Category: Parenting

  • ODDS and ENDS: Playing Dumb, Vacation, and The Next Stage of Life

    When I went to pick up my daughter from school yesterday, she was super excited to tell me all about these new Solar System facts she just learned! How the sun is a star, and Venus is the hottest planet, and Jupiter Saturn and Uranus and Neptune were giant gas planets, and Pluto was a dwarf planet, and on and on. She was bubbling over with how cool space was, and how there is an international space station, and that we send robots to the planets and even to a comet! And each new fact that she presented to me was in the form of a question; “Dad, did you know Pluto is a dwarf planet?” Well, yes I do know that, and I was alive when Pluto was considered a normal, regular planet. But I don’t say anything. I just smile and nod my head because I have come full circle. All the years I went rattling off facts to my parents, which I now see they clearly already knew, but they let me proudly prattle on. Now, I am being prattled on, but I see the excitement of learning in my daughter’s eyes. That feeling of the world being knowable and accessible at the same time.

    I want to go on vacation. As it starts to get warmer out, I have this need to get out of the City. It would be great to get away, even for a long three-day weekend. I like living in New York City, but I also love getting the hell out of New York City.

    Another friend of mine lost their parent last night. They put up a post on social media, and I commented, telling them how sorry I am, and love them. Sadly, this has been happening more and more often with my friends, and this isn’t due to Covid. This is life. Me and my friends are hitting middle age, and our parents are reaching the end of their lives. Before, when a parent passed, it was a rare and unexpected occurrence. Now, it is becoming a bit more common, as, sadly, this is the next stage in life. And these things happen in waves. First, we all got married, and then started having babies, and then there was the small divorce wave, followed by more babies and second marriages. Now, we are at the time when on parents start to leave us. I wish there was more I could do or say to my friend at this time. I do remember when my Ma passed, and I received many posts, messages and texts. It meant a lot to me, knowing that people cared and were still decent. I hope my friend is getting some comfort at this time from all the people that care for them.

  • ODDS and ENDS: Nightmares, Blogging, and Shop Local

    (Some thoughts that don’t involve Tottenham or Alt Side Parking.)

    The kid woke me up at 1am. She had a nightmare, and I tried to get her back to bed, but she was too upset. So, I did what any good father would do, we sat on the couch until we fell asleep watching MST3k. “Mitchell” was on and that calmed everyone down. In the morning, I asked the night what her nightmare was about, and she said that she dreamed she was an artist, and kept failing over and over again to paint a perfect picture. Yikes! I tried to talk to her about how failure is an important part of the creative process as it allows an artist to know what doesn’t work, and to keep trying. I don’t know if it took hold, but I did think she was a little young to be worried about painting a perfect picture.

    I started thinking again about switching to a paid blogsite, and getting away from the free WordPress.com thing that I am on now. I do this every couple of months, and I always get back to asking myself, what is the point? I have written about this on twenty different occasion, if not more, and I can never come up with a persuasive argument for myself, one way or the other. I am continually sitting on the pot over this one. I don’t know how to do what I want to do, which is what I am doing right now, sitting on my couch and writing, and make a living at it. Will a better blog site get me any closer to that goal? Honestly, I don’t think it will. BUT… I do have some free time, and it is something to do. Ahhh… I’ll sit on the pot awhile longer then.

    If you haven’t already, support small local businesses. Help your community not only survive, but thrive.

  • Talking to My Daughter about Ukraine

    It’s been very hard over the past week to talk to my daughter about the war in Ukraine. A hard conversation, but one that I know we need to have. She’s seven, and sees the world as good guys vs bad guys, which I do think makes explaining this war to her a little easier. Putin is the bad guy for starting this war, that’s the easy part. Everything else has been challenging.

    I have found that the “Mr. Rogers Rule” works really well. That rule is simple, “Look for the helpers. When things are bad, there are always people wanting to help.” Luckily, there are still parts of humanity that aren’t garbage, and we have been pointing out how the people of Poland, and other nations as well, are helping with the refugees; giving food, shelter, medical care, and safety. We have even talked about what we can do here, to help all the people over there.

