Tag: #bullying

  • ODDS and ENDS – See, I Was Right

    “Odds and Ends” is my continuing series of random thoughts and follow ups…

    First of all, I was right about the Super League. An Op-Ed in The New York Times pretty much said the same thing that I did, (At least I think so) and Five-Thirty Eight also had a Chat about it as well. The bottom line is that the Super League is Dead. Long Live The Super League!

    Pretty shocked that the writer of the Philip Roth biography is now being accused of sexual assault. Won’t be buying that book now.

    I am strangely finding myself interested in how the Knicks are doing. Though basketball is my family’s sport of choice, I have never been a big pro-basketball fan. But something about the team this year has me paying attention. Maybe it’s Rose, maybe it’s the better defense, maybe I like rooting for the underdog. Something.

    I know I am late to the game, but I have been following the Scott Rudin story. It broke at the start of April, and if you don’t know, Rudin is an Oscar and Tony winning producer who is an awful person to work for. He bullies people, screams at them, breaks stuff, throws tantrums, and, well, he’s an asshole. From the years of working at rehearsal studios, I have encountered many Rudin types; they asshole their way to success. Sadly, Rudin types aren’t created in a vacuum, they are enabled. Until the enablers are addressed as well, Rudin types will keep thriving in the entertainment world.

  • Trouble Sleeping, Some Anxiety

    I have been having trouble sleeping of late. The other night was pretty bad. It took a while for me to get tired, and then when I did go to bed, I couldn’t stay asleep. It felt like I was waking up every thirty minutes or so. The thought that kept replaying in my head was that I wouldn’t be able to get a job when everything gets better, because I will need to get a job. We can get by on one income, but we can’t get ahead unless I bring in some money.

    I keep thinking that I am not going to get a job because I’m too old. And I kept thinking that I am not going to get a job, because I don’t have any useful skills. And I kept feeling worse and worse about myself. It created a downward spiral of negative thought, that I just couldn’t shake.

    And then I went to a very dark place. It wasn’t so much a specific memory, but more of recalling a deep emotional feeling. I started to relive the emotions of the time period when my mother was dying, and the complete lack of sympathy I received from my co-workers. (To make this quick, the place that I worked wanted me to quit to save money, so two co-workers took it upon themselves to bully and harass me so that I would leave. And yes, I did go to HR and they said there was nothing they could do.) It was difficult to deal with the emotions of losing my mother, while also having to survive eight hours of isolation and intimidation. It was a one-two punch that was miserable, and depressingly lonely. I am very fortunate that I have my wife, family, and friends, as without them, I don’t think I would have survived that period.

    I like to think of myself as a mentally well-adjusted and fit person. That was an awful period of time, but I did come out on the other side with a better relationship with my wife, and father, and family, and friends. And all of that was due to talking about it, and sharing, and making ourselves vulnerable which allowed healing. It’s still a work in progress, as there are bad days, like the other night. But… I know it will get better.

  • Flashback

    I was checking a shared work folder in my DropBox, when I saw a folder of documents that I haven’t looked at for over a year. It was a protection folder that I had from my last job in New York, which contained email and documents that I could use as evidence of the unprofessional behavior and harassment that I was receiving from people in the theatre department. Funny thing was that I thought that the “company” would want this information when I filed a complaint, but at the end of my time there, it became clear that the Exec’s decided that I was the expendable one. Not that I was fired, but no one wept for me when I left for California.

    And when I looked at these documents again, I had a pure flashback of the anxiety and stress of that time in my life. The whole situation tested my moral center as this was a situation where people were clearly doing unethical things, bordering on illegal, but nothing happened to them. I had believed, and still do, that if you behave badly, it will come around. Somehow, it still hasn’t happened. And it might never happen to those two guys.

    The other awful part was that people aw what was happening to me, and no one said anything. People looked the other way and didn’t want to get involved. That’s how bullying works; it the fear that bully will turn on you.

    And I thought about deleting all of it. Just clearing it out of my life.

    But, I think I need the reminder. I don’t think it’s healthy to never remember that situation.