Category: Writing

  • Retired Flash Fiction Story

    (This is an experiment of a flash fiction story that I decided to retire from submitting. Enjoy.)

    Airbag

    There was light, and then there was darkness. Maybe there was sound, but I think all I can remember hearing was the fear in my brain; As I was scared. Or was I screaming? Broken glass? I think so, and if that was true, then I don’t know how I didn’t get cut up. I hit my head, and banged up my back. There wasn’t any blood that you’d expect.

    What existed after, most likely before if only I had paid attention, was the feeling of floating, up and away – of relief that I was here and not in some other place, even though no rational person would want to be where I was, and that’s because they weren’t fully/completely aware of being alive in this reality, but now, or at least then – in the aftermath – I was present.

    When I was a child, growing up in the Cold War, knowing that at any second one of two nations could blow up the whole world; so many people lived in the pool of existential threat every day. Life could end at the push of a button, as that was modernity. But what I fixated on wasn’t necessarily that all life could end, but having to wait for it to end. Being told the missile was on the way, that in a matter of minutes I would be evaporated, but I had to wait for my impending death. That count down is what scared me. Sure, if you knew you had one day left, then you could get some stuff done. But with five minutes – I would just be left with my thoughts. My awful thoughts. Even if I tried to be constructive with my five minutes, I’d most likely use four of the minutes deciding what to do, and that last minute wouldn’t be enough time to accomplish it. But I know me, and I would spend five minutes kicking myself for all the things I didn’t do. Hating myself as the doom, the bomb, the endless end drew nearer. Not enjoying what I had, but regretting what was.

    The darkness did give way to the light once again. I opened my eyes. I looked around and made sure I was alive. On the side of a highway, having spun around, I was alive. Excitable, juiced, sweating yet cold. The Universe had expanded, only to contract back to the same place, and I was still there. The blue gray interstate, an airbag deflating – I had the acknowledgement of time.

  • Personal Review: KUDOS by Rachel Cusk

    (SPOLIERS, but I don’t think you can spoil this novel…)

    I’m a big fan of Rachel Cusk. Ever since I read a piece on her in The New Yorker a while ago, and I think the article was about the OUTLINE Trilogy, I have found her to be a huge inspiration and a fascinating author. She does a great job in fooling me in believing that we are close friends, and the conversations she shares with me, makes me feel smarter. Like all very talented writers, she’s also part magician – conjuring a relationship with the reader that never really existed, and making us feel that we are the only person she is talking to.

    I finished KUDOS, the final novel in the OUTLINE Trilogy last week. All in all, it took me the span of five years to read the three novels. I can understand how a person would argue that this delay in completing the series would be detrimental to my understanding, if not appreciation of the trilogy. Yet, I don’t believe it has. Returning to these books is like visiting an old friend from college. Things pick up right where they left off, no feeling of lost time. And this friend doesn’t try to guilt me for my absence.

    If one were to look up reviews for these books, almost all of them will make references to how these books are a new form, even an experimental version, of what an autobiographical novel can be. Some will even compare the books to Karl Ove Knausgaard’s My Struggle series, which might be applicable. I don’t agree with the comparison, as Karl is overtly autobiographical, while Rachel only hints at autobiography, but clearly has kept her protagonist a fictional version of herself.  Which lead me to start to believe that all the “new form of a novel” was more marketing hype than actual reality.

    Don’t get me wrong. I loved KUDOS, and the other books in the trilogy, OUTLINE and TRANSIT. As I settled in on reading this book, I found the familiar style that Cusk has; this very easy, yet highly intelligent way of writing. She doesn’t speak down to the reader, but it feels that I am being included in the conversations. This time around the author/protagonist is at a writers conference, talking to other writers and people. Again, the persons who occupy this world have no issue, and are very adept at opening up and sharing events, observations and experiences with her. At one point, another writer does point out how odd it is that all the characters in the author/protagonist’s novels have no problem confessing all their sins without much prompting – a sly mete joke Cusk put in her own novel.

