Tag: #2021

  • THE END of THE YEAR

    So, 2021 comes to close, and just like how I was feeling over Christmas, I have no excitement for the coming year. I am quite sure this is due to having three shitty years in a row. And if I really think about it, 2018 was a craptastic 12 months as well. It is fair to say that me and the wife have had a really difficult five years, if we are to be honest.

    I feel awful for saying that, mainly because it’s our daughter that is getting the short end of this stick. The first two years of being a parent aren’t easy, but we handled that time of our lives, I think, rather well. But these last five years… She’s had to deal with parents that have had a high level of anxiety. And I know that we aren’t the only people who have had a hard time. But I would like it to lighten up a little for the kid, if nothing else.

    She asked me last night as I was tucking her in how long she’ll have to keep wearing a mask.

    Just a while longer, I said.

    I had to give her some hope. I needed some hope as well.

    It’s a very fine line when hope goes from optimism, and crosses into a lie.

    But, there is still a chance that things can get better. A chance that optimism will return. That we can start planning for longer than a week, or a month.

    As my grandmother would say, you gotta have goals; something to look forward to.

  • Missing the Joy of the Holidays

    I have been trying to get in a Christmas mood, but it just isn’t taking. It’s a bit easier when the kid is around, but I think every parent would give that answer. We have done all the things that we normally do. We have decorated, made cookies, and gone out shopping. We have watched Christmas movies, wrapped gifts, and made our plans for Christmas-Eve.

    But it’s still not taking.

    Last year was weird, don’t get me wrong. The first Christmas under Covid wasn’t great, but it did feel a little like we were stealing a piece of normal back. That, out of all the awful changes, this was one old thing that was good to be doing. I think it also helped that Trump lost the election, and the first vaccines were going out, which made it feel like the world was getting better.

    I did think that by the time we hit December 2021, that we would be putting Covid behind us, the kid would have a vaccine, and no more masks. That’ll teach me to be optimistic.

    But, I don’t think I want to be a person that stops being optimistic. That today can still be a good day, and tomorrow can be even better. That I don’t have the answers but I know it will work out.

    It’s the old theatre adage; A shitty dress rehearsal makes for a great opening night. Today might be bad, but tomorrow it will all come together.

    Anyway, kind’a got off subject there. I was talking about Christmas and the Holidays.

    Let’s focus on the positive, as that is what I tell the kid to do.

    We are going to see a movie in a theatre this year. We’ll get lobster rolls on Christmas Eve, and Mom and Dad will toast a martini, though it might be a bourbon this year. Christmas coffee cake will be made, and the kid will not be able to sleep, anticipating Christmas morning.

    And we’ll be together. Which is what really counts.

  • A Tie is Worth A Point

    I have just about made it to the weekend. This was a pretty crappy week. No doubt about it.

    Still, I sort of keep going back to the hope, the magical thought that me and my family will get vaccinated and that we will be able to go back to the way things were very soon. That idea of returning to the life that we had in March 2020 is very intriguing, and it is now met with a heightened level of nostalgia that is becomes both sad and wildly unrealistic.

    I went back through my journals, and even looked at the picture on my phone to see what life was like in March 2020. For us, it was awful. The wife and I were still without work, and our bills were getting out of control. What little money we did have was drying up, and we started talking about what options we had to stay in our apartment. It was dark, and it was bleak. The only bright spot was that I got hired on the Friday before the whole world shut down on the following Monday.

    I look around our apartment now, as I type on the couch and the kid sits next to me drawing and singing, and things are… not exactly better, but clearly, things are not worse. The wife is employed at a good job that gives all of us insurance. We are starting to dig ourselves out of the financial hole we created. The kid is in school, albeit remote, but she can read and write now. And we are healthy.

    Can that be counted as a win? In the Premier League, a tie still gets you a point.

    I think we won one point then.

  • It’s 2021, Ya’ll!

    And so we are in a new year. Today, Monday the 4th feels like the start of the new year to me. The kid is back in school, remotely that is, and the wife is also back at work, also remotely, but we are all back to the routine.

    Walking our dog around the neighborhood this morning, I saw that the crossing guards are back, as well as the delivery trucks, and people waiting at bus stops. Even the stupid construction on the condo tower behind our building was up and running at 6:30am.

    Everyone is back, and that’s why, for me, it feels like we are all starting this New Year.

    Today is also the day that I will try 30 days of no alcohol. I will jump on the band wagon of everyone else, and have a dry January. I don’t think our drinking is out of control, but the wife and I wanted to start this year off on the right foot with cleaning up our life style. We have put on some Covid weight, and alcohol doesn’t help. And over the holidays, we sure did eat our fair share of cookies, and cakes, and all sorts of other tasty treats that really aren’t good for us. The wife is taking the extra step and is cutting sugar out of the next 30 days. The final step is that we will be doing a 30 day yoga program. Yes, it is a form of exercise that we can do after the kid goes to bed at night, but for me, I need something to help me center and calm my mind down. I am looking for healthier ways to deal with my anxiety.

    We were talking last night, about how everyone does shit like this at the start of the year, and then they give up in February. We seem to be building in our quitting with this 30 system, thus we won’t be upset with ourselves when this ends on February 3rd.