Tag: #Catholic

  • Walking in the Snow, Trying to be a Good Dad

    There’s five inches of snow on the ground. Me and the kid could barely contain ourselves as we walked to school. We both wanted to bounce through the snow and step in the places where no one had walked yet so we could make footprints and hear the crunch of the snow under our boots. We were late to school.

    I told the kid we had to hurry up, and she asked me is it her fault that she’s late? And that question made me feel sad and pitiful for her. Had I said something earlier to make her feel guilty? Had I been saying things to her this week that make her feel like she was to blame? I thought I had been doing good job of not transferring the Catholic Guilt I grew up with to her. But the way that she asked me that question, is it her fault, made me think that I hadn’t accomplished my goal.

    I had promised myself that I would raise a confidant and self-assured kid. I didn’t want her growing up like I did; afraid, worrying, low self-esteem, and neurotic. I feel like I have talked myself out of so many things that I wanted because of my lack of confidence. I still have trouble believing in me.

    Last night, I woke up at 3am, and I couldn’t get back to sleep. As I lay in bed, mind racing, that nagging voice in the back of my head kept poking at me – “You don’t have a career, you’re too old to start a new one, you aren’t that creative, you don’t know the right people, you don’t have any real friends, what create is boring and pedestrian.” I’m 45 years old, and sometimes I still feel like that 12-year-old on the first day of junior high; scared that they will all laugh at me and beat me up.

    I don’t want my daughter to think of herself that way. I want her to like who she is, and be confidant in who she is, and not be afraid. I’m doing what all parents do – I want me kid to be better than me. And most days I don’t know how to do that. But I keep trying, because we’re going sledding after school, and that’s going to be a lot of fun.

  • Thanks, Uncle Rene

    My uncle died this morning. It was my mom’s brother.

    He was the uncle who encouraged me to read books, write, go into theatre, and move to New York. When I graduated high school, he took me to a book store and told me to pick out whatever I wanted. And then he added other books he felt I should read. He was also the person who suggested that I get a subscription to The New Yorker. You could talk to him about anything because he seemed to know a little about everything.

    I have reached the age when I can now full appreciate the gifts God has given me, and for some reason, God feels compelled to take them all back.

    But my uncle was a priest, so I bet he’d tell me to go easy on God.

    Because no one really leaves you if you love them.

    And I know he loved me.

  • Personal Review: Raiders of the Lost Ark (Part 3)

    This is a series, as I showed this movie to my daughter for the first time over the weekend, and I will share her reactions to it. This might be the last part…

    Raiders of the Lost Ark is my favorite action movie, in case you missed that from the past two days. Over the past weekend, I showed the movie to my daughter, who is now at the age that I first saw it way back in 1983/84. It clearly is very natural to want to share things with your child that you hold as important, and I also think it’s equally normal for children to want to learn about what their parents think is important. For my daughter to understand me better, she does need to know about Raiders, MST3k, and The Beatles. (Books are a completely different subject, as the kid is just now learning how to read, so we are several years from that subject.)

    As we finished Raiders on Saturday night, and after she told me the melting faces scared her, I knew that she would have questions, as she is a very curious six-year-old. What she asked me was: “What is the Ark? Why does it kill people if you open it? Why did ghosts come out of the Ark? Is it magic like the Infinity Stones? What are the Ten Commandments? Why did the Egyptians hide the Ark?” With these questions, I discovered a very glaring difference between my childhood and my daughters; at her age, I was well versed in Bible stories, and my kid has no idea what is in the Bible.

    I was raised in a VERY Catholic home, and when I was a kid, I went to Sunday school, CCD, and had my own illustrated children’s Bible. I said my prayers with my mother at night, and would even “read” Bible stories from a little red Gideon’s Bible, though I was just repeating stories I had memorized. With this background, when I first saw Raiders, I saw the Biblical implications all over the story. When my daughter watched the movie, none of that was apparent to her. It was just a magic box that you shouldn’t look at when it’s open.

    My wife and I have made a conscious choice to not raise our daughter Catholic. In both of our lives, religion has played a divisive role, didn’t necessarily prepare us for living in this world, and front loaded us with so much guilt, which we are still working through. For me, I really dislike how the Catholic Church, and most religions honestly, treat women, and I don’t want to raise my daughter in a faith tradition that makes her a second-class citizen in the eyes of God.

    I wasn’t expecting that religion would be the final conversation I would have with my kid after watching Raiders of the Lost Ark, but I am glad that it happened. I am happy that we started talking about what different people believe, we talked about the traditions and history of Judaism, and what the Old Testament and the New Testament are. I want her to make her own decisions when it comes to religion, and they only way for that to happen is for her to ask questions.