Tag: Beard

  • Holiday Beard

    It’s been awhile since I grew the Holiday Beard. It used to be something that I would do annually. Start growing it out during the week of Thanksgiving, shave it down to a moustache for New Year’s Eve, then get rid of all facial hair after the Super Bowl. (This way, I would look normal again for Valentine’s Day, which makes the wife happy.) There was one year for New Year’s, I shaved down to a handlebar and sideburns; don’t care what anyone said, I looked great!

    I decided that I wanted to grow the beard this year… and it’s not going well. Not sure what has changed about me, but this thing is itchy as hell. Like driving me up the wall, making me crazy. I find myself at night unable to sleep for how itchy my cheeks are. I can see how red and irritated my skin is when I look in a mirror. I mean, I know every time I grow a beard, there is a period of itchy face, but this time around, it is particularly annoying. I’ve tried lotions and conditioners, but nothing seems to help.

    Now, I won’t give up on the beard, as I am stubborn in that way. It’s only been 23 days since I stated this process, and I still have about 60 days or so to go. And I really do want the handlebar moustache and sideburns back in my life, in a very desperate way. Sure, this is a grab at holding on to my youth, as I might have more hair on my face than my head. Or, you could say, it’s fun to just do something silly.

  • ODDS and ENDS: But I Thought It Was Funny, Spotify for the Win, and My Beard

    (I think I want to live the sporting life.)

    Okay, so maybe me and the wife drank a bottle of cheap white wine last night, and maybe we tried to do some online shopping while I was watching the Cowboy game. And maybe we found a semi inappropriate plush cat on Amazon. And maybe I did text out a picture of that plush cat to a friend who I thought would find it extremely hilarious. Look, when me and the wife saw that cat, we laugh/cried for like ten minutes. My friend didn’t find it as funny. Sure, they found it funny, just not that funny. It’s a giant plush cat, with giant plush balls! Just read the reviews! The people who bought this cat are also in awe that a cat of this form exists in the world. C’mon People!

    Seems like everyone is showing off their Spotify Wrapped year in review. I am surprised that my Wrapped does not contain The Beatles in my Top 5. They have always claimed a spot on the list, but not this year. I’m not sharing my list, that’s personal, but I will answer that Peach Pit was my big winner. And when this time of year comes around, I do have to tip my cap and admire the marketing team at Spotify for coming up with this little data stunt. I mean, you get everyone to humble-brag about what the listen to; it dominates the news cycle for a day or two because it’s a fluff story, but it always seems like we need a fluff story; most importantly, it’s easily shared on social media. Bravo, Spotify marketing team, bravo! I hope whomever came up with this idea got promoted and earned a cushy job teaching a class on online marketing at an Ivy League school.

    It’s that time of year when I grow a beard. For the record, my wife and kid hate that I do this, and what they object to is that my face, understandably, becomes course and scratchy. See, there is no logic to why I do this, but the last time I shaved was on Thanksgiving, and then I just grow a beard through New Year’s. Being that it’s a New Year, I’ll shave the beard, but leave a moustache. (And the wife and kid REALLY hate when I have a moustache.) Now, I’ll keep the moustache until the Super Bowl. Why? No reason. Just something to do. The point here is to be back to being clean shaven by Valentine’s Day, because I’m not stupid.