendly and good people who became my friends. No, I dreamt about all the awful people that I didn’t get along with, or who went out of their way to make my employment as unenjoyable as possible. In this dream, I was holding open a door to a church so people could enter. And then all of my former co-workers showed up, and refused to go through the door I was holding open. They didn’t say anything to me, just made eye contact, and then went to a different door. The overwhelming feeling I was getting was that when I went to work on Monday, I was going to get fired.

    Yeah, it was a terrible dream, and what made the dream worse was when I woke up, I thought the dream was real, and I had to get up and go to that job. It took a second for me to come out of it, knowing that I didn’t have an office to report to, but that feeling of dread and anxiety has been hung all over me this morning.

    Dread and anxiety is what I felt when I went into the office most days. Some of it was caused by the people I worked with, who starred in my dream. But, most of it was caused by me. Most days, as I packed myself on a subway car, listening to music and reading The Times or New Yorker on my phone – doing my best to shut out the world on my commute – I would wonder if this would be another day wasted? That if this was a job that was slowly killing me; sucking out my ambition and drive and all the reasons why I wanted to move away from home and try something different. As I get more space and time to reflect on my office days, I can see that some of the issues I had were me not being happy with the situation I placed myself in. Don’t get me wrong – the shitty people were still shitty people, but I allowed them to get to me for far too long.

    But that’s the point of reflection, right? To learn lessons from your own life and actions. What I now know is that when I sense those feelings of dread and anxiety, I need to get the hell out of that situation. Odds are that I will return to an office one day, and if I do, I know the warning signs to watch out for.

    That’s progress.

    But I can’t figure out why I was at a church in the dream…

  • Happily Discovering Erik Satie

    Of all the things I have experienced in my life, the one I miss the most is the joy, wonder and excitement of learning. The last time I really felt it continuously was back in college, twenty years ago, when I would be in a class, and some new concept or idea would be presented to me, and that feeling would come over me, and it was like a door being unlocked, or that I was closer to putting my arms around a knowable world. It was such a fun, butterflies in the stomach feeling. A sweet and innocent feeling, one that seemed to be experienced daily in grade school, yet as time picked up speed in the vessel of my life, the frequency decreased. Was the cup of my mind filling, or was my tabula rasa becoming cluttered?

    And then, oddly, quite unexpected, something will come along that will jolt that old feeling. Like noodling around Spotify, and coming upon Erik Satie, and that wonder of learning comes over me once again; Why hello old friend, I haven’t felt you in such a long time. I don’t know why Satie has inspired me in this matter, but it is where I am, and I know enough to not question it.

    You know, Erik Satie, the French pianist composer. I think I have must come by his music at one point in my life. I have a vague feeling that I was involved in a puppet show that used his music. Whatever the case, I find myself trying in engage in as much of his music as possible, and also to learn as much about his as possible. And the more I learn; I feel like I should have known about him earlier. I am aware of the people he considered to be his friends and contemporaries in music and art, so I must have seen his name before.

    Right?