Tag: Friends

  • Spending the Night

    The kid is at the age of “Peek Sleepovers.” Such as, the success or failure of a weekend can be determined if a sleepover occurs, regardless if the sleepover is a success or not. The kid has taken part in a few “slumber birthday parties,” and a weekend away with a friend whose family has a place out of the City. I do use the term “Peek” not only because the kid is super excited about having a sleepover, but also because the kids are still at the age where they will go to bed at a relatively decent hour, so we can all get some sleep. Once they get to middle school age, then it turns into staying up all night and watching movies, and there is no guarantee that I or the wife will be able to get any rest. But, as of now, the kid is happy, and that makes everyone happy.

    There other thing that I am happy for is that the kid has no issues with spending the night and being away from us. Not all kids are like that.

    I wasn’t – I went through phases though. When I was little, I had no problem sleeping over. Then somewhere around nine, it began to bother me being away from home. Like the first few hours would be fine, then all of a sudden, a feeling of dread came over me, like I would never see my family again, or ever be happy. I know that I was feeling home sick, and that’s natural, but the feeling was so controlling and paralyzing, and the only thing I could think of was getting home. And then when I got home, I was overcome with shame, that I didn’t have the courage of strength to spend the night, and, you know, be a normal kid. When friends would invite me over to spend the night, I would come up with excuses why I couldn’t.

    Then, it just all went away. The fear, the anxiety, all of it was just gone. I remember it was 6th grade, and I was over at my friend David’s house with some other kids. We all stayed for dinner, and then his parents said if we wanted to spend the night we could. There clearly was a bit of it was peer pressure to stay over, but also, I didn’t get that sinking feeling in my stomach. I remember calling my parents to ask if I could stay, and my mother asking me over and over and over if I was sure I wanted to do this. I said that I was, and then not thinking about it again. I ran home and grabbed some clothes and a sleeping bag, and I was just excited to hang out with friends, and stay up all night.

    I think we watched “Let’s Get Harry” on Cinemax because we thought it was a dirty movie. It’s not a dirty movie, it’s just a really bad and dull movie.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Lunch with Friends, TJ’s in Harlem, and Camp Letters

    (Yes I do, my bag is full…)

    The wife and I had a good friend come in from out of town yesterday, and we all went to lunch. I had this thought, more like an understanding, which was that this wouldn’t just be lunch – this would be a hang out. And I was correct. We grabbed lunch, and then headed back to our place, and hung out, catching up, for several hours. The wife made queso, and I made drinks. My wife had the foresight to get all of her work finished for the day before our friend came over; I held out hope that somehow I would find the time to get my stuff done after he left. A couple of drinks told me that I wouldn’t work yesterday. But… I’m not really upset by that. It had been years since we had seen our friend, and spending time with people you care about is never wasted time

    There is a Trader Joe’s in Harlem! It opened yesterday! Holy Shit! Everyone is going to the Trader Joe’s in Harlem! And it’s about time! I am a huge fan of quality items sold at affordable prices…

    The kid is away at camp, and yesterday, I got a letter in the mail from her. The letter was short, very cute, sweet, and made me almost bust out in tears and cry my little dad heart out. Even thinking about the letter makes me choked up. Fatherhood is an amazing adventure, showing me that I have more love and compassion than I thought I contained.

  • Short Story Review: “Beyond Imagining” by Lore Segal

    (The short story “Beyond Imagining” by Lore Segal appeared in the June 10th, 2024 issue of The New Yorker.)

    Illustration by Bénédicte Muller

    A few years before my mother passed away, we got into a conversation about getting older. She was around 70 years old at this time, and happily enjoying her life in retirement, as well as being the matriarch of our family, but she especially enjoyed being a grandmother. “Is it all what you hoped it would be?” I asked her, to which she responded, “When I got married (at 19) I never thought I would live past forty. This is all new to me.” My mother could be dry, but at the time, I wasn’t sure what to make of her answer. Since her passing, and my own aging, I have come to understand that you can’t get excited for something you aren’t able to imagine.

    Lore Segal’s “Beyond Imagining” posed this thought early in the first section, when the character Bridget, speaking about death states, “I think that the reason I think I won’t mind being dead is that I can’t imagine it, and I don’t think we know how to believe what we aren’t able to imagine.” This idea, this through line, plays role in the four sections of this story, which follow a circle of elderly women friends in New York, as they handle, deal, and accept their current lives.

    I know that the above description is, maybe, an unfair simplification of this piece. The story exudes a wonderful melancholy as it lets us experience the world of these women. But it also has a very delicate touch, showing the importance and power of their friendships, how these relationships at this point in their lives sustains them, and gives them strength to deal with issues and discoveries they did not anticipate. Though this piece is not very long, the characters intertwin in each other’s sections, and I found this structure added a depth of authenticity to the friendships.

    When I finished reading this story, I wanted to hug these ladies. I wanted to hold their hand, like a doting son would, and listen to them talk. But the emotional power of this story is that these are the conversations these friends have when it is only them around. These aren’t salacious or confessionary conversations, but conversations friends have when the sharing of experience is the intimacy. It’s the conversation between friends that can make what one can’t imagine, into something that can be believed.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Old Friends, People with Cats, and Side Hustling a Side Hustle

    (First it steals your mind…)

    As I keep aging, and time continues on – I am so grateful that I have old friends. People that have known me from adolescence to awkward adulthood; and vice versa. We don’t see each other as much as we should, and text seems to be to communication platform of choice. But man, even this morning, with a few simple texts, I was laughing and feeling so much better about everything. It’s great having people who know how to push the right buttons.

    My wife found this picture online the other day:

    It’s for a product that you can find at Wal-Mart, and I want to say that I am in no way endorsing or criticizing the need or use of this product… But I will say that I think the cat in this photo is formulating a plan to kill their owner while they sleep.

    I have noticed lately that I keep finding news stories in my feed about people whose side hustle has started earning them six figures. This “side hustle” is usually making print on demand items with funny phrases on it, dog walking, or reviewing products for Amazon. This reminds me of all the “get rich quick” schemes from the 80’s; MLM, work from home, shady investing… Has anyone thought about a side hustle which you are a consultant to help people figure out what their side hustle should be?  

  • Rockin’ Out in the Car

    You know how much Taylor Swift I listened to this weekend? And this has nothing to do with the Kansas City/Baltimore game on Sunday. I was the “Dad Taxi” and, oh, did I get my own version of The Eras Tour in the car. Yes, two Tween-girls were eating candy, chatting non-stop between singing Taylor songs, and it was like I wasn’t even there.

    And I couldn’t have been happier.

    I had no idea what to expect when I found out the kid was going to be a girl all those years ago. I had two older brothers, so my childhood was nothing but boy things. I can admit I was nervous about raising a girl, but not afraid to do it. I just knew that I was going to enter a place of parenting that I had no frame of reference, and that’s not bad – it’s just a challenge.

    I know that I only have a few years left of her openly acting like she likes me. I know what will come next and that’s okay. I want her to be her own person, and she has to pull away from me to accomplish that. It’s not like she’s going away, but if she’s just a little bit like the adolescent that I was, then she will be in her room all the time, listening to really “deep” music, and no one will be able to understand her. (I was pretty pretentious and obnoxious all at the same time.) But if she’s also like me, she’ll come to the other side of it, and will still talk to me. I got closer to my parents the older I got.

    But for now, I got be witness her getting excited about music and being with her friends. Maybe I did eavesdrop, but it was surprisingly reassuring to hear her voice her opinions and make some pretty funny jokes. Watching the kid grow up.