Tag: #Covid

  • Trouble Sleeping, Some Anxiety

    I have been having trouble sleeping of late. The other night was pretty bad. It took a while for me to get tired, and then when I did go to bed, I couldn’t stay asleep. It felt like I was waking up every thirty minutes or so. The thought that kept replaying in my head was that I wouldn’t be able to get a job when everything gets better, because I will need to get a job. We can get by on one income, but we can’t get ahead unless I bring in some money.

    I keep thinking that I am not going to get a job because I’m too old. And I kept thinking that I am not going to get a job, because I don’t have any useful skills. And I kept feeling worse and worse about myself. It created a downward spiral of negative thought, that I just couldn’t shake.

    And then I went to a very dark place. It wasn’t so much a specific memory, but more of recalling a deep emotional feeling. I started to relive the emotions of the time period when my mother was dying, and the complete lack of sympathy I received from my co-workers. (To make this quick, the place that I worked wanted me to quit to save money, so two co-workers took it upon themselves to bully and harass me so that I would leave. And yes, I did go to HR and they said there was nothing they could do.) It was difficult to deal with the emotions of losing my mother, while also having to survive eight hours of isolation and intimidation. It was a one-two punch that was miserable, and depressingly lonely. I am very fortunate that I have my wife, family, and friends, as without them, I don’t think I would have survived that period.

    I like to think of myself as a mentally well-adjusted and fit person. That was an awful period of time, but I did come out on the other side with a better relationship with my wife, and father, and family, and friends. And all of that was due to talking about it, and sharing, and making ourselves vulnerable which allowed healing. It’s still a work in progress, as there are bad days, like the other night. But… I know it will get better.

  • I Got Vaccinated, and I Waited

    I got my first vaccine today. In three weeks, I will get my second vaccine. And then I guess we start living in a post Covid-19 world.

    That’s all good. And I do want to focus on the fact that we are getting close to living in a world where you can go places and see people. That this vaccine will be my first step in moving towards this world.

    I was nervous going to get the vaccine this morning. Anxious, nervous, feeling off, and butterflies in the stomach; all of that was happening to me as I headed out to The Bronx. Everyone is handling getting their vaccine in their own way. I have friends who dressed up for it, others who started to cry when they got it, and still others who took pictures of the whole process, including the nurse who gave the shot. I had brought my journal, as I wanted to write about it, document what I was thinking and how it felt. I even thought about taking pictures.

    And then I got to the hospital and I just wanted to experience it. Just be. Let it happen, and not think. I filled out my paperwork, and sat in the waiting room. My nurse was a real nice guy, and took me back to the room from my shot. He was an easy going person, and the shot was painless, and he handed me a button showing that I was vaccinated, though I don’t think I should wear it until I get the second shot. You know you have to wait 15 minutes, and I set a timer on my phone, and waited. I waited, and I thought how my salvation was being confirmed by waiting. Not doing, just sitting.

  • Everyone! Let’s Get That Shot!

    Yesterday afternoon, New York State finally made all New Yorkers eligible for the Covid Vaccine starting on April 6th. Starting today, Tuesday the 30th, all New Yorkers over 30 can get the vaccine. I don’t know what the hold-up was, as every other state had made plans to get the vaccine to everyone… Oh yeah! Cuomo!

    We have been very patient in this apartment, waiting our turn, and trying not to freak out about it. And the wife and I both took turns of freaking out over it. “What if we never get it?” “What if we get sick before we get it?” “What if it’s just too late!”  We freaked out, a little.

    But now we can go get the shot!

    Well…

    Not exactly.

    I thought that since all of this was announced on Monday, that starting at midnight, you could begin signing up. Right? So, I stayed up to midnight only to find out, that the state website hadn’t been updated with this new clearance. Not a big deal, I’d just take care of it this morning.

    Well… Seems like there is no place to get an appointment in Manhattan right now. Actually, I could get an appointment over at the Javits Center for May 28th, with my follow up being June 28th. Preferable, we would like something a little sooner.

    Hence the new game; You Have Access, But That Doesn’t Mean You’ll Get It Now.

  • SPRING BREAK with THE KID

    The kid is off from school, and I had it in my mind that somehow this might be a little vacation for me as well. That was very inaccurate. When there is no school, I become chief entertainer. Now, what can I come up with for this week?

    The park is an easy go-to, and we’ll be doing lots of that, weather permitting.

    Then, I have been putting off a home project of hanging a spice rack in the kitchen. That I think is something that we can do together. You know, a 44-year-old dad and his six-year-old daughter hanging something on the wall; can they do it without one of them getting angry, crying, or saying, “You can help dad by getting him a beer.”

    I also have a family picture project, which is getting up on the wall of the pictures of our family; Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and all. We have boxes of framed family pictures that for whatever reason we never get around to putting up. In fact, as I look at the living room, we don’t have any pictures of the kid. We have like twenty pieces of her artwork up on the wall, but not an actual photograph. Does that say something about us as a family?

    The big project that I want to tackle with the kid is to make a puppet show out of a story she told me about a girl and three friendly ghosts. There is a very fine line I walk with this stuff and her. I would love for us to make a puppet show together, but at the same time, I don’t want to force her to do it. She knows that her dad has worked as a puppeteer before the Covid times, and has every now and then asked me about it, but she doesn’t asked to make a show. And I also don’t want to take her story and make something out of it without her. So, I want to see if I can encourage her to do this with me.

    Either way, we gotta pass the time.

  • Returning to In-Person School for NYC

    Outside if NYC, I don’t know how many of you have heard, but today starts enrolment for remote students to return to blended in-person classes. As we are a remote learning family, we have from today to April 7th to decide if we will stay remote, or move over to in-person blended learning. Also, according to Department of Education, this is our last opportunity to make this change.

    What will we do?

    We have a great remote teacher for our daughter, and our teacher is actually one of the two main kindergarten teachers for the school we are in, or would be in if Covid hadn’t happened. So, we know that what she is teaching our daughter is in line with what is needed to move up to 1st Grade in that school, and the system at large in the whole school. Also, being that our kid is actually thriving in this not quite normal environment, makes us think she has the right teacher she needs.

    But, it is remote learning.

    And in remote learning, she is not getting the personal attention she needs from a teacher, nor is she getting any social interaction which is very necessary at this age.

    But, moving to blended in-person learning means that she would get another new teacher, which would be her third for the year. It would be another set of kids that she would be introduced to. And that change means that there will need to be another adjustment period, which could slow down her progress. And it still wouldn’t be five days a week classes, as it would be every other day. That doesn’t sound like that would be the best for her either.

    Yet, I had been hoping, really hoping, that the kid would start back to school so I could get a jump on all the things that I want to do, but can’t because, well, I spend all of my time with the kid when she is awake. I feel very selfish and guilty for saying this. I have enjoyed, and treasured this time that I get to spend with her, and I know that it has been a planet’s lining up fortuitus achievement that I have been able to help her learn how to read and write, which is something that would have never happened if not for Covid and getting laid off…

    But…

    I want to get a jump on my career again, but not at the expense of the kid.

    We’ve got two weeks to figure this out.