    It’s true, people do not speak the way Cusk’s characters do. But, Tennessee Williams’ characters speak in a way that can only exist in the worlds that Williams creates, and as such, I believe that Cusk is casting that same spell. It’s not reality, but it is a world I would like to live in. To speak to a person on a plane about the family dog of theirs that just died, or the tour guide who loves to walk the city, or the other women writers that still have to deal with ex-husbands that intend to do them harm, both physically and emotionally. It’s an unburdening that has no expectations to it. The reader isn’t asked to act, or pass judgment, but just hear and witness that these lives exist. It’s an environment that becomes very comfortable, and enjoyable.

    And in the end, without a climax or even rising action, the book concludes, leaving the feeling of conclusion. That to me is the trick, and an impressive one at that. I have been given a journey, but I am not sure where I have gone, or what, if anything was accomplished. But I know I went some place, I learned, and that must be what is accomplished. And as I ponder on that, maybe it isn’t a gimmick to call these books a new form of novel. There is a different way to tell a story after all.

  • Updating My Site

    It was long overdue, but I have started the process of updating my website. It has been nagging at me for a while now – that my page is rather basic, and not the best showing of who I am. The more I blog, and submit stories, the more that I know that people will be coming by to see what I am all about. My numbers are up, by the way. I have equaled the total views of 2022, in the first six months of 2023. So, there is more traffic on my site. Sure, maybe half of it is bots for China and Pakistan, but still…

    Updating my website, and talking about myself are not my strong suits. Doing all of this makes me very self-conscious, and after a few minutes of working on it, I end up feeling frustrated and embarrassed. Frustrated because the look of my website never feels “professional” enough, and embarrassed because I can’t shake this thought in the back of my head that “why the fuck would anyone care what I have to say?” Now, I know that the more effort I put into the site, the better it will look, and who the fuck cares what anyone thinks?

    Oh! I did sign up for AdSense, so ads will now be on the site. I hate to brag, but after a day, I have earned nearly a whole penny! The other reason for doing this is that I haven’t found a good side hustle yet. I might start dog walking soon, unless the traffic keeps growing on this site, then all bets are off.

    In the end, I’m probably going to keep monkeying around with this site off and on for the next month. I’m open to suggestions of what to do, or who’s sites I should check out for inspiration, so drop me a comment or message. And you might as well “like” and “subscribe” while you are at it.

  • Monday’s (Unedited)

    Am I right folks?

    Actually, I have noticed that writing a blog on Monday’s has become harder and harder for me over the past 6 months. For two years, I was solid about getting a blog post done five days a week. Quality may have been one thing, but as for quantity, I was as constant as the North Star. Yet something happened, where now completely a blog on Monday by 11am is a near impossibility.

    Our family routine hasn’t changed in any major way, and I have not taken on any new responsibilities as stay at home dad. Still, I have lost the gap of time I used to have in the morning. I know the fault is with me, so I must conclude that I am drawing out my tasks and not making the time anymore.

    I am writing something today so it’s not like I have wasted my time.

    Still, I feel myself becoming a little less focused.

    I was planning on doing a Jami Attenburg “1,000 Words of Summer” type of project for myself in July. (It’s where you write 1000 words a day for 30 days. There is more to it than that, but that’s the gist.) my original intention was to see what 31,000 words on the same subject would look like, and to “complete” a large project. But now I’m thinking that I need to reaffirm some positive writing habits, and get back to working.

    Here’s to hoping for a productive Summer!

  • I Took a Nap

    I won’t lie and say that I had a great or a bunch of great ideas that I wanted to write about today. I was actually drawing a blank as I looked at my computer screen. Nothing was coming to me. I read the news, listened to music, tried all of my old tricks – I couldn’t get an idea to stick and come to life.

    The only option I had to get some creative inspiration flowing was to take a nap. Not a several hour nap, just a quick and to the point 15 minute power-nap! I set a timer, laid down on the couch, closed my eyes and let it happen.

    There really isn’t a story here other than I like taking naps, and I took one. This isn’t one of my best blogs, which I can admit, but I needed to write today and I’m doing it.

    I’ll try harder tomorrow.