    Now, we don’t purposefully have her watch the news. Most of the time, when we tell her that we are going to put the news on, she will leave the room as that stuff is boring to her. But now and then, she’ll walk into the livingroom and catch something, an image; a building on fire, a blown up tank, or a dead body in the street. My gut reaction is that I don’t want her to see these things, but I don’t want to shield her, nor stop her from asking questions about difficult subjects.

    The one thing that I think she is grasping is that war is not good. Even the “good” wars were still awful.

  • Mask Free NYC

    Today is the first day that New York City has sort of done away with their mask mandate. Well… You still have to put on a mask if you use mass transit, but I think I will be doing that from here on out. The most important mask free part of the City are in the schools; no more required masks in the classrooms.

    Last night, the principal for my daughter’s school sent out an email, reminding parents that masks would be optional starting on Monday morning. Then she went on to request that parents talk to their children about respecting each student’s and family’s decision on whether to wear a mask or not. No teasing will be allowed, and we must respect each other’s choices.

    And we did talk to the kid about all of this. We asked her if she wanted to wear a mask or not; her choice was not to wear a mask. Then we talked to her about respecting her fellow student’s choice to have a mask on or not. That each family has to make that decision for themselves, and what might be right for them, could be different from us, and that’s okay. She said she got it, and would treat everyone the same. As we headed out for school today, the wife and I put a mask in her coat pocket, and another one in her backpack. We reminded her that it was okay to change her mind. That if she wanted to put her mask back on, she could.

    At the schoolyard, where all the kids line up before going in, I have to say that it was a 50/50 split of all the people there. The kid’s teacher had a mask on, and so did the vice-principal, and I understand that decision. They are the ones on the front line, but also, that mask will also help cut down on catching colds and the flu. So, I respect that decision.

    But what jumped out to me was that here we all were, (parents, students, teachers and staff,) doing what we think is best for our kids and ourselves, and everything was fine. Tomorrow might be a totally different situation, but at this moment, everyone is cool with everyone else’s choice.

    Walking home, it really didn’t feel like that much of a change. It still felt like it did the day before, with people in and out of masks. Everyone going about their business; Coming and going, still looking kind’a annoyed. You know, the New Yorker face.

    For me, it feels like a small step forward. I know we aren’t back to normal, and there is a good chance that we will never return to what normal was. But a step, even a very small one is progress.

  • Good Old Kurt Vonnegut

    It was a slightly strange weekend. First of all, I was a horrible father, and showed my child a movie, which I thought she would find entertaining, but actually just gave her nightmares. I speak of 1999’s The Mummy, which I thought she’d find fun, and not scary. I mean, this is the same kid that had no issues with any of the Indiana Jones movies’ and their face melting, heart removing, and weird aging/dusting thing. Nope, total miscalculation – Mummies are very scary to seven-year olds.

    So, I’m a shitty dad, or at least that’s how I felt Friday/Saturday night.

    The kid couldn’t sleep in her room alone, so I stayed up with her on the pullout sofa. I was looking for something to watch that would put the kid asleep, but still keep me engaged, and I found a documentary about Kurt Vonnegut on HULU (This is not a movie review) that fit the bill. Though Vonnegut is one of my favorite writers, I really didn’t know anything about his life other that he sold cars at one point, and got divorced.

    After watching the documentary, I had two questions I wished were answered; first, why did Vonnegut choose to move to Barnstable, MA from Schenectady, NY? I get that living on Cape Cod is cool, but did he know someone there, did he vacation in the Cape first, did he read an article about the place? I mean, what was it? Second, how did Vonnegut, who by his own admission was just getting by selling short stories at this time, afford a home on Cape Cod? I am assuming that Cape Cod has always been Cape Cod, which means it has always been in demand, but back in the 50’s, were homes really that big AND inexpensive that an infrequently published, and modestly monetarily successful writer could afford a home? Was his wife supporting him?

    I really feel these questions need to be answered, as I think this is the failure of most biographies; they never explain how an artist paid their bills when they had no money, and still found a way to create.