Tag: #Happy

  • Sunday Serenity

    I had a very strange feeling come over me this past Sunday. It wasn’t a special Sunday by any stretch. We did things that we normally did. The wife and I were up at 7:30, and the kid rolled out of her room at 8. We watched Sunday Today, then at 9 we switched over to Sunday Morning. The wife made pancakes, and I walked the dog. We ate breakfast on the couch watching the interview with Liza Minnelli. When Sunday Morning was over, the kid disappeared into her room to play while the wife and I watched the last thirty minutes of This Week, and then at 11 changed over to hate-watch Meet the Press. Then at 11:30, we put a John Coltrane radio playlist on the speakers, while we started to clean the apartment.

    And while I was cleaning the kitchen, this feeling of peacefulness came over me. I felt secure and happy, which is something that I hadn’t felt in a long time. There wasn’t anything magical or profound happening other that the weekly routine that we follow on a Sunday. It was also a feeling of satisfaction.

    If I was being cynical, then I would say that as I have gotten older, my expectations have fallen, and basic and easily completed tasks have taken on an outweighed significance in my life.

    That is possible.

    Or, it could be that family life has become rewarding in its simplicity. Not that I have stopped being ambitious, or striving for a better day, but I think I have enough perspective to see that in my current state, I do have something special and worthwhile.

    Maybe it was the reward of honest work, which has an honest reward in providing a safe, clean home for my family.

    Maybe my attitude toward life has been slowly changing, and only now is it registering.

  • Thanksgiving

    2020 has been a shit filled dumpster on fire, floating down a river.

    And for my family, we have had a tough three years for that matter. Moves, job loss, pandemic, family tragedy, the 2020 election, but we are still here. We are still planning for tomorrow, still dreaming, still trying to make life better for our kid.

    My Grandma used to tell me, “You gotta have goals. Gotta have something to look forward to.” The wife and I have latched onto that idea; working toward something. Not that we think that everything will go back to normal, or that in three months everything will be better. We just know that we are working toward a better someday, and that’s about as realistic as we can get.

    And in that sense, there have been a few good things. I have spent so much great quality time with my daughter. I am watching her learn how to read, and write her first sentences, and see that spark of learning in her eye. That’s something real, and honest, and wonderful to experience. In this year, I have been able to rekindle my love of writing, and the creative process. Also in this year of insanity, I have watched my wife take on more than she thought she was capable of, and come out on the other end more confidant and successful. I am amazed by her. I feel that we still do make a great team, and I think I love her more than the day I told her I loved her on 14th street in front of Trader Joe’s way back in 2007.

    This was not a great year, but I still have my family who is healthy, my great friends who I miss and can’t wait to see again, and I still have my hope in things getting better.

    Happy Thanksgiving Everybody

  • Sleep

    I never said I was smart, but I have always hoped I would be one day.

    With all the changes that have come my way in the past year, I have noticed two major developments:

    1. I don’t sleep well
    2. I have put on 20 lbs.

    There are other things that have changed, and not necessarily for the better, but I have these two are the most important, should be addressed relatively soon, and interconnected.

    My sleep problems have become more severe over the year, I am up later, and I find my self mindlessly eating. (Ice cream and chips are my biggest weakness.) If I were to sleep better, then I wouldn’t be eating at 2am, right? That seems simple. I should be able to address this easily.

    And you can figure out that I haven’t been able to get my arms around this.

    I had been thinking that I don’t have enough time to get all the things done that I desire to do. I even said that to myself the other day as I ate chocolate ice cream and watched “Drunk History.”

    That’s when it started to dawn on me; it’s not the lack of time, it’s the bad management of time.

    There is a psychological factor here. Planning out my sleep, and all the other things in my life doesn’t feel fun, or spontaneous.

    But is being out of shape and having no energy, and watching my life pass me by fun and spontaneous?

    This will be a long slow process of getting my life back on track. I will have lots of setbacks, and screw ups, but when I woke up today, I had to admit that the way I am living now isn’t making me happy.