I tried to write about writing, and you know, it just felt like a cop out. Like I was trying to show that I was doing something, when in reality, I haven’t done a whole lot. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I was trying to pass off a lie, but it felt insincere. Not authentic.
Where I am in my day today is that I dropped the kid off at school, walked the dog, went grocery shopping, and I am now trying to put a blog together.
Going through motions?
Maybe?
As I sit on the couch and the wife works at her desk, I think I am trying to validate my worth right now. Trying to create something that I can point at so I can at least say I accomplished something creative. And then I also feel the need to share it. And share it to get validation.
Is that all that this is boiling down to? I need someone to notice me?
Maybe I do need someone to say, “Hey, I see you,” to feel like my day has a purpose. I still can’t tell if that is wrong or not. Somedays, it does feel wrong. That I have accomplished nothing, and that I am creating a false reality to have the appearance that I am doing these things.
I don’t think there is a clean way to make wanting to be the center of attention altruistic.
Hmmmmm…
