Tag: #employment

  • A Tie is Worth A Point

    I have just about made it to the weekend. This was a pretty crappy week. No doubt about it.

    Still, I sort of keep going back to the hope, the magical thought that me and my family will get vaccinated and that we will be able to go back to the way things were very soon. That idea of returning to the life that we had in March 2020 is very intriguing, and it is now met with a heightened level of nostalgia that is becomes both sad and wildly unrealistic.

    I went back through my journals, and even looked at the picture on my phone to see what life was like in March 2020. For us, it was awful. The wife and I were still without work, and our bills were getting out of control. What little money we did have was drying up, and we started talking about what options we had to stay in our apartment. It was dark, and it was bleak. The only bright spot was that I got hired on the Friday before the whole world shut down on the following Monday.

    I look around our apartment now, as I type on the couch and the kid sits next to me drawing and singing, and things are… not exactly better, but clearly, things are not worse. The wife is employed at a good job that gives all of us insurance. We are starting to dig ourselves out of the financial hole we created. The kid is in school, albeit remote, but she can read and write now. And we are healthy.

    Can that be counted as a win? In the Premier League, a tie still gets you a point.

    I think we won one point then.

  • Struggling to Get By

    I am tired. I haven’t been sleeping well. Trump’s refusal to concede the election, though I knew it would happen, isn’t helping either. I am also getting burned out of the routine that we are in, and I’m afraid of the possible 2nd/3rd wave of Covid that is coming.

    It really is like 2020 refuses to die.

    I am fortunate that I have my wife, as we are leaning on each other for support. We both find ourselves just getting by. In the sense that we can get the bare minimum out, but really can’t seem to muscle anything additional. Such as our Algot shelf project still hasn’t been completed yet. We are close, but still not there.

    The other thing that has been heavy on my mind is that it looks like September 2021 might be the earliest that we can get back to “normal.” If there is a safe and effective vaccine ready for next year, then we are looking at April or May until we can take it. That’s pretty much at the end of the school year. To me that says the kid won’t be back in a class until September. That means we will have a Summer together, and Fall will be the time, hopefully, that I’ll be able to get out there and find a job.

    And that feels like a million years away.

    Another million years of just barely getting by to hope that we get an opportunity to better our situation. Feels like we better have some good luck on our side.

  • Covid Blues, But My Wife Rocks

    Just going to brag about my wife for a second…

    She was hired today, for a fulltime job with benefits. She busted her ass and found a job in the middle of a pandemic. It has made life easier for all of us, and we can take a little breath of relief. Maybe only for a second, but it feels like the first breath we have been able to take in five months. I’m very proud of of this amazing woman.

    It has been such a insane and unpredictable nine months for us. From leaving California, and reestablishing ourselves back in New York, only to have Covid pull the rug from out from everyone. There was no way to predict any of this.

    To be honest, I never thought there really would be a pandemic. From the way the world treated SARs and Ebola, even N1H1, it just seemed to me that the we knew how to work together and fight a contagious disease. I really felt like science and logic were winning over ignorance. Little did I know that stupid is stronger than I thought.

    And with all of this, how will we tell this story of disease? That is the question I keep hearing from my artist friends… if we survive. How will this affect the way we tell stories, and how we share this common experience? Only time will tell.

  • Keep It Together

    I have been trying to stay positive through the move to California, all the changes that it has brought, and the fact that I am way outside of my comfort zone. It has been messin’ with my head.

    The biggest issue that I am having right now is that I haven’t been able to find a job. I have sent out 20+ resumes to prospective jobs in the span of 6 weeks, and I have only landed two interviews. It has made me start second guessing myself, and then on Friday night I started down the spiraling path of self-destructive thinking by beginning to believe that I would never find a job, and that would cause us to default on all of our bills, and that it is only a matter of time before we are homeless…

    And then I read this opinion piece over the weekend, all about rejection.

    It did put a few things in prospective, which I needed, so thank you Emily Winter for writing it.

    I still need to get a job to pay bills, that part hasn’t changed, but it reminded me to start thinking about longer term goals. What are the steps that I need to be taking now? And there is a difference from just “trying” at something, and working hard at it. As Emily said in her piece, “I’m so tired, and that’s how I know I did it right. If I weren’t exhausted, it would mean I’d just spent the last year asking for things without putting in the work to earn them. To me, there’s nothing more off-putting than entitlement.”

    She has a very good point.

  • Job Hunting

    I have now been in California for two and a half weeks now, and the job-hunting fear has set in. I have been sending out resumes and applications, and I haven’t got one interview yet. The first week was no big deal, the second week was a little annoying. Now, that we are on week three, and it is a short week with Thanksgiving, which means my search will continue into a fourth week. The fear is setting in. It is possible now that I will go a month with nothing.

    That’s a problem.

    As we planned this move to California, me finding a job wasn’t that big of a concern. I had worked my way up in arts management, and from that, I thought I had many marketable skills.

    I am beginning to have second thoughts about that.

    Also, it has been almost 15 years since I was last out of a job, and the instability and insecurity that this situation creates has caused more than a few self-doubts. There are a few anxiety triggers that are firing up now which also makes me spiral/fall into thinking that everything will blow up in my face. That I won’t be able to provide…

    And then I have to remind myself that I need to relax.

    Take a breath.

    I’m not at the panic point yet, though I can see it on the horizon.