Tag: After-School

  • Parenting: Dealing with Disappointment

    I had mentioned back on Friday that my daughter didn’t get into the free After-School program at her school. We broke the news to her over the weekend to allow her time to process the development, and talk it out. On the whole, she said that she was okay with it. What she wanted was to spend more time with her friends at the playground and with me.

    That sounded sweet, but I had my suspicions.

    Sadly, I was correct on Monday. Drop off in morning at school was fine. I reminded her that I would be back when school let out, and that we could go to the playground if she wanted. Again, she said that was what she wanted to do. When I came back to pick her up, I could see in her eyes that it was beginning to dawn on her that virtually all of her friends, save two, got into the After-School program. We did go to the playground, and she played with her two good friends, but I knew, I mean I could feel it, that she was having the feelings of being left out and rejected. After about forty-five minutes of half-assed, her heart wasn’t into it, playing, she asked me if we could go home.

    At home, we all talked about what she was feeling, and how it hurts. We also talked about things we could do tomorrow to make after school more fun than today. When it was bedtime, she had bounced back, and was that silly goofy kid.

    When it was pick up time yesterday, she had that same gloomy face, and looking longingly at all her friends that are taking part in the After-School. When went to the playground again, but this time, her two friends weren’t there. Though there were a few kids from her class running around, she refused to play with them, because she only wanted to play with “her” friends.

    It was just breaking my heart to see her hurt in this way. I know that she originally didn’t want to do the After-School, and she really didn’t like it last year. I know it took a long time for me and the wife to convince her that we should apply for the program. I know all of this.

    And I don’t know how to fix this, and I also don’t know if I should. Disappointment is a part of life, and something that everyone has to learn to deal with. But I can’t shake the feeling that my job as her dad is to not let her suffer needlessly. Even if this is a small hiccup on the path of her life, right now to her, this is the biggest set back she’s faced. Asking her to put this in perspective is a futile act because she is too young to have a perspective. (And also, I hated when parents and teachers would tell me that what I was feeling wasn’t that big of a deal. It was a big deal to me, and that’s all that mattered.) In her life, and I know she has been very lucky so far, this is the most complicated emotional issue she has had; She wanted something, didn’t get it, and has to be reminded daily that she’s not included. She’s feeling disappointment, a little embarrassment, shame, loss, sadness, and the dreaded fear of missing out.

    I feel powerless to help her. I know we need to keep talking about her feelings, but my gut instinct is to take action – do something to better the situation. Other after school activities cost money, which we are in short supply of, so I think I’m going to have to be a little creative. Maybe we come up with a library day once a week, or visit museums? Maybe we go and volunteer at local arts organizations? Maybe we do art projects at home? Maybe I put her to work painting the apartment?

    I think the lesson I need to teach her, and reinforce in myself, is that getting disappointed is something that is inevitable and sometimes out of our control. How we deal with that disappointment is what we can control. Taking those feelings of disappointment and channeling them into something positive might be the best way to handle this situation.

    I hate seeing the kid upset, though. That one stings.

    (Say, I have a favor to ask of you. If you enjoyed this blog post, please share the love and give it a like, or a comment, or a share, or whatever combination works best for you. You’d be doing a body good.)

  • ODDS and ENDS: Tottenham Lost, TNF, and Setbacks to Working

    (Yo Momma Jokes Welcomed!)

    Yeah, I know that Tottenham lost to Sporting CP in the Champions League. I also know that this is the Group Stage, and there is a lot of football left to be played in the tournament. And I know that Spurs were due to lose a match at some point this season. But it was the way that Tottenham lost: two goals at the very end. Now, as is the theme with my football coverage, I know nothing about Sporting CP, but what I do know is that they were the much better team in that match. Tottenham looked tired and conservative. They had some good chances with Royal and Richarlison especially, but again, where was the Son/Kane connection? And Hugo Lloris can only do so much for this team, which gets me back to my original point of that, this team crapped out at the very end. It reminded me of Spurs teams past who were very aggressive in the first half, only to be beaten in the final ten minutes of the match. Yes, it was one match, but the way this team has been playing – finding ways to not lose – might be coming to an end, leading to more losses. The Son/Kane duo is the key, and until they become a treat on the pitch again, this team could start floundering.

    Thursday Night Football – I can’t get over how much it feels like a money grab on the backs of the players. But I like watching Ryan Fitzpatrick. So, I’m torn.

    And then there is the big setback, or maybe it’s an opportunity. We were not selected for the free after-school program at my daughter’s school. It’s a lottery system, so the students selected at random, but we were counting on the kid getting in. For a very simple reason, the after-school program would give me the ability to go and get a job. The kid would be in school from 8:30 to 5:30, and between me and the wife, one of us would be able to drop the kid off, and the other could pick her up. In that situation, I could re-enter the world of full-time employment, and work a normal 9-5. I know I am not the only parent at the school that was counting on their kid getting into this program, as I know many parents are still trying to get back on their feet after Covid, and childcare is still hand to find, and when you do find it, it’s terribly expensive. I’m trying to Zen about the whole thing. For one, I get to spend more time with the kid, which is truly a gift. Second, this could be an opportunity. I don’t know how it’s an opportunity, but I feel that if I keep saying that, over and over again, then I just might manifest an opportunity out of thin air.  Anyway, setbacks are part of life, and we have to find a way to keep moving forward.

    (Hey you! I need your help. I need you to like this blog post. In fact, like it, share it, and leave a comment. If you just read this post, then you know I need a job, so engage with me so I can generate some funds. I promise, it won’t make baby Jesus cry.)