Tag: Heat

  • Autumn Memories, Sort of (Unedited)

    There is a serious Autumn chill in the air today, and it’s awesome. This was the first day that I could put on a button-down shirt, and a sweater, and a coat. Leaves are changing color in the City, and it’s getting darker earlier. My wife loves this time of year because we can leave the bedroom window cracked, making it all chilly in there, and sleep under all the comforters. (But I hate Pumpkin spice, so don’t get me started on that shit.) For a guy who loves Fall, this was like Heaven.

    As a kid growing up in Texas, Autumn didn’t start until November. And even then we had a couple of Thanksgivings were we had to run the air conditioner – not that it stopped my father from building a fire in the fireplace. Usually, by Halloween, it started to noticeably cool down at night, so you’d have to put on a sweater ort a coat. Maybe the leaves would just start changing color. I do remember several Halloweens where we were sweating while Trick or Treating. Depending on what your costume was, this could make the evening a very sweaty affair.

    Sadly, Fall in Texas was not a long season. As soon as it started, a month later it was December, and full on Texas winter. All the leaves had fallen, and it was a chilling 50 degrees out. Basically, you had one month to get all you Autumnal fun in.

    And then by March, it was Spring, and warm again.

  • ODDS and ENDS: HEATWAVE!, England, and Pools

    (Tried to give you consolation…)

    It’s hot in New York. That evil Heat Dome, which normally sits over Texas and the Southwest this time of year, has parked itself on the Northeast. High heat and humidity, and everything in the City feels like it’s melting. In all honesty, this weather is about two weeks early, but what is missing is the rain that should follow every five to seven days. The dome is stopping any Canadian cold fronts from coming in, which makes the heat feel unending. I have been trying to run away from Texas summers for the past twenty years, but they keep finding me. I thought we’d have to make to New England to escape this, but now, we may have to head farther north. Like the Pole…

    So, England is playing inconsistently at the Euro Cup and the British press and fans are losing their minds! Are the expectations too high? Oh, you bet’cha! Is England still in a strong position to break out of the Group Stage? Of course they are. It’s not that bad. But I will say, the England team doesn’t look very unified out there, in the sense that they don’t look like they are executing a game plan. There is still time to correct this, so don’t give up the ship yet… But this might be Southgate’s last tournament if England doesn’t do something spectacular.

    I’d like to swim in a pool right now. That’s it.

  • ODDS and ENDS: It’s Summer, Career Day, and Old Ladies

    (Remain in the light, please.)

    We are running the air conditioner in the apartment now, which means it’s officially Summer for us. Sure it would be nice to jump into a pool, do some grilling, and drink a beer and watch the Cubs play. I took my shorts out of storage, and also took my ghost white legs out as well. Looking forward to awkward farmer-esk tan lines, and getting a sunburn on the top if my head. It’s not all bad. Summer does mean travel, and fun, and camp, and mini golf, and disc golf, and road trips, and seeing family and friends. I am not a fan of the heat, but I am looking froward to this Summer

    It’s Career Day at my kids school, which means that the students can come to class dressed up as their future careers. My daughter decided that her future career will be as an artist. I asked, what does an artist wear? Her answer; Whatever I want.

    They’re destroying New York City. Yes, little old ladies. They have no respect for anyone, are rude, obnoxious, and give their opinions when no one is asking for it. They’ll hit you with their canes and granny carts, and dare you to do something. But we all know that no one will do anything to a little old lady. Those old ladies are untouchable in this town, and they all know it, and use it against the rest of us. We are being held hostage in our own home. I’m not kidding. In every borough, the old ladies are the worst.

  • ODDS and ENDS: The New Summer, NYC Summer Smell, and Hungry All the Time

    (Clever One-Liner!)

    It’s hot. And not only that, its steamy, too. Not the good, Faulkner Southern Gothic steamy, but the awful humidity life sucks steamy. I’m not a big fan of Summer, and I am even a smaller fan of heat, but when it comes to Summer heat – I hate it. I grew up in Texas, and about my junior year in high school, I had enough. I was going to live up north. I’d rather freeze in Winter than melt in Summer. I had no idea how hot and steamy NYC gets in Summer. Honestly, someone should be out there telling tourists and perspective residents how bad July and August can be in The City. Sure, if you have a half a brain, you’d notice that NYC sits on a bay and well… you know… humidity follows. The thing is that now, just about the whole country, if not the world, lives in this awful extreme heat and humidity now. And it’s not going away, or getting fixed for a very, very long time. Its rather depressing that this is the world that my kid, and yours, is about to inherit – weather that is unbearable to live in. I still hold out hope that we can fix this, but if we can’t… People are going to start moving north and Canada could start having immigration issues from all of these illegal Americans.

    Say, did you know that New York City’s Official Summer Smell used to be wet garbage on a sidewalk. Well, not anymore! NYC’s new Official Summer Smell is Pot Smoke! You can’t go ten feet in this town without being hit by the smell of weed this Summer. Hey, I’m for legalization, but holy crap! It’s like the entire City is getting high. Right Now!

    I don’t know what’s going on with me, but for the past three days, I have been hungry all the time. When I say that, I don’t mean that I feel the urge to have a snack. I mean that I feel like I have been working all day and that I am starving for lunch or dinner. And no matter how much I eat; I never feel satisfied. Back in college, me and my roommate used to call this phenomena “Ravenous Days.” I don’t know what causes it, and eating doesn’t seem to solve it.

  • The Heat

    I hate hot weather, in general. Sure, on vacation, down near a beach, warm weather is pleasant and fun to be in. Having a little sweat near a pool or the ocean is always acceptable. But what I am talking about is my despisement for hot weather.

    Though I was born in Illinois, I spent most of my childhood, and the early part of my twenties in Texas, which is a place known for hot weather, in case you having been living under a rock, which is a nice place to cool down in Texas. Summer does last from May to, sometimes, the start of October. When I was a kid, it didn’t bother me, it just was what it was – Summer is the hot time of the year. As I got up to high school, the heat really started to bother me, and when I got to my twenties, I hated the heat. The odd thing was that in my twenties, I was doing outdoor theatre in the Texas Summer. Somehow I was okay with that, but I think that had to do with the amount of beer I was drinking.

    Living in New York has been an improvement, though not an escape from the heat. Oh, it’s not as hot here, but living on the water means we get the added bonus of humidity. That is what makes July and August awful up here. Everything is sticky, and the City smells worse for some reason. The silver lining is that by September, things do begin to cool down.

    I say all of this because we have just started the Summer of 2023. The kid’s off of school, and we still have a few weeks to kill before camp and vacations start. Right now, we are all squatting in front of air conditioners, trying not to move, like splooting squirrels.

    I don’t think there is any hope for a person like me on this planet. Things keep getting warmer, and I don’t know how far north I want to move. I think about Vermont and New Hampshire, but the locals there keep telling me that most people can’t handle the winters. Sure, I know they are out to scare the New Yorkers from moving to their state, and mission accomplished. I don’t want to shovel your feet of snow, New England. I just would like a cool place to stay for the Summer.